I have been diagnoced with bipolar 2. I am prescribed lithium and welbutrin. On the meds I felt great for the first time in a long time. I suppose I should give you some of my back ground. Since I was 16 (29 now) I've taken some form of drug on and off. I didn't realize until a recent hospialization (rehab) that I had been selfmedicating my bipolar. I've been clean since november, but recently I haven't been unable to aford medication. My husband is convinced nothing is wrong with me because I haven't had an episode lately that he is aware of he works 12 hours a day. My episodes are characterized by paranoia and irritability. I am aware when I feel that way that it is the bipolar but I can't make it just go away. I have had episodes lately and I am getting better at hiding them from him but I still feel horrible I cry and get angry with my son. I just want to be a good mother and wife this includes not spending what little money we have on myself on my meds and my doctor. I am currently looking for a job to help with this but so far I have been unsuccessful. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I could become self destructive again. I'm afraid I might fly off the handle and hurt my husband I have been violent with him before when I was not medicated. I feel like no matter what I'm wrong if I get the meds I'm taking food out of my baby's mouth if I don't I could lose everything to drugs or violence. I've been off my meds for a month. I'm also afraid when I find a job I won't be able to function in it. I also am diagnoced with social anxiety. I don't function well around strangers. I studder have a lot. Of trouble focusing and come off really stupid. I am on the other hand really smart and articulate. What am I supposed to do with out anxiey meds on a new job. I am actually afraid I might pass out on the job if I freak out. My husband keeps pushing me to find a job I have told him my concerns and he just rolls his eyes he has never seen me studdering and fumbling so he doesn't believe it I tried to explain to him that he's never een it because when he is with me no matter where we are I feel comfortabe like he is a security blanket. Someone please tell me what to do or how to convince my husband that all this si real.View Thread
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