I've actually right out asked my dad to help me with her personal grooming habits. Sometimes I'm actually scared to ask her to shower. Fear that she will yell at me. So quite a while ago I asked him to take on that responsibility, maybe remind her every other day to shower but he simply won't do it. The only time he will remind her about personal grooming is when he is taking her somewhere which isn't very often. As for asking for help with other things I haven't done that yet. I'm still trying to come up with a way of approaching the situation and at the same time afraid that they will not help. Their way of helping now is telling me to call if I need anything which to me isn't the right way of offering help. I would prefer it be on a volunteer basis but I'm starting to realize that won't happen.View Thread
Because of my mom's Alzheimer's disease she is no longer interested in personal grooming at all. This has been going on for quite some time. She doesn't shower, change clothes, brush her hair, or anything unless I tell her to do it. I used to bribe her by telling her that if she showers and changes clothes then we will go somewhere, I can't do that at this time because I'm ill and am unable to drive. So now when I've asked her to shower she either refuses to do it or she gets defensive. She goes on wearing the same clothes for several weeks at a time claiming that she changes everyday. The same with a shower, she will go weeks without showering but claim she showers every day. She doesn't change the bedding on her sheets without being told either. Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to get her to do these things without it being a battle? Or will it have to continue to be a battle but forgotten about later? Does anyone else have this same situation with someone their caring for?View Thread
Actually my parents aren't divorced, they just don't live in the same house. It's a strange situation that began about 22 years ago. My father has the say in what happens because he is the one that brings in most of the income. I really believe that my family feels bad about what I'm going through but for some reason they don't feel bad enough to help. I realize that it's partly my fault that they don't help much because I don't often ask. I wish I didn't have to ask.
You're right, snapping back at my mom definitely doesn't help and I try so hard not to do that. Most of the time I find it easier to just keep to myself although sometimes even that doesn't help. My mom refuses to take any medication for the problem. Our doctor has actually prescribed two different kinds and after taking them a couple of days she says they're making her sick. I have told my father that I won't be able to deal with her aggressive behavior if it gets physical or if she gets to the point where she yells at me constantly. If that happens or when that happens I will probably have to go to our doctor for help.View Thread
My mom has Alzheimer's and of course I'm the one that lives with her. I have other family members including a father but the responsibility seems to be up to me 99% of the time. Anyway for the last few months she has been more defensive. She snaps at me for no reason even claiming that I was looking at her funny. She is also beginning to do things that make no sense. Nothing so far that will cause harm but still doing illogical things. My dad will never consider putting her in a nursing home I know it will always be up to me. I'm currently dealing with an undiagnosed illness that is most likely an autoimmune disease such as lupus or arthritis, the doctors don't know yet. My question is how do I deal with her defensive attitude? Sometimes I just try to ignore it and let it pass. Sometimes without thinking I get defensive back. Most of the time I just try to keep quiet and to myself. Does anyone have any advice for me?View Thread
I do tell them I don't handle it as well as it seems but I've never gone into detail about it. I'm not sure it would make any difference. My dad has literally said that he certainly couldn't deal with it so I know he has some idea, but I don't think he knows the severity of the toll that it has taken and still is taking on me. But then again he says the same thing over and over again, he says he doesn't know what else to do.
I'm not sure if I could get them to counseling or not it's just one of my off the wall ideas. I know it helped me quite a bit.
Oh I definitely hate asking for help or even admitting that I need help. I'm not sure that I've ever came right out and asked but it will probably come to that sooner than I realize. With the illness that I have I may simply not be able to care for my mom by myself anymore. That's when things will certainly have to change and I'm certain my doctor would help me with any needed changes. I just hate to think of it happening that way.View Thread
Thank you. Our family doctor is very supportive of me, he is definitely someone I could count on. I know that when the time comes he will help me get her situated where she needs to be. My father and our family doctor actually discuss it fairly often but it doesn't seem to make my father realize the seriousness of the situation. I think my father knows that as long as I'm around then I'm the caregiver. I also think he's in serious denial about it and he feels if he does anything to help then he's admitting there's a problem, which in turn makes it real to him. One reason I had to see a therapist was so I could face my mom's problem, so I've often thought that the rest of my family could also benefit from some counseling. My family is always commenting on how well I can handle the situation; if they only knew what I've been through they would maybe realize that it's not easy for me either. I'm a lot stronger than I was a few years ago, so I'll be all right. Just talking on this discussion board has helped me considerably. I wish I would have done this a long time ago. Thank you so much for your concern! It is greatly appreciated!View Thread
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that there is a local support group that was very recently developed. It was just today that I decided, if I can get well again, to see about joining this group. It's not far from where I live and I think it will help me cope with the situation better. Again, thank you so much!View Thread
Thank you for your response. There are two problems with putting my mom in a facility. One, there's no way my father would do it because of the expense and two I don't think I could do it at this point either. I just wish that my family would take it more seriously, help out more, and have a little bit of compassion for me. I know eventually something else will have to be done and maybe sooner than later. I'm aware of it but I don't think my family is. Right now I'm unable to work so I'm home all the time to watch over her, but if I'm able to work again someone just might have to stay with her when I'm not home. Thank you so much for your advice. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know somebody knows what I'm going through.View Thread
My mom is now 70 years old. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 5 years ago. My father is still in fairly good health but my parents don't live together and haven't for at least 20 years. So I've been living with my mom only, since I was 16 years old and I'm now 37.
I notice my mom's Alzheimer's getting worse and worse as time goes by. At this point she can't do anything without my instruction and supervision. She still uses the bathroom just fine, but she won't take showers unless I tell her too. Sometimes when I tell her to shower she does it without question, other times she gets defensive. She mostly wears the same clothes all the time because it's difficult for me to keep track of that. She is actually defensive most of the time now and it seems like I can't talk to her without her snapping at me. She has delusions as well. She's told people that my middle sister is a thief, she thinks that local law enforcement has blamed her for stealing, she thinks the neighbors want to sue her, and many other off the wall stories. If I don't tell her when to eat meals, she doesn't eat. She has also completely lost her sense of taste and smell and her eyesight is slowly diminishing too. The family doctor has prescribed her medications for the Alzheimer's, but she refuses to take anything. Normally taking care of my mom isn't my only responsibility, I also have a house cleaning business. So when I'm working out of the house, my mom is by herself. Nobody offers to stay with her. I even had to take her with me on vacation last year, that was a challenge! Recently I've developed some kind of crippling illness (doctors haven't been able to diagnose yet) but I still remain responsible for caring for my mom.
I feel alone because I have no help or support from anybody in my family. When I talk to my dad about it he laughs at me and says it's better you than me, or he just refuses to talk about it at all. My dad doesn't feel like my middle sister should have to help either because she has a life of her own. I have actually experienced depression so severe at one point that I nearly took my own life. The family doctor is fantastic and stands behind me all the way. He prescribed some anti depressants and had me see a therapist for quite some time. After about a year, I pulled out of the depression but it comes and goes. Nobody in my family knows anything about it. So all in all I have no help and nobody to talk too. Most of my family is in denial about the whole thing. I would welcome any advice, opinions, comments or questions.View Thread