Thanks for the incredibly good suggestions and comfort you offer all the time. I, too, have discussed with my loved ones what my wishes are in the event that I develop dementia, and put this in writing. It needs to become a standard part of all advanced directive formats.
Hi Tanya, So glad the consult has been made. There are many ways you can still reach out to your Mom-she may understand more than you would think - picking up words of comfort, voice-tone, aromas, music she has always liked hearing nice things going on in your life. You've made wise decisions about her care even without the apparent support of your siblings. Check with Hospice about her not eating as I have heard that it is a painless way to let go.See if there is a support group in your community for you - it helps.
It is loving to want to have your parents move in with you but eventually, the burden of care becomes overwhelming for caregivers, whether it is your Dad or you. The Alzheimer's Assn. is your best bet for learning about what to do.
Caregiver stress is a serious problem - and that you are stepping to to help your Dad is admirable.
You are in a tough situation but the sooner your family gets some outside help, the better it will be. Use the approach that the help is for your Dad and you, not your Mom. Have one of you stay with the new caregiver the first few times to ease the transition. The sooner you take this action, the better it will be. You need to take care of yourself in order to be effective.
It's good that you set up that doctor's appointment. Physical illness must be ruled out before diagnosing Alzheimer's. The Alzheimer's Assn. has guidelines about how to handle this situation - www.alz.org. Tell your husband it's time for a physical, and let the physician handle the rest.
Now that the weather is a little more predictable, I hope, enjoy the breezes on your face and the sunshine light around you. Daylight is nature's anti-depressant - for you and your loved one. I'll be out-of-town for the next 2 weeks but keep writing in and I'll try to respond.
So glad you found a support group! It is OK for you to share some of your feelings with your Mom by making "I" statements such as, "I feel so sad that you are frustrated. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take aways all the confusion and anger you feel." People with this illness know something is very wrong, and they have unerring instincts. It's OK for both of you to cry together - and it validates her feelings as well since she knows on an unconscious level that you are upset, as is she. You both probably have similar feelings - only they get expressed very differently.
Please take care of yourself first. Get help with your depression. That you even consider hurting yourself, or her for that matter, is a bold sign that you need to deal with these feelings now.
Contact the Alzheimer's Assn. (800-272-3900) and you will find people in the same situation who have tips on how to survive. Get help with her now. Don't wait. There are community resources available if you can summon up the strength and reach out. You need relief from this burden.
I know this is really hard to do but do not take her accusations personally. Its the disease that is terrifying her and the only way she can react right now is this way. Every time she accuses you, tell her it must be so hard and scary to be missing items.
When you feel better, look into a memory care residence for her, despite her objections. You're the one who can think straight - she is sadly unable to do so. If finances are an issue, there are many decent places that accept Medicaid. Again, the Alzheimer's Assn. or a comparable non-profit group can give you input in you area.
Our hearts of out to you during this stressful time, JudyView Thread