I know i may take a lot heat of heat entering this conversation but I will admit i have brought up bi polar during arguments with my wife. When I do bring up bipolar i usually am more specific like saying I believe she is having a manic episode or she is depressed. When I say it I am 99% of the time trying to do two things at once the first is to see if our argument is happening because of the bipolar which if it is not most times my wife will reply no I am not being manic I feel this because then give me a reason for our argument or if it is the bipolar she will dig in her heels deeper and admit nothing. The second thing is to determine how bad of an episode she is having if it is the bipolar fueling our argument but it she is not in real trouble when i mention it may be the bipolar talking she will think about it and start using her coping skills calm down and a compromise is almost always forth coming. I do know that even mentioning the bipolar issue in any way may frustrate her. But when I do use bipolar or mania or depression in an argument it is almost always a tool to see what the argument is truly about. If I think the argument is being fueled by a major manic or depressive episode I almost never just dismiss her i try to see if the argument can wait until we see our couples councilor (who specializes more in bipolar then couples counseling) and let our councilor help us figure out what is tangling us up. So to sum it up I only use bipolar in arguments as a tool to see what footing I stand on with my wife / her mental health and never to belittle her or harm her in any way. That is my two cents on the subject.
Winterfox my vote is tough love. Maybe you could make life impossible for him even threaten to throw him out if need be while letting him know you will you will back off if he proves you wrong with his doctor telling you he has the all clear no bipolar. If he has been diagnosed before then there is no way his doc will give him the all clear. If your son is as sure you say he is then he might go see the doctor just to get you off his back and prove you wrong. If things work out maybe his doctor can convince your son that he has bipolar. That is how i got my now wife to get diagnosed with bipolar. I first made the fact she had some sort of problem possibly bipolar such an issue that it became a constant disagreement/ argument. then i told her I would drop it for ever even marry her if she settled the fight once and for all and got checked out by a doc. I had the name and phone # of a mental health clinic in our area ready which she used to get me to drop it. Instead of her proving me wrong like she thought she was going to the staff at the clinic were able to diagnose and convince her that she had bipolar disorder. I have no medical training so take or leave my advice tough love worked for me. No matter what i hope things get better for both you and your son.
An_252842 I am not a medical professional but if even you are beginning to worry then get with some one who is. Tell your primary care doctor what you just wrote above. Or see if there is a mental health clinic in your area. I was in a similar situation to yours a while back. I grew up with bipolar/ mental illness all around me and had symptoms of ADD. I skipped my doctor went to a mental health clinic, (the same one were my wife got diagnosed with bipolar) they had a doctor give me a check up /order a blood test and I saw a psychiatrist who checked me out on the mental side. It was determined that I had ADD, they set me up with a psychiatrist for medicine and a councilor they had on staff to coach me on my ADD. So to sum up my post yes there is probably something going on and you should seek help From a doctor and or Psychiatrist a soon as possible. You may not want to over think this just go in get it checked out and see what happens. Just my two cents.
ibex7 does that mean that you think helpkat should be honest up front? Or does that mean like me you think the bipolar Issue should come out naturally depending on the person she is dating like I do? Honesty up front has it merits to but it in my opinion it is a bigger gamble and seem like a lot of work if helpkat finds 1 in 10 men open to that. That would seem like a lot of extra dating if she does not find some one open to that until the sixth or seventh try. plus that would mean that there would be a lot of guys out there who know that she has a mental illness. Although I am glad it worked for you ibex7. Good post ibex7.
Helpkat I do not think you can set plan on this kind of thing it is piece of personal information that should fit in to a flow of a relationship depending on the person you may need the person you are dating to be really in to you before telling him and have plan to educate him on what bipolar is. You might get lucky and find that the guy has experience with mental illness in one form or another and it may not be a problem for him. One example would be some one like me who grew up around Bipolar in my family and honestly looking back think my now wife's behavior was more of the same from when i grew up and was comforting in way i did not even realize until later. Or it might be test for guy who is boarder line into the first month or two of dating you feel like you can trust him but the relation ship seems to be missing the fire works and being totaly understanding on the bipolar thing might be the thing that puts him over the top or sinks him if there is a lack of understanding. So to sum it up you may need play any relation ship by ear and tell the person you are dating when the timing seems just right to you. Any relationship is a gamble and either it will work or it will not. When i was dating I never told any one I was dating about my family until i was sure one that the girl I was dating was not going to be a vengeful jerk if we broke up and two that the person cared about me enough to live with my very eccentric family. That just my two cents on this issue I hope some or all my advice helps. but if not I wish you luck on finding the right person.
exwife first let me say I am a supporter and you just described my worst night mare. My wife does take her medicine and does what most would say is every thing wright in taking care of her illness but still has sever bouts of manic symptoms and has been hospitalized on more than one occasion. It is not always about the medicine what it really comes down to is the hole package. A good support system of family and medical professionals ( councilor / psychiatrist) can make a difference also. But in some very sever cases no matter what any one including the person suffering bipolar does it ends in tragedy. I have spent my life since I was five trying to figure out why that is. My mother was getting help from family, a case worker, psychiatrist, councilor, for what was most likely bipolar when help was hard to find since they were in the infancy of understanding mental illness back in the late 70s and she still took her life. So I have two thoughts here those with mental illness should do every thing in there power to stay healthy so that tragic death does not happen to them. The second goes out to those who have lost a loved ones to mental illness some times death happens weather it is a car accident heart attack or even suicide.I plead with those who have lost loved ones for any reason not to dwell on it to a point it destroys you. I have seen a survivor in my family self destruct to the point of death over my mothers death and it was not a pretty sight. So exwife thank you for your post you let vent on some thing i did not even know i needed to vent on. Thanks
K I agree with melly and ddnos on what they said. But i believe there is a special some one out there for every one. I believe you will find some one who will be understanding about bipolar I know I can't be the only guy out there who can find a way to be understanding about bipolar disorder. So to sum up my advice just keep trying.
KLAM63 I am a long time supporter. You being with your boy friend 19 months probably means he has not trusted you to be his support person yet. Sound like a tough position to be in. I am a little out of my league here never having a boy friend and all. But I have been around people with bipolar my only advice right now is to hang in there and wait for him to come back to you or move on and see if he sees that you have moved on and tries to get you back with you. If he does take you back and things get serious then you will need to do research and prepare to be his support. This may be an episode but you made it clear he was doing all of the right thing so there is a good chance his councilor or support system will help him getting straight soon if he is having a bad episode. But for now I hope things get better for both of you soon.