littlerunaway :- Bipolar Disorder Community -: Support Group

To begin, I did go to inpatient care voluntarily a few weeks ago. But I slept for...

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:~TRIGGER~ Finally Home From Hospital To begin, I did go to inpatient care voluntarily a few weeks ago. But I slept for...

Just Breathe

Although It took 4 hrs., to go 10 min. down the street., Stopped at store, Dr.'s...

Posted by littlerunaway

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-Trigger- Need advice ASAP, cannot make a decisi...

I was supposed to be at ER to check into inpatient voluntarily. But I woke up with...

Posted by littlerunaway

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Reply: THE BIPOLAR BRAIN

So impressed. I always wanted to finish my DPT, but impossible. Twins, pre teen,...

Posted by littlerunaway

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Reply: Need to Runaway

and followed him again, this time to Asia. Well to end this I broke down hard. My...

Posted by littlerunaway

Take the Poll

Should I go to inpatient? Episode lasting now 2 mths. Lost 35lbs. Havent slept more than 4hrs in 3 wks. I hate to loose my freedom in the hospital, hate rooming with someone, hate meds, HATE THE IDEA. I hate talking to people and telling them who I really am.

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Need to Runaway and followed him again, this time to Asia. Well to end this I broke down hard. My...

Reply: Need to Runaway

OK, since I last posted, I have realized my condition is much worse than I thought....

Posted by littlerunaway

OK, since I last posted, I have realized my condition is much worse than I thought. I'm so scared because I'm constantly feeling as if I'm being followed. I'm jumpy because I feel so called demons (which I see in the form of shadows/lights) are out to ruin me. I have now become so paranoid that the one person (my husband) I somewhat trusted is out to get me, and take the kids. Example, try to follow, thoughts are so fast and I'm a slow typer and terrible speller (would never guess, I graduated Suma Cum Laude) Any way, I have screamed, cried, and even ran away with a gun, and my husband didnt realize there was a problem. I end up in bed 3 x or more a year, I don't sleep at times. We both are to blame for saying "oh its just depression and she will eventually come out of it". In my college days I have history of suicide, and been on off meds while with husband. But now, this episode, in a month some I lost 30 lbs. someone asked him if I was ok cause the weight loss was drastic in short time and he replied" Oh I didnt notice." Now we do have an 11 yr old going through preteen hormonal hell, and screaming, tormenting, testing, TWIN three yr. olds. He is such an awesome dad and helps out more than any man I've seen. Yes, I know I'm lucky, and have cherished him for all his help, but I also feel neglected, and not heard, not seen as with the weight loss. And at my worst he begged, drug me out of bed, called the cops, just to get me help. Then when we do get help, he was told this is serious with psychosis involved (Felt like government was stalking). Very unstable. Get on meds, vomiting, very ill, had to stop them immediatly which instantly put me in a manic state, out of town and no dr. visit for 5 days. So for 5 days I isolated, and slept maybe 7 hrs. tops. Then on diff. med. I was able to come out of room, so now I guess that's a sign to husband. Here you go, here are the screaming twins, and the preteen who is going to question and not do anything you ask, so you will need to remind her 10x, and you have to cook, clean, etc. and in his words "cause that's what moms do." I so needed to be in bed. But I tried to function. Then melt down to therapist. She advised it would be best to stay in my room where I felt the most calm and safe over the weekend, with very little stimulation (Which I did mention to him and he said he understood) Did it happen? Kids screams and preteens complaints and whining pushed me over. I started yelling at husband for irrational things with no basis. And he's tired from the previous weeks taking care of me plus kids, so he got on defensive and stood way too close to me making me feel so threatened. So I pushed him. Weekend over, stuck in room for the next week, with mixed mania, and its now time for husband to go on (Voluntary trip) for 25 days. I CANT do this alone. the night before he is supposed to leave he says well you got your mom. But the night before I cried to him he was what I needed, My husband, the only one I trusted. He broke my heart, said he's always wanted this trip and when twins were born he had to cancel, why again? DUH?? I told him that I postponed my schooling to follow his career (Military) many yrs., even had to quit in the middle of school because, as he was already gone 1 yr., and decided to vol. to do an additional yr. I was not gong to let marriage fail so I quit andView Thread

Posted bylittlerunaway

Take the Poll

Should I go to inpatient? Episode lasting now 2 mths. Lost 35lbs. Havent slept more than 4hrs in 3 wks. I hate to loose my freedom in the hospital, hate rooming with someone, hate meds, HATE THE IDEA. I hate talking to people and telling them who I really am.

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Need to Runaway OK, since I last posted, I have realized my condition is much worse than I thought....

Need to Runaway

Where to begin, Long Story but all I can say is I feel the need to runaway from...

Posted by littlerunaway

Take the Poll

Should I go to inpatient? Episode lasting now 2 mths. Lost 35lbs. Havent slept more than 4hrs in 3 wks. I hate to loose my freedom in the hospital, hate rooming with someone, hate meds, HATE THE IDEA. I hate talking to people and telling them who I really am.

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Need to Runaway Where to begin, Long Story but all I can say is I feel the need to runaway from...

Need to Runaway

Where to begin, Long Story but all I can say is I feel the need to runaway from...

Posted by littlerunaway

Take the Poll

Should I go to inpatient? Episode lasting now 2 mths. Lost 35lbs. Havent slept more than 4hrs in 3 wks. I hate to loose my freedom in the hospital, hate rooming with someone, hate meds, HATE THE IDEA. I hate talking to people and telling them who I really am.

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Need to Runaway Where to begin, Long Story but all I can say is I feel the need to runaway from...