You are wise to educate yourself before going to the doctor. In fact, count on the fact that most doctors are not knowledgeable about ADHD. Even some who claim knowledge have poor knowledge.
I always emphasize self-advocacy. The smarter you are about treatment strategies, the more you can choose a skilled clinician and work with that clinician on optimal results.
The fact is, you are not alone in having "more than ADHD." About 75 percent of adults with late-diagnosis ADHD (meaning, diagnosed later in life or going without treatment for a long time) have a co-existing condition. That includes anxiety, substance-use disorders, depression, etc.
The most successful outcomes I've seen for these adults often come from a combination of stimulant and a medication that addresses the anxiety/depression, etc. -- combined with a good diet (low in processed sugars and carbs, ample in healthy proteins and fats), exercise, and sufficient sleep.
It sounds as though you have some real strengths, but you might have developed some bad habits that could thwart optimal treatment efforts. "Hyperfocusing" is not truly a "gift." It means that there is little balance or ability to regulate focus.
Contrary to the propaganda, people without ADHD can focus very well, too. So this notion of hyperfocusing being an ADHD-only trait is just silly and counter-productive. How are you going to put your talents to good use, for example, if you can't tackle any project that can't be done in one setting? That's a set up for frustration and failure, in my opinion.
You are 37, still young but getting to the age where "hyperfocus" will wear you out. To play the long game well, you'll need more balance and self-regulation. Pursuing good treatment for your ADHD can help you achieve just that.
The general answer is yes, ADHD can affect coordination.
Your question, however, was "Does ADD affect the extremities?"
It is extremely important to understand that the brain is connected to the body. In fact, it is not only part of the body, it is "command control" for the body.
In other words, the brain sends and receives signals to and from the rest of the body in order to regulate breathing, blood flow, sensations, visual processing, and everything else that keeps us alive and functional.
While the often-touted stereotype of a child with ADHD is that of a talented athlete, ADHD can also result in poor neuromuscular control.
That is, the person's brain can have trouble telling the muscles and limbs what to do. There are other issues, too, such as difficulties in telling left from right, judging depth of space (such as when aiming to kick a ball), and more.
Anecdotally, I've seen medication help kids and adults with ADHD gain better muscle coordination. This won't be true for all, but overall, it's important to remember that ADHD is a "body-wide" condition; it's not just a problem with "paying attention" or doing homework.
It is hard to say, because you don't mention if you are taking brand names or generics (which can differ, by law, in milligrams). Medications are not equal in their dosages, so your physician could be correct.
You say you are a "really busy family and really don't make plans. We go with what we want at that time."
I strongly encourage you and your husband/partner to be evaluated for ADHD. It is a highly genetic condition, meaning your children could have inherited it from either (or both) parent.
You know how the flight attendant says to "put on your oxygen mask first?" The same applies to parents of kids with ADHD who themselves have ADHD.
You can best help your children (whether or not they have ADHD) by taking steps to deal with your own ADHD symptoms and becoming better able to plan.
Parents with unrecognized/untreated ADHD have more trouble being effective parents. Effective parenting requires consistency, and that can be very difficult for people with unrecognized/untreated ADHD.
In fact, you might be giving too much medication or therapy to your child in a misguided effort to make up for disorganization and chaos at home. I'm sure you would agree that this isn't a good idea. I encourage you to consider getting help for yourself and maybe your partner.
You have my deepest sympathies. It's just not right, is it? For you to have some clear indications that a first-line ADHD medication might work for you and yet this psychiatrists doesn't "get it."
Unfortunately, I'm afraid this situation is more common than the reverse: Psychiatrists who understand the treatment protocol for ADHD.
For one thing, Wellbutrin/Buproprion is not a first-line medication for ADHD. It does help some people with ADHD and for others it makes symptoms such as anxiety worse. It just depends on the individual.
Some psychiatrists mistakenly assume that Wellbutrin is great for their patients with ADHD because it hits several targets that usually require two or more medications. For example, some people with ADHD do well on a stimulant and an antidepressant (simply put, targeting dopamine and serotonin). In this way, some psychiatrists see Wellbutrin as a "twofer."
