Sounds like you have done your research. You cannot pressure your wife into this. You're right, she is in denial and can be going through a grieving process.
I'd suggest validating her feelings, express your concerns and discuss a plan. Tell her you don't think he's doing these things on purpose. Have this conversation when things are calm and neither of you are stressed. A plan could be that you request an evaluation through the school to get the child setup on an IEP. Or read "The Explosive Child" together. Early intervention is key and helping any child to do their best will be good for everyone. Look up Sensory Processing Disorder...this may be a good place to start and is less daunting then trying to take on an ADHD diagnosis.View Thread
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.