I'd like to know the answer to this too. The professionals have not been very helpful yet. My daughter of 3 is similar with perhaps a bigger range of foods but only bad foods and snack goods. She won't touch dinner unless it's fast food. I keep offering and she keeps going to bed hungry. She'll eat any biscuit, cheese, yoghurt, apple is the only fruit, no vegetables, occasionally plain rice, sometimes pasta, dried sugary fruit cubes, lollies and chips of course, sometimes chicken nuggets and muesli bars. Does hot chocolate count?
At least mine is getting plenty calcium but I'm not happy. Good luck with your son and I hope someone can helpusView Thread
Omg. What a situation. That poor child. I'm unsure if you are asking for advice on how to care for him or advice for resources to help his parents cope (which would differ depending on location). I wil respond as thr former so I'm sorry if I misunderstood
The most important thing is routine. Use visual schedules. The aggression will be worse if there is a change that's taken place. Joint compressions can help in a meltdown. Keep calm and if you choose to speak use few, soft words. To avoid meltdowns, especially with this change, limit visual, auditory and other sensory stimuli. Continue to speak to him like a normal 5yo. Most of them can understand more than you'll know. Just don't expect recognition - that's a reward. Remember that autistic children take what you say literally. If you say you are off to pick up a car, he wilk think you are going to lift s car. You'll slip up with these but just correct yourself.
Consider an ipad. They have heaps of autistic apps on there.
Find him a speech therapist amd occupational therapist asap. Early intervention is very important.
Sorry I can't help morr now but wanted to give you something as you sound like you are in a tough situationView Thread
It sounds to me like your biggest issue is his father and his lack of defending you. Is that right? I can only suggest that you tell him that you are thinking of leaving him if he either doesn't start defending you or cut off his dad? But I suspect there must be more to it? As for keeping your husband happy...it's a tough ask for people with asd to stay happy. I speak as an asd person myself. The world is confusing and we are too often misunderstood which makes us feel like crap. Remember that his dad could be on the spectrum too and doesn't realize what he is doing. It does run in families.
I understand that it must be very hard to not have that intimate relationship. I am incredibly needy when it comes to emotional support and I'd just implode without it. It sounds like your husband is making a lot of progress right now and I'd encourage you to wait a bit longer to see if he can work on those things. But this is your life, not mine and only you can decide if you can stick it out or if there is still hope. It also sounds like you are really understanding him now too. Although that doesn't change his behavior it can make you realize that sometimes things aren't what you thought they were. I struggled with a relationship (not an intimate one) for a long time until I realized he was asd and now I see he didn't know better. Gtg. Good luckView Thread
I can see that would be a real problem. Unfortunately I don't know how to help with that as it's not an issue I've had to deal with. People on the spectrum have difficulties understanding things they never had to experience. And even then it can be hard.
The best way to help someone like us understand something is to connect it to something they do understand. Perhaps if you asked him to imagine if his boss askedhim to work extra time for less money. Or...sorry I don't know.
Have you considered looking for another job? One to replace them all? I presume that amount is monthly? Three jobs is crazy. There must be something else out there.
Alternatively, ask him if you can both visit a financial planner to help find a way to take the pressure off you. He can look at your finances and I bet he'll find a way to help.
I hope that helps a little. It's kind of a tough one to solve without knowing you two inside and outView Thread
It is normal to feel stupid when your abilities are being tested. To diagnose aspergers, you also need to do an iq test. I don't know if he's disappointed in those results or if he struggled trying to do it.
As for your other questions, I can't really say about what the neuro guy meant as I don't understand what he's saying bit definitely we often don't know the hidden messages. We are very literal. The memorized stuff is common with asd. We can memorize what to do in a certain situation without really knowing what and how and therefore can't aleays apply it to similar situations.
The third of your posts is clasdic asd. Strict rituals. I always have my breakfast, then cuppa then shower. I get frustrated if asked to shower before breakfast.
Do you need any advice around these? If you can, it's best to let him do anything that doesn't disrupt you. It works for him and makes him feel secure. A psychologist msy help him learn to be more flexible but I'd leave that for the pros. That way you can be in his good books
As ridiculous as it may seem for him to get upset about changes to his routine, please remember that he is genuinely overwhelmed by it and it's really hard for him. I know it can be frustrating to have to deal with it all the time but it is worse for him. Try, if you can, to make changes easier for him. You msy eish to spell out ways for him to move forward. For instance, the other day my son was throwing his food on the floor. My mother told me to pick it up off the floor before getting h out of yhe highchair. My response was "I can't! Of I pick it up, he'll throw it back before I get him out." I could only see one way of doing what she'd asked. Mum then said "pick up the toast. Put it on the plate. Put the plate on the table out of his reach. Then take him out of the highchair." I was only thinking of putting it on the highchair and never considered the plate. My initial reaction was that she was being rude but I soon realized that was exactly what I needed from her. The "I can't" that we often say can sometimes mean "I can't think of another way to do it".View Thread
Thanks danielle. Not sure I have anything you can help with. My biggest problem atm is trying to remember to set up my visual planner which is crucial to me getting things done around the house. the problem is I need my visual planner to remind me but I need it set up to do so. Lol. My husband promises to remind me but never does. Nothing else works for me.
