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nice answer. i would agree. as adults, doing the wrong thing does not (and should not) be disciplined with physical violence. so why use physical violence as a discipline for misbehaving children? why not prepare them for being adults?

withholding something seems to be the best method. as an adult, if i do not do what my boss asks of me, i likely will not get the bonus i am looking for, or worse, may lose my job. he will not hit me.

if i don't compliment my wife, or take out the trash, or help out around the house, my wife likely will withhold something from me (use your imagination). she will not hit me.

what are we teaching our children by hitting them when they misbehave? certainly nothing they can use later in life as adults.

Anon_26 wrote, "What are we teaching our children by hitting them when they misbehave? Certainly nothing they can use later in life as adults."

We are teaching them that when they become adults, then they should continue the cycle and hit their own children when they misbehave. They will say, "This is the way that I was brought up, and if it was good enough for me, then it is good enough for my kid as well."

This reply is just the easy way out.

I watched my step dad beat my sister with his fists when she came home after cufue. It was his form of discipline but somehow I managed to not take that trait with me as a grown adult/parent. We were never spanked as a reminder that our parents were in charge. We were whipped with a belt several times or beaten until we were bruised. Oddly enough, I was smart enough to not do that to my own kids.

I also watched my mom, dad & aunts go outside to smoke or drink until they passed out when we had stressful situations happen in our family or in our lives. Somehow I also managed to learn to cope with my stress without picking up a bottle or a cigarette.

What I am teaching my daughter when she gets a spanking is that she will have an immediate consiquence for what ever it was that she did that warrented the spanking. It will be a consiquence that she doesn't like and that will stay in her mind the next time she goes to do that again.

Not everything has to be a life lesson that every child has to take with them into adulthood. Some things are right now lessons that teach a child that they do have to fear mom or dad because they don't put up with everything. I don't spank often and it is always the last resort but it is the one thing that gets through to my daughter without fail, that is something I will be happy about when she hits her teens. It worked with my son, who is a grown adult. He also isn't an abusive man that is looking for people to beat up because he got spanked as a child.

Yes, I was spanked as a child for mis behaving.

Guess what, I did not grow up to abuse my child. I spanked my child as well up to a certain age, then the grounding replaced it along with taking things away for getting into trouble. Yes we explain why he was being spanked...18 yrs old now & he will tell you, compared to most of his friends parents he has told us how lucky he was, because we cared enough to discipline him. Most of his friends run all over their parents...

There is a difference between spankings & abuse. My husband was also spanked, and he has never laid a finger on me out of anger on me or my son...Going on 25yrs.

People say it teaches nothing, well it does...but like I said you can't just spank you have to also talk about the reasons for it. Once my child turned 7 we quit spanking because grounding him from playing outside was more torture than a spanking, then as he got older it was grounding from friends coming over, then it was from going places, then it was his truck.

Big difference in spanking & abuse. We swatted on the butt.

So happy we can change our parents mistakes. I guess they just followed what they saw.. I was never spanked; I knew what I couldn't do, I still behaved and had respect for everyone, and so do our children & grandchildren. I don't even raise my voice at them. Those are not the memories I want them to have of their Grandma! Thank you for sharing what we feel about this subject.

Spanking some times is the only thing stoping a child from doing what he should not do. As a child growing up i use to love to go down by the river and play. I could not swim. My parents tried every thing. grounding, time outs talking nothing worked except a tap. I did not watch tv had no use for money as we had none and I just brought out an imaginary friend to play with on time outs. The only thing that made me stop and think do i really want to do this. is it worth the spanking. My sister was never spanked. she ended up pregnant at 15. I have 2 nephews. one who was spanked and one who was not.
The one who was spanked is doing quite well and will most likly go to college. the one not spaked hates his mother and has threatned to kill her, which he may do, ended up in juvie.My brother has asked if he can come and live with my husband and me. You see the last time he was here he was disrepectful to my brother his father and I corrected him for it no I did not spank him nor did i explain why it is wrong to be disrespectful. he knew. i just did not give him cake and icecream. My husbands birthday. He still continued to misbehave my husband backed me and said boy you have 20 seconds to sit in that chair. That was all it took. I later appologized to my brother and sisster in law for interfering but if they did inot start acting as a team there is going to be problems in the future. My sister in law did try to discipline but my brother never backed her up. My nephew remembers what happened in my house and always tells his brother watch it aunt jo is mean.I had to turn my brother down on his request to move his son into my home. I have paarkinson and my husband has cancer. So until my husbands health improves the answer is no.
My niece also was a problem child. She was spanked and still ran with the worng crowd did drugs to inclulde alcohol. The only thing that strainghtned her out was the threat of being sent to live with me.
What i have taken the long way around to tell you is no one method works in raising a child.
some only understand spankings as nothing else work--me and others the taking awary of privileges, time outs etc works. it depends on the child.
worn1

I so agree. If you did something I didn't like and I hit you, I could be arrested for assault.

Why not learn some constructive discipline methods rather than causing physical pain to your child?

"We are teaching them that when they become adults, then they should continue the cycle and hit their own children when they misbehave. They will say, "This is the way that I was brought up, and if it was good enough for me, then it is good enough for my kid as well."

Exactly and we see many of them here attempting to justify their behavior. Sad, really.

Your parents could simply have taught you to swim.

My husband and I did not cause our sons physical pain to teach them.

The oldest is in the US Air Force, engaged to a nurse, and plans on going into law enforcement when he gets out.

The youngest is on honor roll, almost towards his Eagle rank in Boy Scouts, a peer counselor and spends his elective period acting as a teacher's assistant in a class of severely handicapped students.


IMO, it is those who lack parenting skills who resort to spanking.

in other words if i wanted to do drugs smoke drink you would have no problem with it. Physical pain was the only thing that made me stop and think. Locking me in my room, taking away play time deserts etc did not work. I had no interest in tv computers were not available at that time. I had no interest in sports and would sit on the bench but under no circumstance would i participate. peer pressure did not work as i could care less what people thought. I was the child from hell. I also attended church and caused problems there also. what do you do with a child who could care less what happens to any one around them or to them selves. no fear or respect for any one or anything. that was me.
worn1

Don't you realize?

The only thing you're argument proves is you are not someone that exchanges, nor accepts, ideas that are not your own, easily...

Goodness gracious, how could you possibly know your sons would not be doing even better if you'd smacked them on occasion?

Are you that much smarter than the rest of us?

More argumentative, yes. More self-righteous, OK. But, smarter?????

I dun thin sooooo....

"physical pain was the only thing that made me stop and think"

i feel bad for you, and sorry for those responsible for getting through to you who failed with non-violent means.

dude...if anyone has been "more argumentative" and "self righteous" with their responses to others on this board, it has has been you, sir.

the woman was arguing for how well her children turned out despite not being physically disciplined...how does that demonstrate her unwillingness to accept ideas not her own?

spend a little more time furthering the discussion, and a little less time attacking others with baseless and oft times ignorant comments. this is a place for debate, not personal attack.

OK...You're right...We shouldn't spank our kids...dude...

do not feel bad for me. you see i turned out ok. What you do not know is my attitude proboably saved my life on more than one occasion. I grew up in the bad part of town.
Also since i did not give into peer pressure or want to be liked i made it out of the ghetto, through college and finished a military career. I had decided at a young age there was no way i was going to live the way my parents did and i would do anything i needed to do to get out.
I thank god for the parents i had. if it had not been for them i may have made some bad choices. they understood what they had to do to get me to think and understand.
I am marrried with no children by choice.