Alright, hi. My name is Lexye. I'm going to make a long medical history short- I have been seeing psychiatrists since I was a little kid. The latest diagnosis, Type 1 Bipolar Disorder with severe psychotic features. I have been hospitalized, taken advantage of, and I have also met some pretty fantastic people. I know some people on this community are diagnosed, and some are not. Regardless- there is a long road ahead of you. These are a few tips to help make the road a little less, well, terrifying. 1.) DO NOT stop taking your medication unless your doctor tells you to. A lot of the meds that treat BP can make you withdraw or even suck you into a mania. As with most with BP, there will be a point in time where your meds work, and after a while- you will feel like you don't need them anymore, you're cured. This isn't true. Most endings either involve spiraling into a severe mania (and probably not even realizing it) or sinking into a crippling depression. If you have an issue with your medication, tell your doctor. If necessary, they will take you off of it or adjust the dose. Don't just stop because you think you don't need them anymore. 2.) Honesty with others will make your life easier. Most jobs (and even schools) are a lot more understanding and willing to help if you are honest. If your job knows that hospitalization is a possibility, they will be more understanding when it happens. Schools might possibly give lee-way. Don't brag- but honesty is literally the best policy here (relationships need honesty anyway, but it's best not to drop the BP bomb at the alter). 3.) Asking for help isn't a weakness, it's a strength. If you are having issues, talking to a doctor (or even a friend) is better than trying to deal with it yourself. When you feel like you are the only one who understands what is happening to you, you're only half way right. There are a lot of people with BP, so even though your situation is unique and your own, there will be people who won't judge and who can help you out, you just need to ask. 4.) You know that old saying- kids can be cruel. Well, this is true with everyone. Even though mankind has an amazing capacity to be an ass- they are also equipped to be kind, understanding, and generous. Don't let a few bad apples spoil your outlook on mankind. That is just how things are- some people will be very nice, and others will not. There is so much advice online and that psychiatrists give you about Bipolar Disorder. A lot of it is accurate, and even helpful. The more you know about yourself and your disease (keep in mind that these things are completely separate), the better prepared you will be to make better decisions for yourself. You should also keep in mind that while a lot of characteristics are classic of BP, everyone is different. There is not a universal definition that all people with BP fit into, because no one is the same. But, that doesn't mean no one can help.View Thread
Ill try to make this short, went to dr today due to diabetes symptoms (I had a1c and fasting done before I went today) I wanted to get a oral glucose test; because I get shaky hands when I don't eat which could mean my a1c of 5.5 is probably higher. They found a trace of protein in urine which I never had before, and they said they only give the glucose tolerance to pregnant women? My pee always smells bad and I pee 10 times a day should I get a new dr? They said the protein was normal?View Thread
I am struggling with myself and trying to sort things out. I want to move on to the next chapter in my life....
Posted by An_257903
I am struggling with myself and trying to sort things out. I want to move on to the next chapter in my life. Most of my life I have had distorted thinking. I think my distorted thinking was a result of an abusive childhood which I have dealt with. There may be some bipolar in my family I don't know. My family members obviously had some mental health issues.
Fifteen years ago I had a psychotic episode (untreated) in the hospital where the doctor said I was manic, I saw people who weren't there, and subsequently after a year of therapy, I was diagnosed borderline/bipolar. Three years ago I had another psychotic episode (untreated) this time I was paranoid and thought people were spying on me because I had prophetic abilities. I had this thinking for several months without knowing I was sick.
I am not sure if I was manic or depressed or both, and maybe none of the above. With both episodes I had a lot of stress in my life and I am beginning to think my psychosis was just a fluke due to stress and not due to any mental illness. Is that possible? Am I in denial? In between these two episodes I was not psychotic, not feeling great, but I didn't feel like I needed to go the hospital again.
Since my last episode I have been taking an AP and I feel good and stable. I am not having any side effects with the AP (no TD), but I would like to stop taking AP's because they should not be taken when there are no longer psychotic symptoms. My doctor wants to keep me on AP's indefinitely. She will not put me on lithium — she says it's toxic and maybe I don't need a mood stabilizer anyway.
Since I do not want to take lithium or Depakote (can't afford to lose a liver or kidneys) then I will not be treating the mania (if it truly exists I don't remember how I felt) if I decide to not take AP's. I am also taking Lamotrigine and Levothyroxine and think Tegretol will not go well with the Levothyroxine. I don't think there is any other combination of meds I can take to treat bipolar even if I wanted to continue taking meds.
I am so embarrassed of my last episode I am obsessing over it long after the fact. I think at some point I could have realized that something wasn't right. If I have a problem it might be with intelligence, judgment and a wild imagination not psychosis. If I learn to control my stress levels with therapy I think my chances of having psychosis again is low or nothing even if I don't take meds.
I am beginning to believe that maybe I am just borderline and not bipolar. Or maybe neither. I have never been a cutter and have always had good long-lasting relationships in my adult years, I am not afraid of abandonment and have never been aggressive except when psychotic this last time. I perceive some situations as black and white but doesn't everyone?
I am older now, and I have had severe bouts of depression all of my life and suicide attempts, but I am not the person I used to be so maybe I am done with all this crap and don't need to take pills every day for an illness that may never have existed.
If another 15 years go by and I get sick again then I will be 70 and senile and won't know the difference anyway. Dementia runs in my family and I can't take AP's if I have dementia so why do I need to stay on this life thieving ride of self-doubt.
Sorry for this long post. I just want to enjoy the remainder of what's left of my good years without thinking I am mentally ill and taking meds of which I am sure many can relate. Thanks for listening.View Thread
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