I'm so glad that you are going to talk to your therapist and doctor. I know it's a hard road and often you have to try many things before you know what works for you. And believe me, I have often wished that I could just take one pill and then everything would be fixed.
As for going to a mental ward, I think that you are ok now. But just know that if you really need it, it's there. There is no shame in asking for help. Also, a doctor's note will keep you from getting fired. I don't know where you live but you might qualify for state disabilty to cover the days that you were sick. Or your place of employment might have a plan. And don't be scared that people would find out about your stay, they are not allowed to give out info without your consent.
I hope I don't sound too preachy, but I used to work at a consumer-run mental health social center .and I am used to giving people advice based on my own story. Obviously, I can't tell anyone what to do, but I do have some very strong opinions
I hope you continue to come here. Good Luck!View Thread
I think you need to talk about whatever bothering you.,even the "scary" things. I'm glad that you came here and got this off your chest.
As far as support, I don't know whether it's family and friends that you are talking to, but it is also a good idea to talk with people who have "been there"
I think that it is very unlikely that you would be "locked up" if you talked to your therapist about this. What she would say is 'do you have a plan?" If you don't, then you are off the hook. However, if you do have a plan you should be honest with the therapist.
As far as being hospitalized, the average stay is about a week. There is little chance that they would "throw away the key."
My experience is that if I have hurt myself,or are planning to, that they can put me on a "hold" to evaluate my mental state. That is only for a few days (I've forgotten how many) I was in the locked ward once and got out of it just by saying that I felt better!
Basically, they can't keep you if you're not suicidal or homicidal. And if you are on a hold, they can't keep you past it unless you show signs of wanting to hurt yourself.
I hope this will reassure you. Although I'd definately don't want to the hospital again, but it really isn't that bad. They have therapy groups and you can make crafts. Of course I would rather spend a week in the Bahamas!
I am concerned about you, though because you seem to be in bad shape. If you feel like you are definately going to kill yourself then you can check in the hospital as a voluntary patient. It will keep you safe and you can leave whenever you want.
I really feel for you because I've been there, believe me. It sounds like you have a lot of guilt on your shoulders and I certainly can understand that, also. With me, I felt guilty over anything and everything. I'd have a insignificant fight with my sister and end up downing a bottle of sleeping pills because I felt so guilty.
I can't really comment on the things you feel guilty about, because of course I'm not a witness. But offing yourself isn't the answer. Your husband and kids would wonder if it was their fault if you killed yourself. Understand that I am not trying to make you feel more guilty. I know how upside down our thinking can get when we're depressed. I know I was convinced that killing myself was a altruistic thing to do.
You seem to have several issues going on. I am not a shrink, but I'll share with you what I've learned about dealing with this disease.
1 Medication is very important for severe depression and. If you are not under psychiatric care.then you need to find a doctor ASAP. If you already have a doctor then you need to talk with him about changing your meds if they aren't working for you.
2. It would be a good idea to get some counseling. A good counseler would help you find better ways of dealing with your kids and handling your feelings.
3. You need support from others, whether it is online or in person. You might want to see if there are any depression support groups in your area. DO NOT TRY TO GO IT ALONE!
These are the basics that have worked for me.
One of the most insidious things that depression does is make you feel helpless. But I have found that I feel better if I start to take some positive steps for recovery. You may not feel that you have options, but you do.
Getting back to your original topic, if you have convinced yourself that people would be better off without you, you can unconvince yourself also. It's not always easy, but it can be done.Just keep in mind that your feelings are just that,feelings, they have no substance.
I hope this helps. I know that you may not feel it, but there is hope.View Thread