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I'm not a college student. There's no recreational benefit to monthly therapy and stimulant meds that make my teeth hurt or maybe keep me up all night. I'm not trying to impress any of my peers with my "ADHD Moments".
I'm a grown man with my own house, my own car and a job. I have a wife, a kid and bills to pay.
How much fun do you think it is to pay late fees again and again? You'd love that look in your kids eye when you show up for the last 5 minutes of the school play or send them off without lunch because you left it on top of the car. Constantly hearing your spouse go on and on about how we could loose the house because you didn't get a check out on time even though it's all filled out, in the envelope with postage.... under the milk in the fridge. Lets not forget those lovely IRS letters where they kindly explain you miscalculated on your tax return and now owe another $2000 by June 15.
If ADHD isn't real, then faking it is so much fun I could puke.
I'm not lazy. I'm not stupid. I'm most certainly not faking anything. No one would voluntarily live like they have untreated ADHD on purpose. It's too exhausting. Too difficult to keep that inconsistency so consistent. It's not fun. It's not a joke. It's a real problem.
Maybe ADHD isn't the right name for it. In my experience its more of an overload than a deficit. I just have a hard time controlling what I focus on. I see stuff others miss.
I couldn't stand to be one of the boring people enslaved to their blackberry and stressing over little details that only matter for a few minutes. So what if you're a minute late to work are you going to remember it in a year? Would it be worth a scolding from the boss to see a sunrise that takes your breath away and inspires you to paint on the weekends. Is it worth more to be "productive" or to really ENJOY playing outside with your 7 year old because you're so in the moment bills, bosses and traffic don't exist for you?
That's the kind of freedom I give up when I take those pills. Those meds are a box with eye slits that I put on when I need to fit in with the rest of the worker bees.
I have a GED. I'm a the best computer tech I've ever met and I'm not bragging. I enjoy my work with a passion most people don't believe is any more real than ADHD. My peers have college degrees in computer science.
ADHD is real. But manageable if you're willing to accept it for what it is and treat it like a part of your life not a disease. It's how we're born.
Good luck.
ChrisView Thread

Don't give up. Don't get carried away. Those kind of feelings are pretty normal. I feel that way lots of times and I'm probably twice your age.
First, you need to get your mind off of that anxiety treadmill. Maybe getting yourself onto a treadmill will help. I'm not a health nut, but I've read that 30 minutes of vigorous exercise has the the same effect on the brain as a dose of Adderall.
If nothing else, I know that getting into the groove in some physical activity is a great way to blank out your mind and get a break from all of that stress.
If you can't get medical treatment due to financial reasons, you may be able to get help through a clinic or something like that. You want a psychiatrist not a regular doctor if you can get one.
Meanwhile, you might try drinking coffee to help you calm down. I did that for most of my life before I knew I had ADHD. Some days are better than others. You know that, I'm sure. Try to find out what made those good days good and try to replicate that. Talk to yourself in positive ways. Remember ADHD isn't all bad. It's a just a part of who you are. Find ways to work around your weak areas.
When you ask for help, leave out the ADHD part. Ask people to help you find ways to be more organized or be on time and so on. Everybody has ADHD "symptoms" at some point in their lives. The same tricks that work for that will help manage ADHD traits.
Lots of people don't believe ADHD is real. I didn't believe it until I after I was diagnosed. They think we're just making excuses. Most people can't fathom how we can be so inconsistent. That's human nature, "You were on time all last week. Now you're late 3 days in a row. That's just laziness, if it was ADHD, how'd you make it in on time before?"
You know what I mean?
Anyway, if nothing else, just know that you're not alone. You're not the only one struggling. We're all in this together. I wish I could be more helpful. Sometimes all it takes to make lemons in to lemonade is a good attitude and a positive outlook on life. I personally think I'm normal and pretty much everyone else is weird. That helps me a lot.

