Hi, Thanks for all the advice. I feel stupid for coming to this so late in the game. Ive been on psych meds almost half my life now so I don't really know who and what I am without them. I've taken Effexor for so long that it simply became like my baseline- a baseline that drs just shied away from because it's notoriously hard to get off of. So, even though I stopped receiving any benefit a long, long time ago, I stayed on it. Eventually, I would only take maintenance doses to keep the brain squiggles (zaps) and other withdrawal symptoms away. Brain squiggles are the main withdrawal symptom I've had from all the serotonin meds and I hate them. To me, theyre like fingers down a chalk board but inside your head- something you don't hear but feel. They make me cringe. Anyway, I have a new, medicine conservative provider who wants me to come off a few of my meds before I can try something new.
I thought I had this because I take Effexor maybe twice a week to make the brain squiggles stop. But she told me that I had to be off for 2 weeks completely and that they would be *hard*.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't stop shaking and crying and I'm so angry that I feel like I could murder just about anyone in my path. I am blowing up at everyone. Breaking down in public. I've made my poor little boy cry too many times in a few days and I feel terrible and I hate myself more than I ever have. If I could claw my brain out right now I think I would, just for some peace.
I don't know what's real and what isn't. I don't know what is my actual psychopathology that was there all along, that needs to be treated; what is related to the withdrawal; am I just worse? I have no idea.
I wasn't prepared, at all, for this. What can I do now to tell the few people close to me, after I've already done so much damage? How would anyone understand this anyway? It sounds like a science fiction movie and my experience, so far, with living with mental illness is that people aren't very compassionate or sympathetic but very blaming. My baby is 4 years old- do I just ask his father to keep him away from me until it's over?
It's Day 5 of no medicine; Day 3 of brain squiggles which I'm used to but hate and Day 2 of "irrational" and intense mood swings that scare me. I'm scared.View Thread