I'm so pleased things are improving. You're welcome to keep asking away. I am happy to help.
Not sharing his earnings is not cool in my books though I do know some couples who split the bills and keep money separate. They swear by it. It's not for me.
I hope things continue to improve. If you'd like some reading, the little book of the autism spectrum by dr Samantha todd is goodView Thread
That is s myth. People on the specttum are more empathic than average. That often results in them learning to cope with it by not allowing themselves to feel any. I personally can look at a huge disaster and just get angry that they are making such a big deal with donations and the rest. Now I know that it's a good thing to help others and it's very tragic but if I allow myself to accept it, I'll be morning every single loss as if I knew them. I can't handle that every day. And you are right, they also don't know how to express their emotions. Thirdly they can't put themselves in other people's shoes so their empathy is limited to what they can relate to. Even then they might not connect what is going on with another to what is going on with them. He will never be keen to see people. He won't suggest it. You need to be the one seeking the friendships. You don't need to make friends for him as he is ok with limited friends. You can however invite your husband out with you and your new friends or just go out by yourself. I see my couple of friends four times a year each and that is when I'm working very hard at it. I do need them just not often
When he gets an official diagnosis, you may find it useful to work with a psychologist. They can help him and you both with marriage difficulties.
Sex is not easy for people on the spectrum. You must remember that their brsins run a mile a minute. To stay focused and in the moment is just not that easy. For some the interest is there, a few have no interest what so ever. Again a psychologist might know more as tk whether there is help there.
He is a vulnerable adult. My husband does not allow me to pay for anything from telemarketers or door knockers as I've got us in trouble before. We don't always know when someone is deceiving us and it's easy to be taken advantage of. His level of assistance needed will depend on his individual case. For me, I struggle with housework most of all and managing money. If I were alone, you can bet my house will be a mess but I'd get the minimum done to have clean clothes and dishes. It may not be worth visiting. I have enough ability to get by but I can easily dig a hole. I very much doubt he feels normal. Or, if he does, it would be because he doesn't understand what normal is. Usually it is easy to see how easily things come to others that we struggle with. Some end up angry, others depressed. Self hate is common. Others hate the rest of the world.
I can't speak directly for your husband as we are all unique but I can say if you are not happy, neither is he. People on the spectrum are very empthatic and I believe we hurt more than the person we are empathic for. We have to close our hearts off for survival in some cases which makes us appear cold. I can't watch the news because I end up feeling hopeless, crying and overwhelmed. We can't easily sit in between where "normal" people sit. On a side note, this is also true for our intellect.
I must go. Continue to ask away and let me know how his resukts go. I do hope you can give it a bit longer with your marriage noe that you know the cause. The psychologist may help take the load off and it sounds like your husband might start doing some work too to improve himself. Think it over but you've come this far, maybe it's worth a few more months?View Thread
Please know that my problem was with the suggestion that you would have chosen not to marry an autistic person on that fact alone. It sounds to me like your problem is that you married someone with the expectation that they'd change?
I understand how frustrating that is and everyone needs emotional support. The question is whether you can get enough from elsewhere to make your marriage worth sticking with.
I do wonder though, are you explaining yourself clearly? You have to remember that anyone on the spectrum can't put themselves in another's shoes. They also can't read between the lines well. Yesterday I had someone ask me if I had a pillow orcushion I could use. I said yes. It wasn't until quite a deal laterthat I realised she was asking me to get one. You may find it helpful to relate your situation to one you knowhe's experienced. To use the example you gave above, think of a time when he became angry or upset because someoneasked him to do more than he felt he could. Explainnthat you feel how he did then. Make sure there are no distractions when talking to him. Be frank always. It's quite common for people on the spectrum to know their own problems. They don't realize that others don't feel the same way. My husband was the one who pointed out bit by bit that people just don't feel the way I do (high anxiety, frustration withccommunication). Perhaps you would benefit from learning about autism and using that knowledge to improve communication between you two? And don't assume that because he doesn't say, he doesn't feel. I struggle to say sorry or ask how my husband's day was. Doesn't matter if I am sorry or if I desperately wamt to know how hid day is, I still get blocked with something that I still can't explain. I know you need to hear it, so you need to find ways to make him more comfortable expressing himself. Perhaps he'd rather share his feelings in writing. The benefit of this is he has plenty of time to reflect on what he's writing and he doesn't have to get it right the first time.
I must go but I hope some of this was useful. I also hope you understand why I found that comment so offensive.View Thread