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Weather: Overcast and grey. May rain.
Sleep: Mixed and not very comfortable. Dang cat.
Mood: bitchy.
Plans: Hubbie's working, I'm gonna try and make homemade banana nut muffins along with maybe apple muffins. Haven't make up my mind yet. Depending on how I feel, may go to the fitness center on site. Finally got the okay to start working out again now that just about everything has been done. :Hope you all have a good day.
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
JessView Thread
Weather: Overcast and grey. May rain.
Sleep: Mixed and not very comfortable. Dang cat.
Mood: bitchy.
Plans: Hubbie's working, I'm gonna try and make homemade banana nut muffins along with maybe apple muffins. Haven't make up my mind yet. Depending on how I feel, may go to the fitness center on site. Finally got the okay to start working out again now that just about everything has been done. :Hope you all have a good day.
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
JessView Thread
Weather: COLD!!!!! Blasted front came through, and hubbie is freezing me out again.
Sleep: Not good. Had a series of steroid injections in my back yesterday and still feel horrible.
Mood: Disappointed. Really hoped to get some relief from the back but didn't. So a day totally wasted and down the tubes.
Plans: Unfortunately have a full day ahead of me. Meeting with tdoc, then physical therapy for my neck, then meeting with pdoc. Busy busy busy. Will be so glad when the inheritance comes and we can get a second car and I can do some driving on my own. Right now I'm waiting for my doctor's office to open so I can find out if I can take my pain medicine yet or not. HATE HATE HATE BEING IN PAIN AND THESE D**M MUSCLE SPASMS!!! Cookie I sooo sympathize with you. The worst part is because of my age my back doctor won't even consider doing surgery. Says I'm "too young". Which I guess is a compliment but a really backhanded one in my opinion. Sigh. Talk to ya all later. It's 8:30 and the office should be open. Have a nice day.
JessicaView Thread
Weather: COLD!!!!! Blasted front came through, and hubbie is freezing me out again.
Sleep: Not good. Had a series of steroid injections in my back yesterday and still feel horrible.
Mood: Disappointed. Really hoped to get some relief from the back but didn't. So a day totally wasted and down the tubes.
Plans: Unfortunately have a full day ahead of me. Meeting with tdoc, then physical therapy for my neck, then meeting with pdoc. Busy busy busy. Will be so glad when the inheritance comes and we can get a second car and I can do some driving on my own. Right now I'm waiting for my doctor's office to open so I can find out if I can take my pain medicine yet or not. HATE HATE HATE BEING IN PAIN AND THESE D**M MUSCLE SPASMS!!! Cookie I sooo sympathize with you. The worst part is because of my age my back doctor won't even consider doing surgery. Says I'm "too young". Which I guess is a compliment but a really backhanded one in my opinion. Sigh. Talk to ya all later. It's 8:30 and the office should be open. Have a nice day.
JessicaView Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
Now on to me...saw the opthalmologist today who says that there is nothing wrong with the eye or the muscle itself. There is nothing he can do for me. What is happening and why the vision is so off is that the eyes aren't moving properly. That means that the brain isn't communicating to either eye through the nerves properly. He didn't say it directly, but he implied a stroke. <sigh> So I have to wait til the 14th and even more testing to see wtf has happened with my brain. But it's definately not conversion disorder. I am resisting the urge to call the PCP and tell him F u it isn't. Who's psycho now? And once i get hub settled in, I will be contacting an attorney for personal injury and malpractice.View Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
The Rhythm Of My Heart/ Rod Stewart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6km7phBQRF0View Thread
Weather: lower 60's I think
Sleep: poor
Mood: looking up
Plans: Spring break this week so I only have my own kiddos. We're meeting my hubs for lunch this afternoon, maybe going to a park, then coming home to laundry.View Thread
I am wondering how common it is in Bipolar Disorder for obsessions to drive or be resulted from severe manic episodes. For instance: spiritual obsessions that turn into religious delusions, obsessions with being famous or meeting someone famous, etc. Also, is it common for the same delusions to reappear in future episodes (ie: someone who reads the Bible once a day becomes manic and starts reading the Bible six times a day. If they go back to regularly reading the Bible will this behavior likely repeat with future episodes? Or, if someone becomes preoccupied with demons while extremely manic, will those delusions likely reoccur?)?
Thanks!
