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May Check-in

Hi Everyone, It's time to think about a May check-in. Unbelievable that tomorrow is May 1st. I...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:May Check-in Hi Everyone, It's time to think about a May check-in. Unbelievable that tomorrow is May 1st. I...

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Reply: My 59yr old mother with ealy onset of alzheimers

Your post really touched me. I am currently going through a very similar situation but I am a few steps ahead of...

Posted by kdg68

Your post really touched me. I am currently going through a very similar situation but I am a few steps ahead of you. I'm 44 years old with 4 kids. My father is 64. He was diagnosed with dementia about 6 1/2 years ago. About a year ago he was living in a trailer home about 15 minutes from my home. I moved him there from his childhood home to let him have his independence and be close by in case I was needed. Around Aug '11 we were due to have a hurricane pass through our county. I brought my dad to our house to make sure he was safe. Luckily I did because a tree fell into his trailer. But while he was here with us, we realized he had progressed to the point where he needed to have someone look after him. We decided to keep him with us. That was the hardest 8 months of my life. It affected my entire family. My dad has always been the nicest, kindest man but his behavior had changed. He was yelling at my kids, moving things around, hiding things in the house that didn't belong to him. He was hallucinating and just very agitated all the time. We couldn't take him anywhere and couldn't leave him alone so we always had to either not go anywhere as a family or find someone willing to watch him for a few hours. I am fortunate to have a lot of family support but I felt like he is my responsibility and I needed to be the one to take on most of the burden. Like you, I felt strongly about putting him into any type of facility. I am a daddy's girl and putting him into a home was not an option. But the more the behavior continued the more I realized he needed more care than I could provide. I was always tired and angry and resentful. A friend of mine told me something that really stuck with me. I had become the caregiver and could not be just his loving daughter. I went to the department of aging and all they could tell me was either hire a nurse or put him in a adult daycare facility for a couple of hours to get a break. That wasn't possible so we finally started checking out assisted living facilities. We finally found a place that we felt comfortable with and he went into the facility in March. I felt so guilty and lost sleep worrying about how he was going to be. I know he never wanted to be in a nursing home but I also know he would never want to put me and his grandkids through what we were going through. He loves us more than anything and I just had to do what was best for him and us. I felt selfish and like a failure at first because I couldn't take care of him like I should have. But after a couple of weeks in the facility he was making friends and seemed to be a little calmer. When I went to visit, he didn't always know my name but you could tell by his eyes that he knew I belonged to him. I was more relaxed and rested and I could just enjoy the time with my dad instead of constantly stressing over what needed to be done for him. The place he is in now is a wonderful place that cares and knows how to handle his behavior. Keep in mind they also have shifts so they are able to live their own lives also which is very important. I completely understand the feelings you are having right now but I can promise you this, you are a great daughter to even try to take care of your mom. A lot of people don't even do that and having lived with someone with Alzheimer's I know how hard it is. My advice to you is to seek as much help as you possibly can and let go of those guilt feelings. Your mom in her heart would understand that you have done the best you can and you will continue to do the best for her even if it is to put her in a facility that can give her the care she needs. Then you can go back to being the daughter and not the caregiver. You can enjoy the moments with your mom that unfortunately with this disease don't come often enough and build the relationship that will put your heart at peace. Stay strong and have faith. That's all you can do with this horrible disease.

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Posted by kdg68

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My 59yr old mother with ealy onset of alzheimers Your post really touched me. I am currently going through a very similar situation but I am a few steps ahead of...

Reply: Bexarotene Off-Label Use

Hi jamesbbb, You are right about how long the research process takes. I am happy that there is...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Bexarotene Off-Label Use Hi jamesbbb, You are right about how long the research process takes. I am happy that there is...

Reply: On Hospice and End Stage Dementia

Hi Tina, Sounds like the family has been facing so much throughout this journey. Hospice is...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:On Hospice and End Stage Dementia Hi Tina, Sounds like the family has been facing so much throughout this journey. Hospice is...

Reply: Off Topic - Our Son Made Us Puppy Grandparents Tod...

Hi Carol. All the pets are getting along famously. Little Midnight holds her own and does not back down...

Click on my user name or avatar picture to read my story.

Blessings, Dave

Posted by davedsel57

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Off Topic - Our Son Made Us Puppy Grandparents Today Hi Carol. All the pets are getting along famously. Little Midnight holds her own and does not back down...

