Francesa, I also use a planner and post-it-notes. I could probably get a long without, but would have anxiety and probably miss appointments. John has worked on his time and task management. He keeps his life very routine and repetitive and SIMPLE! He has the same movements and gestures every day. For example: when he gets up in the morning he grabs his towel and wraps it over his shoulders like a cape. Follows the same exact routine every morning; same cereal bowl, makes a lunch sets it in the same place by the door. He always leaves and comes back at least once...sometimes twice. Not sure if he is forgetting things or if it is some kind of anxious behavior.View Thread
John had a session with the doc about his Aspergers. Of course he isn't telling me much. When he got home he sat on the couch, angry and said, "I'm not very smart!" twice. He told me that he remembered an incident from childhood where he threw a dinner knife at a large mirror in his childhood home and shattered it for now reason when he was ten. He is going back for specific Asperger testing in a week and a half. He is having a really difficult time with this! understandable.View Thread
That is so very interesting! I now know some things I can do to make my life easier and better. Like, not work 3 jobs because he won't share his paycheck...I need to find a way to slow down.
I met a guy this summer that was so nice and friendly. He was doing metal detecting at a lake. Eventually I invited him over to do it with my husband. Our new friend is kind of "slow" due to brain damage from rheumatic fever. He likes my husband and I set them up on a play date (lol) I do have to give up on expecting couples friends or him setting up social things. Thanks Francesa...keep writing. Anything I can help you with?View Thread
Hi Francesca, I thought Aspies (no offense intended) didn't have empathy...or can they just not show it? John laughs at gory things in movies and at other upsetting things.
Here is one of the 3 biggest problems I have with him: isolation. We did not have children, we live in an isolated environment and we have no couple's friends. On weekends and holidays we are totally alone! We don't have much extended family. When we got married I foresaw this as a potential problem and it worried me, now it feels like my worst nightmare. I wonder if he scares people away. He doesn't ever suggest including friends. He gets his social needs met through organized groups, mostly his AA group and friends. I am bored out of my skull with him!View Thread
Helpful? You cannot believe how helpful all that information is. And it describes him a lot! I cannot imagine how hard it must be for him and you. I did not know any of this and have struggled for sooo many years. He is precious, but it just may be too late because I'm so worn down.
On October 31 he is going to get a final diagnosis of Asperger and I am quite sure she will say he has it. Then what? I am not happy. Even though your suggestions are great I just don't know if I have it in me any more. But it helps because I have to still work some stuff out and we still live together.
I don't mean to pry but we have no sex life and haven't for years and when we did it was terrible. Is there any help for him there?
Is he a vulnerable adult? Will he need some kind of assistance when I am gone? In your best estimation does he feel normal at all?
Another big problem we have is that I think his brother has taken financial advantage of him. We purchased a cabin with his bro and he tricked us into signing his mortgage. I was in agreement with everything before I knew husband was ill. Is it an illness. Thanks Francesca......DanielleView Thread
I never said I didn't know there was something wrong before I married him. I did suspect something and I asked him a couple of times and he said there was nothing wrong! That's the truth. Several times throughout the marriage I've asked him and suggested something was just not right with our marriage.
I never pretended I didn't know...I just didn't know what it was; the mistake was thinking he was going to tell me. I don't think ne knew either. I married him anyway, thinking things would get better. It wasn't all bad. I just don't get any emotional support and never had. It took all these years to add it all up!
This morning I got up and had a conference call for one of my 3 jobs. While on the call he asks me to fit in 2 errands for him today. I will be working 2 of my jobs. I asked him what he was doing tonite and he said watching football.
No matter how I complain or point out how selfish that is, he just doesn't get it. I don't know about your daughter, I am only relaying my experience.View Thread
To Frances. You are angry and defensive. The purpose of the forum is to help each other not blame. The real problem living with an Aspie is the loneliness and lack of shared meaning and connection.Like "At the end" I did not know my husband was Asperger although I asked him what was going on with him before we were married. My husband has wonderful qualities that attracted me to him but I have learned I need love and intimacy as well.
"At the end" did not know her husband was going to have really strange perhaps sexual deviances until she was well into the marriage.It is extremely painful to have to figure out on our own what is going on! I think it must be worse than losing a spouse to death because you don't really get the sympathy, benefits or clean-cut break from it all. I am 57 and I feel like my life has been ruined. I cannot stay married to my husband it is too hard and starting over and finding a new mate to grow old with may not happen. So lighten up and post something helpful to the forum.View Thread
I found out my husband (an Aspie) was also molested as a child but can't remember it well and doesn't understand the ramifications of it. He has (had, because there is no more sex here) terrible anxiety and ED when trying to have sex! Now, he seems very asexual. Perhaps your husband had a similar situation because he was a vulnerable child. Wearing your knickers and peeing in a jar? Uh, no, that is not frickin okay! I am a Christian too and it bothers me that I will be divorcing, but believe me I have worn myself out trying to connect with him. Really, there is no other option. This is crazy here.View Thread
My husband is Asperger. He doesn't do things similar to what yours has done but he has a lot of weird communication behaviors like repeats what I said like it was his original thought, when he's talking to someone else he's looking at me instead of them. A lot of times he just can't speak! His eyes are unusual and often he has a glazed, staring look to him.
All of his drawers are junk drawers. The stuff piles up for years! Open a drawer and it looks like a rat has been trying to nest in there. He likes to pick up junk at garage sales and claims he has a big plan to use it. Slide screen, metal detectors, stereo receivers,etc. Up into the top level of the garage it goes!
15 years ago he paid a sawyer to saw mill 3 oak trees in our yard. He paid big money for it. He built a structure to house it and dry it so he could build something. The structure has now collapsed with all of the boards under the roof. He has agreed hundreds of times to get rid of it and then forgets. I even took him to a local cooperative woodshop so he could use the equipment and build his imaginary wood projects.
He can't see that his life is a pattern of fantasies and ideas that are momentary and unrealistic. He can't see into the future, at all, and is destined to be alone...with his wood and slide screen.View Thread