You are wise to have arranged for the day program. It looks like he gave it a try and got upset about the future. He may need to talk about it. He might benefit from an Alzheimer's support group where these issues can be aired. One may be available where you live. Check with www.alz.org or call 800-272-3900. Consider a support group for yourself as well - even though you work so hard so many hours of the week.
Now is the time to discuss this illness with him, and find out about his wishes of the future. Counselors who help this are available at the Alzheimer's Assn. or other non-profit organizations knowledgeable about Alzheimer's.
I hope you have made arrangements for your Mom to be seen by a physician to rule out any physical basis for her behavior. Often people who accuse others of stealing are actually losing items they have misplaced and can't remember where they are. Try asking your mother where she last saw the items, sympathize with her that they are missing, tell her you'll help her find them. This approach may be useful if your mother is in the early stages of dementia. It's import an to diagnose what is causing her paranoia so that she can be properly treated.
So many others have had a similar situation - so take heart, JudyView Thread
Let me add to the wise suggestions given to you and add that getting support for you outside of the family will really help. This is too hard to go through alone. Check into your local senior centers, religious organizations as well - often they have people to give you a hand regardless of your membership. Don't neglect yourself - see your own physician about feeling so sad - and check out your own medications to deal with drugs effects that are making this even more difficult for you.
Hi frogette, So sorry to hear about all of this aggravation you are going through.
This may be a good time for you to explore day programs and/or memory care facilities for your Mom before it gets even worse. The professionals there know how to help people with these issues. Check with your local Alzheimer's Assn. at www.alz.org or 800-272-3900. They will help you find some answers. Also find out about a caregiver support group in your area - either sponsored by the Alzheimer's Assn. or another local agency, the Senior Center, etc. It is so important for you to take care of yourself during this incredibly stressful time, and people who join support groups find relief as they go through this experience.
Your are really a trooper! The reason why I think that an accurate diagnosis is necessary is that dementia only describes a cluster of symptoms that may be caused by Alzheimer's, Lewy body dementia, fronto-temoportal dementia, etc. Lewy body dementia typically presents with delusions and hallucinations with memory functioning not so damaged in the beginning. Alzheimer's medications are are not recommended in that case. See if the neurologist has ruled out Lewy body dementia. It's a hard call because delusions and hallucinations sometimes occur in Alzheimer's, but in my experience, not usually in the beginning.
Thought you might like to read an article, Caring for the Caregiver, by Jane Brody of the N.Y. Times, Tuesday, February 18, 2014. She features my new book: Support for Alzheimer's and Dementia Caregivers: The Unsung Heroes. She also wrote the article on her blog on February 17th with the title, Caring for the Alzheimer's Caregivers. well.blogs.nytimes.com
Vascular dementia does not have stages. But, once the brain is weakened from one type of dementia, it is susceptible to other types. Has a physician told you she has Alzheimer's as well? If so, is she on medications to slow the process? She may have an infection, dehydation, medication effects or depression as well - which are treatable. Also, hospital stays are really disorienting.
As for stages in Alzheimer's, the Alzheimer's Assn. has information that indicates the stages. Go to www.alz.org or call 800-272-3900.
What a tough situation. Try local memory centers from universities in your area. Also, she might qualify for a clinical trial since it sounds like she may have early onset Alzheimer's - and with clinical trials, medical costs may be covered. I hope that a neurologist has placed her on medications to slow the decline. Get help from local community organizations - they often have volunteers who will give you some relief. The sooner you can have her go to a day program or get some additional help, the better it will be for you and your wife.