SarahView Thread
Here is one that I am pulling on hubby. I took one of my greetings cards and hot glued a big, broken screw to it. To make it look like the screw is going through the card. I glued a magnet to the back of the card and stuck it to the fridge. On the counter I put a screw driver. My hubby is gonna see that and think I had lost my temper and screwed the card into the fridge. LOL. hehehe
Here are some pranks you can play on ppl.
1. Tape their cell phone under a desk, or chair. Then keep calling their cell phone.
2. While someone is watching tv, take a universal remote, hide where they can't see you and keep changing the channel.
3. Dip the tip of your friends cigarette into a gum numbing gel.
4. Stuff ping pong balls into your friends mail box.View Thread
About 4 weeks ago he told me he was going to work and then drove himself to the airport and moved from our home in Chicago to the beach in California. He appeared very manic when he left, he could not discuss anyone's feelings but his own and claimed to be writing a book/producing a movie, recalling bad memories from childhood and the war. I believe the "Sandy Hook Tragedy" was a trigger for him. He believes he was doing me a favor because he felt he was going to get violent and felt like he was not contributing financially or responsible enough to be a husband to me anymore because of his mental issues. He denies that he needs help and believes he is self medicating with medical marijuana, and having less responsibility. He has abandoned me leaving me with a lease and a path of destruction to his finances, job, relationships and appears to be completely isolated from friends back home.
Until recently he would call and text with myself and his parents on the phone and allowed us to visit him in California for 3 days. It now has been 7 days since I last heard from him and last I heard he told me his phone and wallet were stolen and he was asking me for money, which I did not give to him because this would have been the 3rd time I would have helped him and I have nothing to give and he is not responsible with money.
Myself and his parents do not know what to do and we are very worried about him and don't know if we are doing the right things by trying to connect with him but not supporting him financially. We want him to come home and want him to get help!!
Any tips you could give or if you know of any support groups for us. We considered going to an ALANON meeting to help us cope and understand, but we don't know if it is specific enough to his condition, we feel helpless!View Thread
Weather: hot
Sleep: so so.
Mood: ok for now unless something happens to mess it up.
Plans: I have lots of plans but I'm sure I won't do any of them. Need to finish a bracelet, need to finish a hat, need to finish a purse and some other projects that are half way done and just sitting around. I must do some house work, thats if I can walk. *rolling eyes*. Yup, I have another pain issue. My outer thigh and the area where the hip joins the leg, has been very painful. I did not fall, or injure it in any way. When I walk it feels like the muscles or tendons are really tight and it feels like I'm about to tear something from the leg bone. Of course this is not the case, I hope, it just feels that way. Have any of you peeps had this same pain issue before?
Later I will watch The Walking Dead. Ohhhh the season finale was sssoooo good. Dizzygirl, your the one who watches it, right? What did you think?
Anyways my dahlings, have a good day. muahsView Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
Weather: Absolutely gorgeous.
Sleep: A whopping 5 hours. Couldn't get to sleep and then the alarm went off so I could go do laundry, blew that off and overslept.
Mood: A tad better than yesterday. Don't know why. Maybe I needed to laugh, to spite all the crappola, especially yesterday. Old friends are good, especially goofy ones.
Plans: Well laundry didn't happen. Packed up most of what dh need to get through to Wed. Left home at 9. Drove to kids' house 22 miles. Spent 1 1/2 hrs there with ex helping me explain what happened to DH and why he's in a hospital so far away. Answered lots of questions for ds2 for a change. But ex has promised to make sure they understand and he'll answer anything they want to know. Thinks he knows now that ds1 will rat him out in a heartbeat if anything negative is said. Even ex thought his med list was too extensive for getting in a few days and looked up some interactions for me to take with me for my visit. Then he even offered to bring the kids down to spend weekends with me or to make them available during the week since I can see dh both sat and sun. We'll see. Then it was off to my mom's since I scared the hell out of her over the phone last night. Kind of broke down and she always thinks I'm going over the deep end when I am like that. Had a nice Easter lunch with them and assured her and step dad that I am handling it much better now that I've processed it. You know the I'm ok mask. Shrug. Then it was a 70 mile drive from there to see dh for a whopping 45 minutes because they moved him to a different unit and visiting hours fell back an hour. Not sure how I made it in time. Then another 55 miles back home. So I've driven close to 200 miles today and I haven't gone to get what I need for the next few days for lunches and dinner. All I'm picking up are some lean cuisines or weight watcher frozen dinners. Haven't been very hungry OR don't want to cook for just me. Thinking I might go to Ocala cause it would save some miles and stay from Wed to Wed with my pseudo sister. Maybe being away from here will help even more. Not sure yet. Ok....off to the grocery so I can come home and crash!
