Hello, all. I know this situation isn't nearly as dire as many others posted here, but it has affected my life negatively, so thanks for reading.
I'm a guy in my early 40s. I have significant dating anxiety. I don't have a problem meeting women or people. My dating anxiety occurs in the 2-5 date range with women I am very interested in - the purgatory between a first date and the start of a relationship.
I will (and have, as of tonight actually) sat and obsessed for hours of why things aren't the way I think they should be. I could type out a laundry list of issues I obsess over but I'd say it seems to be all "normal" dating issues people fret over — perceived issues in communication styles, commitment, intentions, etc. I will then have a massive release of relief when things aren't as I thought they were.
I'm here today because I am dating a woman. I super like her and don't want to blow it. We have been on 3 dates. I had significant anxiety between dates 2 and 3 about communication and her online profile, and despite coming somewhat close to ending it (she didn't text me first + online profile is still active = she's not interested = I'll end it now to save myself the trouble) I pulled myself together with HUGE effort and date 3 went off without a hitch and actually ended fantastically - we had a big heart-to-heart whereby she said she really really likes me and established that we are not dating anyone else (though no mention of taking her profile down — I don't have one but I have a hidden one I use to spy on women I date from online). We then ended up in her bedroom for a heavy super sexy make out session.
When I left her place that night of the 3rd date (Thursday) I said I'd text her in the morning. There was a chance she was going to have friends in from out of town so she said she'd call to make plans based on when she'd known their status. I texted the next morning (Friday) about I was thinking of her, etc. She returned the comments but no mention of plans. It's now late Friday and she hasn't said anything about the weekend. I am having major anxiety (sat here for ~7 hours with race brain) over the fact that to me it's the simplest thing in the world to let a person know so they can plan accordingly for the weekend. I just can't get over how someone can communicate like this. I never would do this. Also, I have not spied on her profile — if I were to see it still online tonight and showing activity in the last 24 hours (and especially "online now") I'm 99% sure I would end things. The pull right now to do this is almost irresistible. If I don't hear from her tomorrow (Saturday) I will have mega anxiety — should I have simply called on Friday? Is she expecting me to be The Man and initiate plans even though she said she'd let me know? I'm also having compounding anxiety issues — anxiety that she is not having this anxiety, anxiety that that I am tainted, anxiety that I'm going to blow it, anxiety that despite attraction we are not compatible, anxiety I'll never find anyone as attractive as her, anxiety I'll come off as the dreaded clingy/needed/insecure wimp if I contact her about the weekend, etc. etc.
Yes, my friends have counseled me that keeping busy and communication is key but that doesn't help me in the here and now, plus it feeds into my anxiety as mentioned previously. I keep physically active, I try breathing exercises, I try to keep busy socially, which all helps, but I still have major issues. I've tried behavioral cognitive therapy (seeing him next week) but I didn't get a lot out of it, other than for him to listen to me. This is really negatively affecting my life (esp. work) plus I don't want to blow it with her. I don't know what to do.