My mom recently had a hysterectomy and they ended up taking out her fellopian tubes becasue there was cancer coming out of them. Post tests revealed cancerous lymph nodes. She went in to surgery and I have been through living hell being with her. The agony...not pain...the hallucinations from the drugs...not being able to eat or go to the bathroom....all the tubes in her...she just wanted to leave the hospital and yank out all the tubing. I became the focal point of all this because I was the one that kept her in the hospital and in the bed. She is finally getting better...it was horrible.
During this time...my father who was the nicest father in the world...who has alzeimers and parkinsons (83) is only concerned with himself. I have snapped a few times and I know that I shoudn't. I know that it is the disease. I am a special ed teacher and deal with disease associated behaviors all day lone and it doesn't fase me at all...and it's all day long. I expect it from them.
You would think that I could just understand and it makes me so angry that my dad keeps expecting everyone to cater to his needs when my mom just got out of her second surgery in less than a month. She needed the air conditioning down very low and the door to the hospital room open because of the drugs and surgery....meanwhile he kept telling us to close the door because he was cold. Everytime he would walk in the hospital room after being at the hotel while I was up with my Mom in terror all night no sleep would talk about what he ate and what he wanted for breakfast...dinner...etc..while my mom hadn't eaten for 3days..who thought that her induced state that I was doing it to her...I couldn't understand how he can be so self centered in a time where I am in tears because my Mom may potentially not make it out of the surgery and she is crying and moaning in pain.
I feel like a terrible son. He has steadily gotten worse overy the last couple years to the point where he talks at you not to you. It's the same old story. I feel like I lost my dad...he only cares about himself...doesn't ever ask me about me...doesn't have conversations with me and tells me I am criticiszing him. I don't know how to tell hime that he is not the center of attention and that Mom is more important.
I also have anxiety to begin with...thank God for Zanex...On top of everything else my Mom is a RN and takes care of my dad...and she is the one who needs taken care of.
I feel terrible and helpless. I don't know what or how to say it to my Dad. I know that I am being a jerk and can't seem to know what to say. How do I nicely tell my Dad who can cognizantly tell everyone what they are going to do when he wants it and expect everyone to drop what they are doing to attend to his wants....Wants...not needs.
I am an extrememly considerate person to everyone...especially my students and bosses and friends and I am the exact opposite with my dad. Help I am very frustrated. ...and we haven't started chemo yet and I have to go back to my home 17 hours away to go back to work and I wm so worried because he will want everything now when my mom is nthe one who needs it.View Thread