mozzergurl :- Bipolar Disorder Community -: Support Group

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mozzergurl

Joined: 07/25/2012

My Story:

Hello to all af my fellow BP sufferers!!

I'm 29 years old, dx with BP 1 and insomnia (both treatment resistant)… I'm also dx with severe GAD/ PTSD and possibly ADHD. I know a lot going on! I was dx in Dec 2006, but looking back I think it started when I was 21, 22 or maybe earlier can't quite remember at this moment. My insomnia started when I was 14 or 15, since then I've been functioning on approximately 3 hours a night. Don't get me wrong after 1-2 weeks of little to no sleep I'll have a night or 2 of like 9-10 hours sleep.

I love listening to music, going to shows and whiling out. I'm the girl you see in the mosh pits! I listen to a lot of styles of music, Indie rock, Rockabilly, psychobilly , punk, 30's to 50's honky tonk country ( there are some current country musicians that I listen to as well), a tiny bit of bay area hip hop (E-40, Mac Dre, etc..), Mexican music( Rancheras, Corridos, Narco-Corridos, Mariachi, Cumbia, Banda) And last but most certainly not least MOZZER!!!! MORRISSEY is my all time favorite singer, song-writer, performer. I've been listening to his music for as long as I can remember(since I was maybe 7 or 8, my older brother turned me on to him but back then he was the singer song-writer for The Smiths). His songs have literally saved my life on numerous occasions.

I hope to find some support on this discussion forum. I have little to no friends due to them moving away, getting married, getting demanding jobs or when I'm depressed and isolate they think I'm mad at them so we lose touch. The only person in my life that I can trust to talk to about my past traumas and current tribulations, is my fiance. And God bless his soul, he does his best but sometimes he gets burnt out. But he loves me for me and he makes me so very happy. When I'm with him I forget about all my worries and I just enjoy the moment.

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Backsliding into depression/ Pain/ Triggers

I've been taking my meds as prescribed, including the new antidepressant Cymbalta, but I...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

I've been taking my meds as prescribed, including the new antidepressant Cymbalta, but I still feel like my ship is sinking more and more everyday since Saturday evening. I had some relief when I was around my fiance's softball team yesterday, I think I feed off peoples energy.
But I usually just stay home and I'm only around my roommate and he does his own thing while I do my own thingâ€¦ My baby comes to visit me but that usually happens at the end of the day, so throughout the day I'm usually lonely.
I keep busy cleaning, cooking, perusing the internet, studying the bible and sometimes watching moviesâ€¦ But I guess those activities aren't cheerful enough to distract me from my worsening depressionâ€¦
I know it's because I'm cycling and I had thought I was in a mixed episode because I was depressed but still felt energetic, but today I feel lethargic and my severe pain is making my depression worse.
Today is my worse pain day in the last month or soâ€¦ I went for a walk this morning and 10 minutes into it I couldn't take another step. My lower back was tight and throbbing in sharp shooting pains that would radiate down my left leg. It took everything in me to not cry on my walk back homeâ€¦
When I got home I took two Tramadol 50mg and a Motrin 800mg and put ice on my lower back after about 15-30 minutes my pain went from a 10 to an 8 on a 0-10 scaleâ€¦ Not much of a difference but enough to keep me from crying in painâ€¦ Now my whole back and shoulders are in pain tooâ€¦ I'm going to have to talk to my PCP and have them refer me to a pain specialistâ€¦
But today, I've had no energy and I've been fighting off the feeling of cutting. I think my pain and accumulated lack of sleep is making my depression worse and is not letting the antidepressant do its job.
Thankfully I see my pdoc tomorrow, we'll see what he recommendsâ€¦ Whether to give it more time, increase the dose or change to another antidepressant but I can't go on like thisâ€¦ It's literally killing me!!
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The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted bymozzergurl

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Backsliding into depression/ Pain/ Triggers I've been taking my meds as prescribed, including the new antidepressant Cymbalta, but I...

Reply: Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS

my hyper mood didn't last more than a couple hours when I started feeling even more...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS my hyper mood didn't last more than a couple hours when I started feeling even more...

Reply: Checking in...

Good for you Debbie! That's such a good thing to do for someone... I'm sure she very...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

22 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Checking in... Good for you Debbie! That's such a good thing to do for someone... I'm sure she very...

Reply: Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS

Yeah, my honey used to let me borrow his car while he was at work, but about two months...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS Yeah, my honey used to let me borrow his car while he was at work, but about two months...

Reply: It will be better in the morning

Dear Debbie, I'm so sorry that your day had to end badly, I completely understand...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:It will be better in the morning Dear Debbie, I'm so sorry that your day had to end badly, I completely understand...

Reply: GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR

I completely understand what you mean when work unexpectedly interferes with your appt.s...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR I completely understand what you mean when work unexpectedly interferes with your appt.s...

Reply: Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS

sorry I forgot mood and plans!!! Duh, I guess that good good does kill brain cells, cuz...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS sorry I forgot mood and plans!!! Duh, I guess that good good does kill brain cells, cuz...

Reply: Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS

I'm so sorry you barely slept Melly... try to get a nap in later in the day, when you...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Mushy Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS I'm so sorry you barely slept Melly... try to get a nap in later in the day, when you...

Reply: Ups and downs

It's good to hear some positivity, I agree we should never give up and keep moving...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Ups and downs It's good to hear some positivity, I agree we should never give up and keep moving...

Reply: backsliding... softball

Thanks Slik_Kitty... I'm still feeling like I'm backsliding into my depression but I'm...

The Sanest Days Are Mad... - Morrissey

Posted by mozzergurl

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:backsliding... softball Thanks Slik_Kitty... I'm still feeling like I'm backsliding into my depression but I'm...

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