Good luck. I'm pulling for you.
- ChrisView Thread

"SIT DOWN!"
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING?"
"STOP BEING MOUTHY!"
Etc... I think you get the point. How many times do you say stuff like that in an hour? It can be hard to keep ADHD kids out of trouble.
Now imagine EVERY time you turn around someone is yelling at you about this or that. Imagine trying to do whatever it is they're saying, but you just can't get it right, but they don't listen when you say "I don't know." or "I need help with that." or "This is boring."
Imagine you have ADHD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Which means you have Anxiety about things in your life that compel you to do something that makes you feel better. If you're compelled, you can't stop yourself without a lot of self control. Which neither ADHD people or children have a lot of sometimes.
Imagine someone yelling that stuff at you for no reason at all. You're at work doing your thing, and someone starts yelling at you every 5 minutes for the way you type or when you get up to go to the bathroom.
That's what it's like to have ADHD to me. You're doing your own thing then all of the sudden out of nowhere someone is yelling at you for something you don't even remember doing or didn't remember you were supposed to do so you didn't do it.
It's even worse if there's another kid around who seems to have it all together, you just look at them sometimes and wonder how they do it. Why can't you do the same thing? They make it look so easy to stay out of trouble or bring their assignments in on time. Then someone starts yelling at you about something or maybe not even yelling, just constant criticism. It's all the same. It wears you down. It makes you so frustrated you can't even think straight. If you're a kid you don't even know that's what your feeling. You don't have the emotional vocabulary to describe what's going on inside. You have no way to let anyone else know how you feel in a way they understand so you may lash out with hurtful words just to get their attention and have some kind of control over the situation. You may fight your parents or whomever, just so they have a reason to yell at you, so the world will make sense. Because 9 times out of 10, you're not really sure what they're mad about. If they explain it you may or may not remember that you'd talked about whatever it is before at all. Soon, you start to worry, that someone will be yelling at you at any minute. You don't know why. You don't know when, just that it will happen eventually. You worry about it and stress about it until you have to do something to block out that feeling. Maybe you play a game or just blow spit bubbles or count the flower looking swirly things on the ceiling just so you don't have to think about what's going to happen to get you into trouble AGAIN.
I'm trying to point out what it feels like to be a kid with a problem you don't understand and other people don't understand in their hearts even if they understand it in their heads.
He may follow you around and talk all the time, that's just so he can feel connected to you to make sure you're there. Because if he can keep your attention on him and keep you talking, maybe you won't be mad. Talking to you feels like he's part of your life and not an enemy. It's anxiety. It's a special kind of lonely that comes from not knowing why they think you're so messed up. Even if you're not, you think you are because that's what your told indirectly thought scolding and criticism if not outright.
Relax. Don't get too worked up and frustrated. Try to keep your kid busy. Keep in mind you can't leave him alone for long because he cannot keep himself from doing silly things that may or may not be bad. If he lashes out, verbally, ignore it. Tell him you can't hear him when he's not nice. Praise him when he's good, or out of nowhere. So he knows he's OK.
- ChrisView Thread

"SIT DOWN!"
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING?"
"STOP BEING MOUTHY!"
Etc... I think you get the point. How many times do you say stuff like that in an hour? It can be hard to keep ADHD kids out of trouble.
Now imagine EVERY time you turn around someone is yelling at you about this or that. Imagine trying to do whatever it is they're saying, but you just can't get it right, but they don't listen when you say "I don't know." or "I need help with that." or "This is boring."
Imagine, you're 5. You have ADHD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Which means you have Anxiety about things in your life that compel you to do something that makes you feel better. If you're compelled, you can't stop yourself without a lot of self control. Which neither ADHD people or 5 year old children have a lot of sometimes.
Imagine someone yelling that stuff at you for no reason at all. You're at work doing your thing, and someone starts yelling at you every 5 minutes for the way you type or when you get up to go to the bathroom.
That's what it's like to have ADHD to me. You're doing your own thing then all of the sudden out of nowhere someone is yelling at you for something you don't even remember doing or didn't remember you were supposed to do so you didn't do it.
It's even worse if there's another kid around who seems to have it all together, you just look at them sometimes and wonder how they do it. Why can't you do the same thing? They make it look so easy to stay out of trouble or bring their assignments in on time. Then someone starts yelling at you about something or maybe not even yelling, just constant criticism. It's all the same. It wears you down. It makes you so frustrated you can't even think straight. If you're 5 you don't even know that's what your feeling. You don't have the emotional vocabulary to describe what's going on inside. You have no way to let anyone else know how you feel in a way they understand so you may lash out with hurtful words just to get their attention and have some kind of control over the situation. You may fight your parents or whomever, just so they have a reason to yell at you, so the world will make sense. Because 9 times out of 10, you're not really sure what they're mad about. If they explain it you may or may not remember that you'd talked about whatever it is before at all. Soon, you start to worry, that someone will be yelling at you at any minute. You don't know why. You don't know when, just that it will happen eventually. You worry about it and stress about it until just do something to block out that feeling. Maybe you play a game or just blow spit bubbles or count the flower looking swirly things on the ceiling just so you don't have to think about what's going to happen to get you into trouble AGAIN.
I realize this may ramble a bit. I'm sorry about that. I'm trying to point out what it feels like to be a kid with a problem you don't understand and other people don't understand in their hearts even if they understand it in their heads.
He may follow you around and talk all the time, that's just so he can feel connected to you to make sure you're there. Because if he can keep your attention on him and keep you talking, maybe you won't be mad. Talking to you feels like he's part of your life and not an enemy. It's anxiety. It's a special kind of lonely that comes from not knowing why they think you're so messed up. Even if you're not, you think you are because that's what your told indirectly thought scolding and criticism if not outright.
Relax. Don't get too worked up and frustrated. Try to keep your kid busy. Keep in mind you can't leave him alone for long because he cannot keep himself from doing silly things that may or may not be bad. If he lashes out, verbally, ignore it. Tell him you can't hear him when he's not nice. Praise him when he's good, out of nowhere. So he knows he's OK.
- ChrisView Thread

