I've actually never smoked a cigarette in my life. I think it was my mom's horrible stories about quitting (she was a chain smoker through her 20s and reports were just coming out that she should quit before having children). So hearing her stories was enough...plus I don't like the smell. But one thing I really know is true is that i believe I would easily form addictions. I believe I have a very addictive personality and I form very strong habits. My mom always tells me to be careful with alcohol because alcoholism is present in our family and just from how I am she thinks I might be particularly suseptable to it.View Thread
You know what? this is a very interesting question! I want to say more than I did before. I actually did not have much a life plan at all, I always felt lost and unsure after high school. But I thought I'd go to the local university (university at buffalo, where I went before I transfered to the university in Sydney that I went to for about 5 years). I lived in the dorms like I thought I would. I have the most horrible roomate imaginable, didn't plan that! Then...sophmore year I didn't not expect to develop BP. But I was very lucky because my symptoms were very obviously bipolar even though I only had one hypomanic, bordering manic episode (thought I was writing the next great american novel even though nothing I wrote made any sense). I was the most snappy person and I did not sleep for days, I'd constantly move around my furinture instread. After about 10 days or so I went into an extreme depression. And with the diagnosis and medication they hit the nail right on the head, within a couple months I was doing very well, but absolutely hated the word bipolar. I think it was the bad memories of the horrible freshman roomate and the sophmore bipolar diagnosis I wanted to get away. Far away. I needed more excitment in my life. So about 9 months after I was diagnosed with bp and had no major problems, I transferred to a school in Sydney. Of course everyone was very wary of me doing this but I did have health insurance there so if I had to see a pdoc I could and the tdocs on campus are free. I so was able to sell it to my parents. and said I'd come home if I had problems. First journey to Sydney was through a study abroad program that I went on myself, and then I realized I really loved the school and the the faculty in my departmnet. So I transferred there and finished my bachelors and my masters. It was definitely not in my boring plan of just going to university at buffalo like my brothers did and where my dad is a professor. But then I had no idea how hard the masters was and how I'd have to take a more general degree due to not completing clinical work because I hated it! I left Sydney much earlier than I thought I would. and I sure didn't plan this bought of bp. Or that I'm going to start a communication design program (graphic design and web design type jobs) at unversity at buffalo (again!) and it's something that *I* want to do. very random life I've had!View Thread
Thanks everyone!!! You know what? I can't even make myself stay away from this board for more than several days you all are so lovely! Now that I do have more to think about I don't mind thinking about bp
I'm so glad I've pushed myself to be proactive with my life!!View Thread
pos. trigger Hey, I was feeling the same way, I was not planning suicide in anyway but I wanted to die. Wished I was never born. I no longer feel that way at all. I actually take Lamictal 400, Wellbutrin 300, and Zoloft 100...Valium 5-10 as needed. As soon as Wellbutrin kicked in those feelings left. How long have you been taken each of these? It can take 6 weeks for Wellbutrin to have a full effect. Is there any particular reason why you are considering stopping taken the antidepressant when you're feeling depressed? Maybe you could try different antidepressants even if it means increasing the Lamictal. I was originally on half the lamictal but we had to double it to use more antidepressant.
Regarding Hope's comment about Lithium only being the med proven to prevent suicide, I've read something along those lines somewhere. But I think it's purely person to person, and various combinations probably haven't all been looked at in this way. Like the precise combination i am on. I think there may be ways of finding effective medication without using Lithium. But I think it *really* takes time in most situations. Like mine. but in my case it was that combinations kept having side effects like shaking, eating nonstop, zero energy. I thought we'd never find something that worked. But we did! Have faith. Has much as it hurts, as much as you can't see around the depression and suicidal feelings, as hopeless as it seems...hang on. Like the REM song "everybody hurts" says. Sounds kind of lame. but even that song gave me faith. Made me feel less alone, especially the music video. And something odd was that 3 years ago at the LA airport I was looking around in a news/book store and I saw this little "one minute pocket bible". I've never been particularly religious but there are relevent topics in this "bible" in alphabetical order and passages relating to them, then a summary at the bottom. For depression it says "Struggle is proof that you have not yet been conquered". religious or not it's true, at least to me. Now I know why I bought that...I needded it last month.
Hey! Aww sorry to worry you guys!! I began to feel much better like...a little over a week ago or something? I just haven't been on the board much because since December I feel my life has revolved around my disorder. And I am trying to re-gain my self-identity, to seperate myself from the disorder. I just started the process of enrolling at the university for a bachelor of fine arts in communication design (graphic design/web design, etc) . I now feel like I have something going for me, something else to think about. I am not abandoning the board, just not frequenting it quite as often. But I probably will be on a whole lot more when I feel I have more going for me View Thread
those big stores make it hard for me not to spend spend spend...I mean they have everything and I just ned up going around the store looking for the thing I came in for and ending up with a basket or cart full of stuff.
My advice: leave credit cards, debit cards, atm cards, check book, excess cash, etc. at home. Only bring enough money to get what you need View Thread