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Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?
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Olivia_WebMD_Staff posted:
A Twitter battle between singer LeAnn Rhimes and her new husband's ex over LeAnn referring to her step sons as "her boys" has brought a debate about stepchildren to the forefront.

This particular situation aside, what stand do you take: Is it okay for stepparents to refer to stepkids as theirs?

Why or why not?

Olivia
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butterflygarden responded:
I am not a stepparent, but I know several. And, ALL of them think of their stepkids as their own. IMO, that's the way it should be.

Regardless of how you ended up being in the parenting role, you're in it. You should love and respect those kids as they were your own, and expect the same from them (with patience, of course.)

The yuck that happened between the adults that led to divorce and remarriage has nothing to do with the kids, and the adults should put that stuff aside to raise healthy children.

All that said, I know that in so many instances it is far from easy. My heart goes out to blended families, and I wish them peace and joy.

Butterfly
 
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fcl responded:
I think it is utterly childish to not want another person to care enough about your children to call them "her boys". Pure and simple jealousy. She obviously cares more about herself than her sons' wellbeing.
 
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bpcookie responded:
When I had step children I used to call them my own children. They called me mom. So I don't see anything wrong with it. But I don't think it should be forced upon anyone.
 
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loraven responded:
as a lifetime member of a split family i can only advocate a step-parent having a feeling of strong kinship. when you grow up in a split family, there will be many cases of the child or children feeling that they do not get as much love as a child in a "normal" family; no matter the adults true intentions. it's a simple matter of "how can they love me if i'm not there?" so when a person who is not truly related to you comes up and says "i don't care, i love you and you are now mine too" it adds to their self worth. the only time this could go wrong is if a parent decides to take the place of the other parent. that never works out. the best way to look at it is not in terms of mine and yours; but rather as there is now one more person willing to love this child unconditionally.
 
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tia2grandma responded:
Not the way she did it! My husband of 23 years has 2 kids 1 step frm previous relationship we have 2 kids and 2 grandkids and his 3 kids have 7 kids= 9 Grandkids total we have and I Proudly wear the hat of STEPMOM and GRANDMA!!! She did it on purpose she knows she can never be anything but a STEPMOM!!! My kids all call me Mom and grandma when were all together yet I must say I also will say things like where my kids at when looking for anyone of them or picking them up it never crossed our minds to say anything different as they will say hi mom when we meet or call.
 
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Kathi758 responded:
OK..this is the answer you all have been waiting for... I am 54, I hhave 5 step kids 13 step grandkids and 1 child and 2 grandchildren. When you become a parent you SHOULD stop worring about me, me ,me and become focused on what is good for the kids... meaning another person to love your child is a good thing.. right?? or are you so selfish that you want to hog them???? I call all my kids mine, we never allowed the word step into our home. The grandbabies are all mine too and the more love there is the more that grows from it. it's all a state of mind. not to say all was perfect we had trials and duct tape was discussed as a method to silence the teenage mouth, but we worked hard to raise the kids and they have all done well it was hard but we are commited to them as children "our" children.
 
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fcl replied to Kathi758's response:
Great answer, Kathi758!
 
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itsashayduh replied to fcl's response:
The sad truth is that there are step parents that are worth more than "blood" parents.
My mother's dad had walk out of her life when she was only 3 along with her mother and 2 siblings. My Gradmother then married an amazing man, my grandpa, which my grandma had 4 more children with. My grandpa never not once refered to the previous 3 children as "step" children and my mother had never called him "step" dad. He was an amazing man and took all 7 of those kids as his own and not just the 4 that were his.
The only reason that someone would be upset about thier child calling some one else "mom" or "dad" is if they were not a prize parent. Anyone that could give so much love as to call a child that is not blood theirs, as alot of love to give.
 
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lystra responded:
Not all the time, It matter how the people met. If the new stepparent came in when there parents were still married then no. It this person cared about the kids then they would never come between a family. You took one of the parents now you want to take the child. That's like twisting the knife. You din't get a free pass because you're married. Why should these kids trust you.
 
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j9Celeste replied to Kathi758's response:
I agree completely Kathi. I was never able to have my own children and when I married a man with two children I saw this as an opportunity to give my love and time to his children. He did have full custody of his children so they lived with us. They do call me by my name, but introduce me and refer to me as their mom. And yes, my grandchildren are my grandchildren! Since I raised the children, I earned that title!
 
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lystra responded:
Not if you're doing it to disrespect the other parent. It all depend on how they became your stepchild.
 
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TJJ1972 replied to lystra's response:
THANK YOU! As I was reading these posts all I could think was "seriously"? At least I see one person here has some sense about step parents.
"5BA"The only reason that someone would be upset about thier child calling some one else "mom" or "dad" is if they were not a prize parent""5C4...as itsashayduh stated, is totally incorrect! It's also incorrect to say it's out of jealousy, immaturity or childish if you don't know the situation, everyone is different! Those are your opinions, not everyone had a grand old time with steps or with the way the person BECAME a step parent.
Lystra (above)hit the nail on the head when she said "5BA"It matter how the people met. If the new stepparent came in when there parents were still married then no.""5C4
She is absolutely right! All scenarios are not loving ones. When a woman KNOWS a man has a family and continues to communicate and have lunches at work, calls his cell, and moves in on a married man and break up a family-then NO WAY are the children going to want, or would I want, them to be calling her Mom! She IS NOT their mother she is a woman Dad left his family for and married=step parent that is it!
After awhile the kids may accept her as "dad's wife", but she has a name and it is not Mom, they HAVE a Mom and no other woman will be their mom. Plain and simple.
Now you may say jealous, immature or what have you, but as I said...that is YOUR opinion due to the fact your scenarios were different.








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