The other perceived advantage is that it's not a schedule II controlled substance, as are the stimulants. So it requires less paperwork on the physician's part (also a special license).
You would serve your interests best by learning about a methodical medication protocol for treating ADHD and sharing it with your physician (if that's the one you're stuck with). I offer one in my book because I felt it was important for patients to learn how to be more pro-active, given that so many psychiatrists just don't do well in treating ADHD.
I would encourage you to keep advocating for yourself. You sound smart and knowledgeable about what you need and where you'd like to be. Yes, the marijuana usage is a bad idea; it can further exacerbate low initiation, working-memory deficits, etc. So you need to stop. The problem with some psychiatrists is they take a black-white stance on this, instead of seeing the marijuana usage as a possible symptom of untreated ADHD (using it to deal with the anxiety). And using that information to provide better treatment.
It's completely unfair that people with ADHD have to work so hard to get the care they deserve. I wish it were different. But that's the reality. Be pro-active. Be persevering. And know that you are well within your rights in doing so.
ADHD is a very complex topic, and it does take a bit of study to understand how best to help someone help themselves.
One of the biggest obstacles is the tendency of some people with ADHD to be "in denial" of their symptoms or how to mitigate them. This "denial" can be both psychological (seeing the diagnosis as a "label" or judgment that they are inferior, flawed, etc.) and physiological (that is, it springs from the ADHD symptoms themselves). In other words, the person might truly not be connecting cause and effect.
How kind of you to want to reach out to this person.
When you say "very young" adult, I assume you mean 18-25 or so.
To best help this person, you can start by educating yourself on ADHD basics. Once you are aware of the nature of ADHD and its recommended treatment strategies, you can confidently share them with this person. Too often, people want to tell these adults with ADHD "what to do" without fully understanding their challenges.
For example, it's typically not just a matter of lacking "organizational skills" but more overarching challenges with untreated ADHD symptoms, which are brain-based.
There is much good information here at WebMD ADHD.
First, you should know that you're not alone! I've talked with dozens of young mothers with ADHD who coped rather well in life until the birth of their children. Even women who were very organized and successful at work (and, relatively speaking, in the rest of life) found that their coping strategies broke down at home, including when they became stay-at-home moms.
The biggest problem they report? There is no structure! Self-structuring is not considered an ADHD strongsuit, and when there are few cues in the environment (deadlines, a meeting at 3:00, a boss's email asking when that project will be completed), it's easy to get lost in the minutiae. Instead of focusing on the tasks at hand, it's easy to let anxiety spin out of control. When that happens, it can be tricky to discern what is innate, neurogenetic anxiety or depression and what is the fallout from untreated ADHD.
First of all, I would not dismiss the importance of establishing an effective medication regimen first. Too many people with ADHD (and their physicians) fail to realize just how critical is finding the right medication (and dosage) for you. After that's on board, you can focus on what's left over.
Some people will do best with a professional organizer who has expertise in ADHD, someone to help establish routines, schedules, and organizing systems. Some might benefit from a coach. Until you start the medication, though, it can be hard to know exactly where you need the most help.
As far as finding a professional, it really depends on the resources in your area. Typically, psychologists conduct the evaluation and then you see a psychiatrist for the medication.
In my experience, it's best to identify the most experienced psychiatrist you can find (being board-certified in ADHD should help insure expertise) and ask if they work with a psychologist who can do the evaluation. (Some psychiatrists perform the evaluation, or they might work in a clinic where another professional performs the evaluation.)
If there is a CHADD chapter in your area (check at http://www.chadd.org -- chapter locator), attend a meeting and ask others for recommendations to local professionals.
You can also ask your health insurance company for referrals to specialists in your area.
Overall, there are many ways to find a specialist. No one way. The most important factor is that you have a rapport with the professional and feel confident in his or her expertise. The best way to do this is to educate yourself first on what to expect of ADHD treatment.