My mom has Alzheimer's and is around stage 5 or 6. Our post office is about a mile from our house. My mom insists that somebody is stealing our mail so my mom makes several trips over there a day.
Sometimes going over there as early as 4am, and it's still dark. I've tried distracting her with many different things and nothing works. If I physically try to stop her she gets very angry.
I don't know what to do to keep her from going outside in the dark. I don't think it's safe for many reasons. We live in a small town but there are still creeps around not to mention it's cold outside. I have alarms on the doors and I'm aware when she goes out but I cannot stop her. I thought about locks on the doors but I'm not sure.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Please help!View Thread
It's been a long time since I've posted anything. My mom'a Alzheimer's is quite a bit worse now and I'm still taking care of her with minimal if any support from my family. I'm the only one that lives with her. She now believes that everyone is stealing from her, she hides all her belongings including mine if she gets a hold of them, she refuses to take showers, she is constantly talking to herself, she wears clothes and then puts the dirty ones back in her closet or drawer, and probably many other things if I could think of all of them. I still have an undiagnosed illness, suspected arthritis but that hasn't changed anything I'm still expected to do the work. When my oldest sister comes home now and then I'm also expected to care for her and she is paralyzed from the waist down and is in a wheelchair. My dad tells me that I must ignore everything easy for him to say. When I complain about the situation he takes me on a guilt trip. I'm unable to work because of the arthritis so he pays my bills for me so it's easy for him to make me feel guilty. Am I complaining too much since my dad pays my bills or is this an unfair situation? Sometime I feel like my family doesn't care about me, maybe like I'm their employee not a family member. I'm thinking of looking into a local support group, if I can find one, to help with some of the issues. Any replies would be greatly appreciated.View Thread
I don't know if my mom is afraid of falling or not. She walks over to our post office several times a day, even if the roads are slippery. So I don't think that is the problem. We just got our hair cut and I suggested she take a shower. She went into the bathroom, turned on the faucet but never got undressed. When she came out I asked her if she showered and she said she did. But I knew better, I didn't know what to do from there. KarenView Thread
I haven't contacted anyone yet. I do realize I'm not totally alone. It is more hard on me emotionally than anything. I hate watching what's happening to my mom. I think our doctor said not to push her on the shower thing because he's afraid she will retaliate on me. I think he's afraid she will get violent if I push her and that is something I fear also. You're right about my father, he is in total denial and nothing will change that. Most of the time I fear what's coming next and how I will handle it. I experience several different emotions on a daily basis. Anger towards my father is the most frequent emotion, then comes sadness. However, I try very hard to take one hour at a time and try not to think any further ahead than that. Also just telling you and others about my situation helps. I know I'm not alone. Thank you. KarenView Thread
I would be very appreciative if someone would give me a break. So far I've had two days away in 7 years. Not much of a break. It would also be nice for people to come visit, but it seems that friends and family avoid my mom and me. I would also appreciate suggestions for problematic behavior. However, I must solve those problems myself. KarenView Thread
Our family doctor is already involved and he isn't suggesting a facility either. Everyone seems to be focused on making my mom comfortable and don't seem to be concerned about me. I don't think my mom is ready for a facility either I would just like to have more help and support from family. I told our doctor that my mom is now refusing to shower and his advice "just let it go, don't push her". Recently my mom has misplaced her post office key and house key. My father wants me to give her my keys. That's his solution. My dad doesn't seem to be affected by anything so it doesn't bother him. If it bothered him, he would be more supportive. I have friends who feel bad about my situation but they are not in a position to help. My family however, will never get any more involved than what they are forced to. Thank you for your response. KarenView Thread
Our family doctor does know all about it. He talks with me quite a bit about the situation but tells me that I'm stuck right where I'm at. I know he will back me up if my mom needs to go to a care facility. He also wanted to prescribe some medication to relieve my mom's symptoms and also make things easier on me and my father wouldn't allow it. My father is in terrible denial and unfortunately is also very controlling.The situation is extremely difficult and stressful and getting worse all the time. But I thank you so much for your reply and I will keep in touch more often. You have helped me a lot in the past too. Thank you.View Thread
Well over the Christmas weekend my oldest sister came home for two days. My sister needs cared for as well as my mother. My sister has spina bifida, can barely walk at all, and is paralyzed from the waste down. She takes tons of medications too. So I was going to be dealing with all this plus taking care of my mom plus dealing with my own illness over the weekend. I told my middle sister and my father I can't do it by myself, somebody will have to stay here (at my house) the whole time and help me. They both told me they would stay and help out. My middle sister even told me she would stay over night. So I was under the impression that finally I would have help. When the weekend came nobody helped me. Both of them backed out on me. I took care of my sister and my mom the whole weekend plus battling my own health problems. So now I realize that my family isn't taking my health problem seriously at all and now I don't think that right out asking for help will do any good either. I don't know what to do now. I'm quite angry over what happened and my father and sister seem to find humor in it. I don't know what my next step is but I'm getting tired of being used and treated like a slave and that's what I feel like. I feel like an unpaid employee in my family not a family member.View Thread
I guess the main reason I don't take action and continue taking care of my mom and occasionally my oldest sister (she is mentally handicapped as well) is due to guilt. I'm not really sure where the guilt comes from either. I know I have absolutely no reason to feel guilty.
Right now I'm not even able to work due to my own illness so my father pays my bills which adds to the guilt. It makes me feel like if he pays my bills then I should take care of my mother. What I really would like is if somebody could make my father see what he's doing and how unfair it is to me but so far nobody has done that. I found out it doesn't do any good to bluntly ask for help either. I was seeing a counselor a few years ago because my situation really got to me. I went to a counselor for over a year and took anti depressants. My dad doesn't even know about it. I've often thought of telling him about my serious bout with depression but I honestly don't think it would make any difference.
I don't think my father takes my illness seriously enough even though he can see how it affects me mentally and physically. When ever I talk with him about mom, he either changes the subject or laughs. I still haven't figured out what to do and continue to struggle with my own illness and my mother's illness. I really don't know what it will take for my family to wake up, especially my father. It really hurt me that despite my own illness I'm still expected to care for my mother. I really honestly don't know why my family does this. However, this web site really helps me, I don't feel so alone anymore and I do my best to take one day at a time.View Thread