ADHD runs in families. It sounds like your Ex may have ADHD too. That may be why she's your Ex. (My first wife would like me much better now that my ADHD is being treated.) That may be why she missed that follow up appointment too. It's no big deal. You can take the kid to the doc. Just call them up and make an appointment. Get him to the doc and do your best to answer their questions. They need to know if the meds helped or not. After that, just head over to the pharmacy and pick up his meds. Make sure your Ex understands the importance of being consistent and keep in touch with your kid to make sure he's taking his meds when he should just in case Mom forgot.
Good luck.
- ChrisView Thread

Oh, yeah! When my dose was too high, I was REALLY tired and depressed. So maybe adjusting the dosage helped your kid too. Either way, I know you have it under control. Your kids are going to be just fine.
Good luck!
- ChrisView Thread

I have ADHD. I've had it my whole life. It's not a joke. It's not made up. The consequences of living with undiagnosed ADHD are real and they aren't usually all that great.
Medicine isn't the only answer. It's just one tool. Life skills and environment are also important.
When you break it down, I think you're talking about negative side effects and the fact that Mom needs a break.
If he's having negative side effects that make his life worse, do something about it. Talk to the doc find out what other medicines are available that don't make your son miserable.
Now, the second part is all on you. I already said I have ADHD. So does most of my family. My dad, all 3 of my siblings and most of their kids. I'm 90% sure my kid has it too, but she's doing OK in school so she doesn't need meds as far as I'm concerned. Now, here's the part where Good_Dad needs to step up to the plate. I'm also a good Dad. My kid can be very annoying at times. But, like you, I'm more equipped to deal with it than my wife is, because I know what its like and I'm basically a 39 year old boy. I spend a lot of time with my kid. If I see Mom stressing out and getting upset with our daughter, I get her out of the house. I take her to the park or get a snack at the coffee shop or visit the library whatever. Sometimes we just hang out and build Legos or cut up cardboard boxes and use them for painting canvas. The point is ADHD kids need stuff to do and they need someone to do it with them. I talk as much as my kid does so we keep each other entertained. She's happy just hanging out with me most of the time. What more do you need out of life?

If the meds make the kid miserable, get some different meds. If he only NEEDS meds to keep his grades up and get an education, then use them for that purpose and not your wife's convenience. If Mom needs a break, get the kid out of her hair by keeping him busy. The meds are a tool. Not a cure. You can't beat ADHD out of your kid. All that does is make him resent you. Keep that in mind when you think about your own school experience. ADHD doesn't go away. If you had it as a kid, you still do. You just cope with it in a way that works for you. Great. But if you could have avoided all the hassles of getting paddled and detention and so on by taking a little pill in the morning, wouldn't you rather have had that option? If he doesn't need the meds fine, but if his life is worse without them, then they help and that's better. There are a lot of treatment options. Find the one that works best and use it. Maybe it doesn't include meds, but don't block that possibility Meds definitely can help. I know first hand.
Good luck.
-- ChrisView Thread

That said....
I've noticed that when I take my medicine as instructed, and take my vitamins and my fish oil, I usually have a fantastic day. It sounds weird coming from me. I'm the anti-voodoo magic diet person. The way I see it, vitamins and Omega 3's are good for anyone with a pulse. Fish oil doesn't cure ADHD, but it's still good for you so don't avoid it.
I just thought I'd share that maybe someone will find it useful.
To the original poster: If the meds aren't working. Talk to your doctor about it. Why bother taking mind altering substances that don't take care of the problem? What if they do more harm than good? I think you already know what you should do. I say do it. Talk to his psychiatrist and let him know that you don't think the medicine is doing it's job. You pay him to help solve problems. Help him do his job. Keep him informed and work with him to figure out what works best for your family and your son. Don't be afraid.
Good luck.
- ChrisView Thread