Later taters!View Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
I've been away for awhile, major bipolar issues and a diagnosis of PTSD. We've been trying to control my swings, however I am a very serious rapid cycling bipoar1. I have swings every day !!!
My dog died and I crashed into a massive depression, I could not get out of bed or stop crying. 3 days into the depression I was taken to the hospital with the Norvo Virus. I have never been so sick in my life
I saw my Psychiatrist to discuss the mess I am in. 2 1/2 years ago, I was in the same predicament I'm in now, I had taken all the drugs on the market except Lithium, I was scared to death of it and DID NOT want to take it, However, my mania was out of control and I was extremely nasty and aggressive. The surges of adrenalin were at a peak level and I HATE bullies. I have been riding and showing horses since I was 3. Tossing 120 pound bales of hay, mucking stalls, carrying huge buckets of water make you very strong. I saw a woman hitting a puppy and I beat her senseless. This happened often, but ONLY with bullies. I took the Lithium and it killed my thyroid. A few months later I had my creatinin levels taken and they were 1.0. 2 weeks later I arrived at the Hospital DOA in total renal failure with a creatinin level of 9.0 from Lithium Toxcicity . NO ONE to this day has any idea what happened ? My renal function is 30% all from taking a drug I did not want to take. I was completely DETOXED and I did well with no meds. Of course, the time comes when the symptoms return and you need to start taking meds again. I have been housebound for more than a year because if I was around people I would get sick.
Here I am again, the ONLY thing left is ECT and I am scared to death of it. I read everything on here, watched the videos and I'm still scared to death. I got slammed when I agreed to the Lithium againgst my gut and I feel the same about the ECT. What do you think ????View Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
Weather: Sunny and hot....go figure
Sleep: Yeah...that didn't happen
Mood: Aggravated, scared, anxiety at a level 20, bouncing between sadness and being pissed off
Plans: Took dh to hospital - he is now on involuntary and being prepped for transport to a unit 1 1/2 away. Just got home. Have had to tell his sister about it but that he doesn't want to see her, and she's going to take care of their Mom...cause if I go over there, it isn't going to be pretty, He fell off the wagon in a MAJOR way. Possibly involving sex with another woman (afraid to ask him about that part). Pdoc @ hospital who did eval feels there are a multitude of issues to treat him for ranging from substance abuse, to depression, suicidal, the schizo is out of control. Too many meds being introduced to his system at once may have interferred with the meds that keep him level. So I think the plan is to wean him off of EVERYTHING (a total of 14 meds) excluding the Plavix cause he can't miss that at all, and then reevaluate what he needs psyche, cardio and diabetic. Not looking at a short term stay. Of course, there is no gas in the car...it needs oil....and I have $5 o last until the 1st. I'm going to have to call my mom for help with a tank full of gas at least. I'm in shock right now I think. Just kind of numb even typing this out. But other than that the anxiety is through the roof. Other than a month of being alone here, there's too much to figure out at the moment. And I don't want to think about any of it.
Hope you are all having much better Saturday than i am.
View ThreadHope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
In April, it will be a year ago that I lost touch with reality and became very delusional. I have great fears associated with the anniversary of this. It is also Spring, which tends to effect my mood, and I am pregnant so my hormones are out of wack. Will I become this manic again? My pdoc says no. He says now I am back on meds, now I have a pdoc and tdoc looking out for me and supports also watching for warning signs; that is reassuring to me but I still am worried. Anyway, I've only been back on meds since Oct and I haven't been stable much at all in the last year, even since being on meds. Here is my issue: apparently, you cannot breastfeed on Lamictal. That might not sound like a big deal, but to me, it is. I breastfed both of my babies for their first year. It is best for them and I know how tight things will be if we have to buy (very expensive) formula. So, I am considdering coming off of this med, or maybe all of my meds, under the supervision of my pdoc. He is willing to consider it, although he strongly advises otherwise. My mom also says she would much rather me stable and formula feeding than depressed or hospitalized and breast feeding. My husband says he will support me either way. Here is what I am thinking, I went through the worst episode of my life with no meds, and while I did wreak a ton of havok, my family was blindsided, now they are not. They will recognize if I am in need of serious help. Also, if I'm not stable now, what difference will it make? I am very torn by this, but I am leaning towards not taking them for the next year and a half. What is your advice/opinion on the matter? Thanks for your support,
SarahView Thread
jessView Thread
JessView Thread
Weather: Was overcast, sun is trying to come out now. Supposed to be warm again. We'll see.
