WebMD Community Talk Show

An elderly adult need not have dementia to exhibit bad or dangerous behavior, even if they know better.

I know it varies, but in general, between what ages is it permissible to spank someone else to "redirect" their attention?

I wonder what percentage of children who are beaten were first given a "quick swat on the butt"? Is spanking ever a "gateway" to beating?

I also wonder what percentage of children who assault their parents where spanked when they were young.

As was said before this debate is about parenting children not about the elderly. As an adult that was spanked as a kid I know very few friends that I grew up with that were also spanked that " assaulted" their parents. like was also said there is no " grey area" so I would stop trying to find one.

Why would it be your job to discipline an elderly adult if they have the mental faculties to take care of themself?

Again, like the previous poster said, this is about children and not adults.

It is a far stretch to link a spank to beating a child. Just because a parent once or twice will spank a child doesnt mean that they will turn around and start physically harming them.

I would think that the percentage of children who assault their parents would be the result of them *not* getting spanked as children.

YES. Very well said.

also was abused as a child and young adult by my mother and father and school teacher, and i have to sons and did spank there buts twice and now i have real bad guilty feelings about it, i wish i had NOT done, but we learn what we experience as a child, i was a nanny for many years and learned a lot, the children that where spanked where the ones with more prblems in school at home ect, Thank god i do not believe in spanking children and thank god my sons do not spank my grand children,ADULTS HIT CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY CANT HIT BACK, SPANKING DOES NOT WORK, AND ITS TIME TO STOP ABUSING OUR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN,

Guess what I was also abused as a young adult. I still support spanking because it is a discipline not ABUSE. You should know being abused as well that there is a huge difference between spanking and abuse!!!!

spanking is abuse, when you hit spank a child i dont care how you put it,you are teaching a child that its ok to hit,every child that gets spanked will hit another child, children learn everything from the parents,and spanking should never be that,It makes very sad that with so much info out there and some parents still dont get,HUG, KISS, LISTEN, AND PLAY, IS WHAT A CHILD NEEDS,

That's copacetic with everyone, here? You good with that? Really????

not copacetic with me... but then again like you I am part of the minority with spanking a discipline.

Out of curiosity, all of you who do NOT use spanking for discipline... what do you use? or do you discipline at all? It seems that some amount of discipline - NOT GIVEN IN ANGER - would be healthy for a child. I'm NOT talking about beating (some are not quite finding a difference it seems). Spanking seems to be common, but if you don't use it, what do you find works best for you and your children?

Discipline doesn't equal to punishment. Discipline is about personal self-control. It starts from day one. Very young children have no personal self-control. They are not being defiant or malicious or disrespectful. They are doing what comes natural. Our jobs as parents is to teach them self-control. This beings with redirecting, redirecting, redirecting until you are blue in the face and then redirecting some more. The idea of hitting a child less than 2 years, no matter how gentle or seemingly well meaning, is plain wrong. Hitting is punishment and retribution. It teaches nothing about self-control. As another poster noted, it merely teaches fear. As a child gets older, you give them choices and you allow them to make good and bad choices. Of course with bad choices there are negative consequences. For young children, it can be a timeout, making them sit for a certain amount of time. I have heard from many that this does not work. It does not work because those parents don't follow through. I can remember a 3 minute time out taking more than 30 minutes. Because my son would get up before the 3 minutes were up. I used a kitchen timer so he knew exactly when the time was up. We started over and over and over, just like redirecting. The purpose of this is not punishment but teaching personal self-control and to underscore that we meant what we said. It goes for all kinds of activities. The other thing we did and still do, is we give our son fair clear warning and stick with it. So now when we say x,y,z is going to happen, it does and he doesn't question it. Right now we are dealing with him giving us an attitude for when we don't do what he wants. Well the consequence for that is often sitting until he is contrite and to take away some sort of privilege. He also never gets anything through demanding, yelling or pitching a fit. That was the rule from the get go. Basically, if you clearly outline things and are consistent a lot of behavior issues go away without raising a hand. We also make a point to treat him with respect and thank him for ultimately making the right choice even though there may have been negative consequences along the way. Like violence begets violence, respect begets respect.

My son is now an adult. By the time he was one year old he could talk and he understood right from wrong. He learned to respect me without ever being hit. When he did do something inappropriate, then generally all I had to do was say, "I am very disappointed with you." Often I would anticipate things that he might do and then warn him in advance that he better not do them. In most cases that was all that was needed.

He did attend private school from the time he was three until 11th grade. He was aware that the "punishment" for bad behavior would be having to go to public school.

Not every child is that easy though. I was but my husband wasn't. He gotspanked almost daily and I barely ever gof into trouble. So just warning a child doesn't always work. There are different levels of stubbornness. To the other post "redirecting" is all spanking does! Spanking not BEATING. Why is that so hard to separate?

Not hard to separate at all. I didn't and don't equate the two. I didn't say it was beating. I did say hitting. Spanking and beating are both hitting. In fact, I noted no matter how gentle or well meaning, it had no place in discipline especially for children under 2. I said it doesn't teach self-control, it teaches fear. I suspect your DH's defiance came from the fact that he was spanked and not respected. As oppose to some Spanking, IMHO, amounts to weakness and lack of personal self-control. And in there lies the rub, if you don't have personal self-control how can you teach it to your child(ren)?

Sorry, for the frag "As oppose to some" left in my post that should have been deleted.