I completely agree that Freedom = Happiness especially for ADHD people. If for no other reason than you don't have to deal with the hassle of people trying to coral you into a box so you can be like all the other sheep in the herd. Making mistakes all the time, chronic tardiness and all of those things annoy the crap out of people who don't have the same kind of challenges we do. On the other hand constantly having people annoyed at you is no picnic either.
I've said this many times. The best thing that ever happened to me was quitting school and getting out on my own. That shouldn't have been the case, but that's life. Nobody could figure out what was going on and I didn't have the patience to put up with everyone telling me I could do better if I'd try harder. Eventually, I got fed up with all of it and decided to just let go and be myself no matter how weird I look to everyone else. It's not always fun, but neither is it as bad as having everyone on my case all the time.
I think the reason you're a consultant is because ADHD people need to have the ability to set their own pace and do things when it feels right. As I get older, the less I feel like trying to fit into the standard mold of an office drone. I spent 10 years at a bank that was confiscated by the government and sold off to another bank. That's a lot of time to spend in a cubicle. I don't think I want to go back to that life. Consulting sounds like a dream job for me. I'm a computer guy, so it's not that big of a deal to strike out and work on your own. It's almost expected.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. It's late and I'm off my meds. LOL
The point is ADHD people can do just fine in the right circumstances. I need to be challenged constantly. I need the physical freedom to get up and walk around several times a day. I can't just sit still even on meds, unless I'm totally engrossed in my work. Then I need a change of pace when I get too good at my job and it's no longer a challenge.
I'm 39. I've been around the block a few times. I've lived most of my life with undiagnosed ADHD and Anxiety. I've had all kinds of adventures due to my ADHD. Some good and some bad. Here's what I've learned. There is no such things a normal. Everyone is weird. So that makes me normal. There's more than one way to earn a dollar and there's more to work than a paycheck. I'd rather be homeless than bored. If my job isn't interesting, I move on.
What your talking about is Goal Setting. I've always found it easy to do a task that I know has an end. Nobody is faster at taking out the trash than me, because when it's over it's over. The trick is to take the big tasks in life, like going to the gym or getting up on time and break them down in to finite tasks. "Get Fit" is too broad. Instead make a goal like do 100 push ups or 50 sit ups. When you get to your goal, make another one. Set deadlines. Write them in marker so you can't erase it. Have fun with challenging yourself to do more than you could before. I've given myself the goal to stay seated for 5 minutes without moving. It took about 2 weeks for me to do it and it felt pretty good to make myself do something hard.
Anyway, I think you get the idea. Set goals and work toward that. It's the finite end that we need to get motivated. If you have trouble, research "goal setting" and ask for help from a friend. You can do it and it will be fun.
Good luck.
- ChrisView Thread

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 37. I'm 39 now. Most of my family has ADHD; my dad, my brother, both of my sisters and myself. We are all immune to the effects of caffeine in the normal sense. Specifically, we can drink coffee and go right to sleep.
Truth is, I used to drink coffee to HELP me sleep. I have a lot of trouble sleeping. My eyes are tired, but my brain is running in circles. Adderall doesn't make me stay awake either. But it does clear my head. I used to drink gallons of coffee and energy drinks each day just trying to keep myself from bouncing off the walls at work. At my first psychiatrist visit, I told him that I drink coffee to help me sleep. He said that should have told me something was wrong.
Of course it turned out I have ADHD and Generalized Anxiety. I'm recieving medication and therapy. In general, I'm sleeping a lot better. I'm calm and more relaxed. I feel better about life. These days the only time I have trouble sleeping is when I'm stressed out. Before, I'd stay awake for for all but maybe 2 hours in a day. Before age 30, I used to stay awake for days at a time.
You might consider seeing a psychiatrist. There may be something more you need to consider than taking adderall to stay awake. If you have anxiety or OCD or some kind of stress keeping you awake, they can help you with it. I didn't believe ADHD was real until after I was diagnosed. I didn't believe I had any kind of Anxiety problems until my therapist noticed I have some "Significant OCD Tendencies." I began to consider her advice and eventually she convinced me to take something for it. I wish I hadn't waited so long. My life changed a lot after I was diagnosed with ADHD. It changed even more when I got my Anxiety under control. Now, I can truly relax like I NEVER did before.
I hope this gives you something to think about. I hope you get the help you need, whatever it is.

Good luck.
- ChrisView Thread
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