Sleep: Again, 8 1/2 glorious hours!!!! Maybe now I'll lose some of the weight I gained. )=
Mood: Hopeful...... we'll see though.
Plans: Hubbie's hours got changed around this week-end which means he doesn't go in to work til 10:30 tonight. So once he's up we're going to buy our ham and a few other things for Easter dinner. Depending on what time he gets up and his mood may talk him into taking me shoe shopping so I have something nice to wear with the dress my friend's mom gave me. You know, when I was young I hated hand me downs. Now I love them!!! Guess when it's your money you're spending it kinda puts a damper on things. Especially when you're as well endowed as I am. (and that's all I'm saying.) IU got beat last night, of course they played horribly so they deserved it, still was hoping for at least an elite eight appearance out of them. Sigh.... The only thing that will make this okay is if Louisville and Michigan lose today. Got my fingers crossed. However, if Louisville does make it all the way, soooo glad I'm not living at home still and will have to hear about it for two weeks!!!! I HATE HATE HATE University of Louisville and University of Kentucky men's basketball. Growing up in Corydon that's all I heard about. It's like the Louisville media was blind to anything that happened in Indiana. I remember my freshman year of high school our boys basketball team won sectional for the first time in like forever, and for the first time that season we actually made the sports section of the Courrier Journal. Rediciouls !! We won district, we won our conference, just about everything you could name, we won. Not a peep. My senior year, our girls volleyball team shocked the whole region by beating Floyd Nobs and winning their Sectional. Not a peep. And that my friends, is why I don't work for public media. Or any type of media. Too biased and shock driven.
Oh well, I've been on my soap box long enough. Everyone have a great Easter week-end.
JessView Thread
sleep: could use more but i have too much energy
plans: spoke to Cookie this morning and it was a lovely surprise to hear from her. im going to have a couple friends over later so thats going to be fun.
anything else: no thats pretty much it. oh i have a new nephew and he is just precious. hes got my chin.View Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
Then there is the worrying about me. The vision isn't improving in the right eye still. And the left eye seems to be declining a little bit as time goes on. I'm getting daily migraines on the right side of my head ranging from mild to severe. I HATE taking the Relpax because it's a triptan, but the PCP wouldn't give me anything else and OTC doesn't work at all. Don't see a neuro until the 14th. My current pdoc ruled out the conversion disorder which means it's something more serious. They didn't rule out a seizure, but I think the symptoms would have gone away by now. It's been a month. Which leaves....TIA. And I am worried this is going to be permanent. I know I can live with partial or full blindness. I can overcome that. But what if there was more damage than just my vision?
Ds1 is still not doing the best. His pdoc FINALLY put him on buspar for his anxiety, so hopefully he'll start testing better, especially with state exams coming up. He's got 2 D's and 1 F this quarter. And I'm just livid that the ex isn't doing more to help him. My hands are kind of tied with just 3 weekends per month. I'll have him at least over the summer, but he'll already be repeating his sophomore yr and socially that's going to be a disaster for him.
And as I sat in the diabetic class today, I realized that maybe ds2 needs to be screened because he has so many of the early symptoms that could be being overlooked because of his severe ADHD and subsequent meds. Another fight with the ex. UGH
I am just over everything. I won't touch finances other than to say I have to somehow overcome this fear and go out and find a part time job since dh can't do anything to help. Even with the TTW program, by doing so (physical and mental designation that said I would NEVER be able to work again) I might be risking my benefits. I am tired ALL the time and it isn't the depression tired, it's over everything else. There is so much to change and I just can't seem to do anything else but keep focusing on all the health problems.
The only relatively bright thing is I am regaining a lot of the range of motion and stuff in my hand and wrist, but it hurts like a mf-er because I am doing way more than I should. 2 months now and I should have healed completely, but nope. See? Again with the negative. I need a way to stay more positive.....I just don't know how. All my toolboxes have been emptied of the coping skills. Chronic illnesses stink. And the emergency ones make it all 100% worse.View Thread
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
http://www.demandaction.org/about
"Protecting the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding Americans goes hand-in-hand with keeping guns out of the hands of criminals, drug abusers, the seriously mentally ill and other dangerous people."
Other DANGEROUS ppl? So the seriously mentally ill are now considered DANGEROUS? Really? I'm not talking about those who have been proven to have violent tendencies but to put the seriously mentally ill in a category of DANGEROUS PEOPLE is wrong in my opinion.