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Reply: Out of the loop!

Hi Shelly It saddens me to see that Ron is declining so fast. I am so glad that you are getting some...

Posted by 2010guardian

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Out of the loop! Hi Shelly It saddens me to see that Ron is declining so fast. I am so glad that you are getting some...

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Reply: Alzheimers

Hi Sue- Have you tried the phone number or web site Judy mentioned? They can help you so much, even if there...

Posted by cjh1203

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Alzheimers Hi Sue- Have you tried the phone number or web site Judy mentioned? They can help you so much, even if there...

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Reply: Update On My Dad

Thank you so much, Judy. I appreciate that comment so much. We did something nice yesterday after all the...

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Blessings, Dave

Posted by davedsel57

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Update On My Dad Thank you so much, Judy. I appreciate that comment so much. We did something nice yesterday after all the...

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Reply: ground hog day

It must do your heart such good to know that he has accepted that your mom is gone, and that he seems happy...

Posted by cjh1203

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:ground hog day It must do your heart such good to know that he has accepted that your mom is gone, and that he seems happy...

Reply: Happy Mother's Day to All - Yes, Even You Men Out ...

Hi Carol and Dave and Everyone, Really enjoyed your sharing about your mothers. My mother passed...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Happy Mother's Day to All - Yes, Even You Men Out There! Hi Carol and Dave and Everyone, Really enjoyed your sharing about your mothers. My mother passed...

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Reply: April Check-In

That sounds so exciting, Ruth. Thanks for letting us know about it.There seems to be a lot of promising...

Posted by cjh1203

11 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:April Check-In That sounds so exciting, Ruth. Thanks for letting us know about it.There seems to be a lot of promising...

National Day of Prayer

Hello, everyone. I understand that this is a secular board, and we all have and are entitled to our...

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Blessings, Dave

Posted by davedsel57

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:National Day of Prayer Hello, everyone. I understand that this is a secular board, and we all have and are entitled to our...

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Reply: Taking A Needed Break

I am so sorry that you are experiencing such stress. It takes another who has even a small amount of...

Posted by gottagohome

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Taking A Needed Break I am so sorry that you are experiencing such stress. It takes another who has even a small amount of...

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Reply: Ongoing experiences

Silly me! My previous message posted. I am sorry! Thank you for your suggestions. You are so right...

Posted by gottagohome

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Ongoing experiences Silly me! My previous message posted. I am sorry! Thank you for your suggestions. You are so right...

Reply: Durable Medical Power of Attorney

Hi Kathy, You probably have this covered but check in about the most legal form of advanced...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Durable Medical Power of Attorney Hi Kathy, You probably have this covered but check in about the most legal form of advanced...

Reply: Medic Alert + Safe Return

Hi Kathy, What a wonderful way to have some time for yourself and know that your husband will be...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Medic Alert + Safe Return Hi Kathy, What a wonderful way to have some time for yourself and know that your husband will be...

Reply: Feel like a terrible son

Hi Jim, I know just how you feel. I have been in caregiving situations and find myself unable to...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Feel like a terrible son Hi Jim, I know just how you feel. I have been in caregiving situations and find myself unable to...

Reply: Concerned my Dad is showing symptoms

Hi, KMaryR, Your father is in a sad situation. I do understand about his feelings about the spirit...

Posted by 2010guardian

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Concerned my Dad is showing symptoms Hi, KMaryR, Your father is in a sad situation. I do understand about his feelings about the spirit...

Reply: hubby new onset

Hi Marilyn. I was really happy to see a new post from you, and thrilled when I read it -- it brought tears to...

Posted by cjh1203

389 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:hubby new onset Hi Marilyn. I was really happy to see a new post from you, and thrilled when I read it -- it brought tears to...

Reply: Anti-Anxiety Drugs

I caution you to be very careful using Ativan for anxiety. My Mom was diagnosed approximately 7 months ago...

Posted by sheila6666

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Anti-Anxiety Drugs I caution you to be very careful using Ativan for anxiety. My Mom was diagnosed approximately 7 months ago...

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Reply: March Check-In

Hi Ruth. That's a frustrating thing about finding a food that leaves out an ingredient you don't want --...

Posted by cjh1203

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:March Check-In Hi Ruth. That's a frustrating thing about finding a food that leaves out an ingredient you don't want --...

