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Autism Support Community

Whether you have received the diagnosis or in pursuit of one, get support and ... more

Reply: ADVISE ON HOW TO LIVE WITH HUSBAND WITH ASPERGER'S...

Dear Imsicktoonow, Oh my goodness, you hit the nail right on the head. It took me close to...

Posted by Mama6

Dear Imsicktoonow,

Oh my goodness, you hit the nail right on the head. It took me close to 20 years to finally figure out what was wrong with my husband....he's an undiagnosed high functioning autistic. Me & my six young kids have been stuck in a nightmare. I knew my husband had absolutely zero social skills, zero communication, zero caring or empathy, he could never relate to me or anyone, he didn't take care of himself -appearance-wise, or the maintenance on our home, let alone try to take care of my needs as his wife. He's a slob. I hate living in a disorganized, dirty house, and I'm constantly picking up. He could care less and steps over things and leaves crumbs, garbage, and dirty laundry everywhere. He cares about nothing but his job...but he even falls short there too. He's the complete opposite of my father and he shows no love, compassion, or concern for the kids. I always wanted a big family and realized that he fell short of typical communication, emotions, etc. that other husbands possessed, but I thought since I invested so much time with him already and if I had a family with him that he'd just stay in his own little world, and at least I'd have my kids. Well, he became increasingly more violent as we had more kids. It added more responsibilities to his life. He stresses out at little things that normal people handle with ease. He practices no self control screaming and swearing the worst profanities at the top of his lungs in front of and AT little children (all 7 years old and under). He thinks he's being a great provider by paying the bills (I had to quit my career when I had my forth baby). He's never given the kids (or me) compliments or praise. He just belittles them and they're a thorn in his side. He goes through life looking through his eyes only. When I ask him to spend time with the kids, he gets defensive and angry. It's a power issue for him and he refuses to let his wife tell him what to do...even though spending time with kids is a very normal thing for fathers to do. I've tried to talk to his mom, and I think she has a touch of aspergers or something too, because she really has a hard time with eye contact, feelings, and reciprocal conversation. One of our sons is now autistic too (high functioning). My oldest daughter has behavioral problems and craves her dad's attention. She needs counseling now.My husband gives no attention to anyone, and he's highly abusive with his words. He also man-handles the kids.So, I'm stuck now. It's the point that I resent him so much..I hate him. He bad mouths me to the kids, he disrepsects me and the kids so much. I started fighting back years ago since my pleas for his attention & caring went nowhere. We've had physical altercations too...very uncharacteristic of me, but I've become this resentful over the years and I fight back. I hate that it's become this & that my children think this is how it's supposed to be.Being married to an autistic person, especially one who was (questionably) raised by an autistic mother, cannot yield husband-father-leadership material. My kids are suffering the most. How do we escape? He's very manipulative and constantly bad mouths me and tries to brain wash the kids. I can imagine him doing this in court. He's used the kids as pawns. Wondering how I'll leave him now....I have 6 children - 2 of whom have special needs. I think it would be way too much for me to realistically handle a full time job, housework, meals, schoolwork, doctors appointments, weekly therapies, etc. X 6 kids. My parents are elderly and are not in good health, and that's all I have to turn to. Obviously, moving in with them is not an option. My husband always threatens that if I leave him, the money goes bye-bye., and he will quit his second job too to make sure that I don't get that income. He doesn't realize nor care that it would be put toward the kids, not me! That doensn't matter to him though. He's so spiteful.View Thread

Posted byMama6

31 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:ADVISE ON HOW TO LIVE WITH HUSBAND WITH ASPERGER'S SYNDROME Dear Imsicktoonow, Oh my goodness, you hit the nail right on the head. It took me close to...

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