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Now that I can finally function slightly, now what...

Hi there I'm a 31 year old woman and I have been living with anxiety pretty much since...

Hi there
I'm a 31 year old woman and I have been living with anxiety pretty much since birth.
Looking at all of the various types of disorders I find that I relate to every single one of them to sliding degrees, plagued mostly by violent panic attacks including very covert attempts at hurting myself where I feel completely disconnected from my experience, as if looking at the scene from outside of myself mostly, up to completely blacking out during severely stressful scenes.

I also suffer from some other medical conditions [DVT, severe and largely visual migraines and permanent sinus problems> that I believe may or may not have a direct ink to the constant fear and panic that I have somehow managed to live with for such a long time.

I sarted, finally, taking medication around 4 months ago, Lexamil 10mg once a day and valium that I should be using thrice daily but end up only taking trying to prevent or during a panic attack [mainly because I feel extremely disconnected from reality when I take valium as prescribed, unable to function at all because i feel totally numb and seperated from my own thought patterns>.

My questions are the following:

1. Is taking the valium at irregular intervals as i need it rather than permanently and as prescribed affecting the function of my Lexamil?

2. I am still experiencing some attacks, though fewer and more clearly and would like to know if this could completely be elliminated by changing my dosage?

3. Now that I look at my life through medication-coloured glasses I feel completely ill-equiped to handle anything therefore replacing frequent heavy attacks with a constant feeling of having ZERO control over my emotions. I feel as if I have never learned how to cope with aything because I was simply handling EVERYTHING though this meant creating a very effective fiing system in my mind.

4. I now feel much more in control of the attacks but completely incapable of tackling the original causes of my anxiety as every feeling I experience now is slightly overwhelming. I used to simply file issues away it seems and though I don't feel as if my entire life is run by this curse anymore I am now faced with a reality which is scaring me blind and is resulting in a permanent state of confusion that I am very much NOT qualified to deal with. Are there other medications available for this or should I go directly in search of a psychologist or psychotherapist to help me with this? I tried therapy once before and I left feeling as if I had completely manipulated the session achieving the exact results that I felt most comfortable with [clearly not positive outcomes either>.

I need to know if this is normal whn first starting the proces of healing this debilitating condition that seems to be mosty ignored by society as a whole or simply shrugged off as silly personal issues that shouldn't be brought up in civilised conversations because they only happen to people 'who cannot handle the truth / life'.

i need to know if there is something more that is wrong with me than fear.

If possible I request that sufferers relating to my condition has any advice.
I can't meditate, i have absolutey NO appetite so eating this away is very much not going to happen, I am under SEVERE and CONSTANT stress within my nuclear family and I have no desire to live like this for the rest of my time here.

Please help me!

Tania
Proudly from Johannesburg
South AfricaView Thread

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