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Reply: Coconut Oil Revisited

Judy, Today I bought Organic extra virgin coconut oil at a 'Whole Foods' Store. It was cold-pressed from...

Posted by 2010guardian

9 Replies | Reply Report This | Share this:Coconut Oil Revisited Judy, Today I bought Organic extra virgin coconut oil at a 'Whole Foods' Store. It was cold-pressed from...

Happy Dyngus Day!!

Read about this special day here: http://www.dyngusdaybuffalo.com/ Have a blessed and marvelous...

Click on my user name or avatar picture to read my story.

Blessings, Dave

Posted by davedsel57

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Happy Dyngus Day!! Read about this special day here: http://www.dyngusdaybuffalo.com/ Have a blessed and marvelous...

HAPPY EASTER!!

Have a blessed and super Easter Sunday, friends.

Click on my user name or avatar picture to read my story.

Blessings, Dave

Posted by davedsel57

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:HAPPY EASTER!! Have a blessed and super Easter Sunday, friends.

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Reply: Mom has pre alzheimer's....

thanks carol, i prepare alot of her meals n take her grocery shopping for foods she can easily eat....she...

Posted by healus88

thanks carol, i prepare alot of her meals n take her grocery shopping for foods she can easily eat....she still will eat a salad and other things microwaveable...roll up sandwiches with lunch meat etc...easy things....she can throw together...her brother died about 3 yrs ago from emphazema and she was very upset but it didnt stop her....she sees the commercials on smoking affects and then goes out and smokes ....she has no regard for what she is doing...she will even laugh and say yeah i know...her mother had breast cancer and died cause it went to other organs and brain....i think smoking is a ocd....like cleaning she does....she is obsessed with it...where she lives alot of the girls get to gether and smoke ea day and talk..so its also social...r whole family has talked to her about this but she has to stop cause she wants to or otherwise she lies and it becomes secretive we dont want that...so we have the doc talk to her every visit about smoking and how she would benefit so much from giving it up....doc is very nice....she just doesnt care....she has gotten very selfish as well where other pple feelings sometimes are not important , its what she wants when she wants . like a 2 yr old child....forget trying to ask or tell her anything cause somethng so simple becomes a fiasco....confusion confusion....we go in circles...so i limit what she needs to actually know ....i will go in today to take her shopping ....oh she is horrible with money ....if she gets it she spends it on nonsense ....she doesnt think or reason ....my brothers help out when i cannot so i am lucky to have them ..and my aunt helps out when she can as well so i do have pple i can call if i need them....everyone is now on the same page as to what is going on with her disease, whereas before it was just me who was doing it all and i just couldnt anymore , i had to ask my family for help ....so i am the main caregiver cause everyone else works fulltime ...i just take one day at a time and eventually we will make more decisions regarding her care and health....thanks for the support....View Thread

Posted by healus88

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mom has pre alzheimer's.... thanks carol, i prepare alot of her meals n take her grocery shopping for foods she can easily eat....she...

Reply: Happy Palm Sunday!

It's wonderful that you persevered and found such a good place for your father, Dave. Have a...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Happy Palm Sunday! It's wonderful that you persevered and found such a good place for your father, Dave. Have a...

Reply: absolutely clueless

Dear ecr1987, First of all, obtain an accurate diagnosis from a physician. If the onset of her...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:absolutely clueless Dear ecr1987, First of all, obtain an accurate diagnosis from a physician. If the onset of her...

Reply: My Dad's New Apartment

Hi, Carol. No, my dad has always been pretty stubborn actually. I think now he realizes he needs our help...

Click on my user name or avatar picture to read my story.

Blessings, Dave

Posted by davedsel57

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My Dad's New Apartment Hi, Carol. No, my dad has always been pretty stubborn actually. I think now he realizes he needs our help...

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Reply: Worried wife

Hi Moonshine. In case Judy isn't around, I wanted to give you this link . It gives you information about...

Posted by cjh1203

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Worried wife Hi Moonshine. In case Judy isn't around, I wanted to give you this link . It gives you information about...

Reply: Alzheimer Emblem

Hi Kathy, What a great idea! Check with the Alzheimer's Assn. If they don't have one, maybe they...

Posted by Judith L London, PhD

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Alzheimer Emblem Hi Kathy, What a great idea! Check with the Alzheimer's Assn. If they don't have one, maybe they...

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