Definition of seriously mentally ill:
The seriously mentally ill are defined as persons who, as the result of a mental disorder, exhibitemotional, cognitive, or behavioral functioning which is so impaired as to interfere substantiallywith their capacity to remain in the community without supportive treatment or services of along-term or indefinite duration. In these persons, mental disability is severe and persistentresulting in a long term limitation in their functional capacities for primary activities of dailyliving such as interpersonal relationships, self-care, homemaking, employment, and recreation.Conditions such as mental retardation or substance abuse may cause similar problems orlimitations, and are not to be included in this definition unless, in addition to one or more ofthese disorders, the person has a severe and persistent mental disorder
I do not see the word DANGEROUS in the definition. Mind you, I am aware that some mentally ill are dangerous but to put all of them into one category is plain wrong.View Thread
So, I haven't disowned her. lol
DebbieView Thread
Weather: gonna be another hottie
Sleep: it was tough trying to fall asleep because I was in a great deal of pain but once I fell asleep, I was out like a light
Mood: So far so good
Plans: Bible study, watch The Walking Dead series (yea, I know, the two don't really go together), chores, maybe do my crafts, chores and what ever my Bipolar mind tells me to do.

Take care my dahlings. muahsView Thread
Weather: Cloudy and overcast. May rain. )=
Sleep: 8 1/2 glorious hours. Could have gotten more but back woke me up. That and the cats wanting breakfast. Sigh.... About as bad as two little kids jumping on mommy and daddy's bed.
Mood: Don't know.... Felt good yesterday morning, but got into a bad fight with Matt. He claims I'm dangerously manic, I don't know. Maybe I'm just dreaming and hoping too bad for my mania to end. All I do know is that I'm more than ready for this mania to end!!!
Plans: Wait for maintenance to finish installing our new dishwasher (Yea!!!), maybe if time permits go to Kroger's to pick up the ham for Easter, do a load of clothes so hubbie has a uniform for work tonight. After hubbie leaves, mess around on the computer, figure out what I'm gonna make for dinner tonight. I think I may try this new taco recipe I found. Gonna make homemade elephant ears for lunch, I know that. I need a treat, and if I fry them in olive oil they're not as fattening as they sound. Take care, and have a nice day. (((((((((HUGS)))))))
JessView Thread

The reason I say that I must be "insane" is because after not being able to get myself going to the volunteer training yesterday, I'm planning on doing something worse! lol Huh?
It dawned on me this afternoon that the job was posted last Friday and the manager of the position told me and that there would be instructions, etc., What dawned on me was that she was talking TO me, not just giving me info! lol She was telling me that because my former boss wants to hire me (if it works on both sides) that I'm "supposed" to apply for the position!
I found out today that they are doing this hiring process differently than normal in that they are going to be taking from the applicants and train them to do the job as volunteers and that way they can decide if they actually like the job and might be good at it and the employer can see them at work before hiring. Of course, I don't know how long the perspective people will be volunteering, but they will know going in that this will be the process.
Anyway, so I called my case worker and told her I think I need to apply officially for the job, but I need help with the resume, cover letter, etc. So we have an appt for next week monday morning at Starbucks to work on it. It must be mailed by the 5th of April (next friday)
So what ON EARTH am I doing? Of course, applying doesn't obligate me to the job, it just keeps my options open, and hopefully I will be able to get my act together by the time I have to try again re the volunteer training (probably next week!) YIKES! See? I must be insane!
I don't know if I"ll be able to do it, but I do know that I'll kick myself if I don't even put my name in the "hat," you know? I just remind myself that applying doesn't obligate me to anything, but it could open doors to something I may like and could be good for me!
Thanks for listening!
DebbieView Thread
Weather: Nice and Sunny, may get up to low 70's.
Mood: ????? Just got up, too tired. Ask again in a few hours.
Sleep: 8 glorious hours!!! Yea!!!!
Plans: Tdoc appointment, physical therapy, Matt has to work 4 hrs tonight. maybe cook dinner. Sooo disapointed in myself. I had lost 20 lbs and was feeling really good about myself for a change, and I weighed myself this morning and I've gained 8 lbs!!! 8 friggin pounds!! I've been cooking healthy meals, and upped the amount of exercise I was doing a week, just not the same exercises, and I'm going insane!!! Don't know what I'm gonna do, but something has got to change soon!!!!
Have a great day my fellow beepers!!!
JessView Thread
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