I know how it feels (no pun intended) to have no feelings to the people you are suppose to love. Looking back, it started 2 1/2 years ago when I stopped having God in my heart. Then I didn 't care if I ever saw my two sons or granddaughter again. I stopped all conections to all my friends. So recently I realized I was completely numb and dead inside. I told my pdoc that i would rather be depress and sucidal than having no feelings. He said we had to wait to address that until he got my hypomania under control. I do the right thing with my sons and granddaughter but with no feeling behide it.View Thread
I was walking with my husband. we met a deer and I petted it. I describe the house we had when my husband died. it was two story beautiful landscape. No fence. it was our teak table with six chairs. mike, me and our two sons. we were having gumbo or jambalaya. i would fix it for special occassions. It was stoneware, it was full of coffee and I gave it to Mike. It was a babbling brook, I walk through it, it wasn't deep. I don't think this prove anything by your answers. All it proves is that the last time I was happy was almost 13 years when Mike was alive.View Thread
I thought I was the only one up. I don't do FB. I am sorry you got insulted. Please don't cut on yourself, I know there may be a release if you do it but there are other ways( better, safer) to get over this hurt, anger, what ever you are feeling that causing to want to cut on you self. Try holding an ice cube, writing down your feeling, use a drawing book or plain paper and draw like crazy (no pun) (i like black crayon) Take care of your selfView Thread
I am sorry if I am not doing this right or talking to long for this format.
Weather: Very cool and a beautiful full moon.
Sleep: I only slept for an hour and now I am wide awake. Through all my behaviors, I could always sleep. I hope tonight is just a fluke
Mood: I am still hypomanic.I am extremely out going, Saying yes to everyone who needs help and any projects. I am still spending money like I have a million. Like a percent off on an item is like I have to buy it because it is on sale. I get such a rush like the BIG "O" when I shop. The other thing I started 2 days ago, which is more productive is cleaning and organizing my house. Spending hours doing this. This has been going on for over 2 months I am so tired of it. My pdoc has been weaning me off my antidepressants. I am down to 60mg of Cybalta and off the Wellbutrin. He said I could take an extra 200mg of Seroquel in the middle or the day if I am aggravated or upset, feelings like that. I don't get like that I just go, go for the rush. I am also doing some risky behaviors.
to top off my psych problems, now I have medical problems. I am hypothyroid which has all ways respond to meds. Now it is messed up with both my TSH and T4 being low. I am now my parathyroid is high. All this could be affecting my mood. I have an appt. with the endocrinologist on thurs. I had asked my pdoc to put me back on lithium and stop the triliptal base on some info from Dr. G. He doesn't want to til the thyroid issues are addressed.
I am making an appt. with a tdoc. A new one. I haven't seen a tdoc in almost 3 months. I think I really need one to give me support. I did feel I was out on my own when I was only seeing my pdoc.every 8 weeks.
I am suppose to go to oregon to see my granddaughter and son. I have an appt. on monday with my pdoc to see if I can go.
Well I am just rambling now. It felt good talking to you. There is no one else at 1 in the morning.View Thread
Cookie, That's great you finished your purse. That is a wonderful accomplishment with what you have going through!!! I wound like to see a picture or it. I will be thinking of you and wishing the best with the pain. You are amazing.View Thread
I have been upset since I met with my sister in law on thurs. She has no idea about me. Is there an a resource I can print up, not to long, for them to understand bipolar II. She just laughed it off when I told her I was manic. She just said it was better than being in the hospital. Then they don't know why I don't want to be around them. DonnaView Thread
Sleep: I want to go back to bed and it is only1800
Mood : Manic and angry
Plan: try to stay up and do a million thing that I have thrown around the house
I had lunch with my sister in law for her birthday. She is nice and has a good heart but she has NO CLUE ABOUT MY MENTAL ILLNESS. I am so angry. I mentioned that I was manic and that I was eatting and spending money like crazy. Her response was that it was better than being in the hospital. We have this long standing disagreement. She keeps telling me why don't I stop by. I have told her I am not going to stop by that I want to be invitied. I have said this a million this. She doesn' respect what I ask and makes me feel that it is all my fault. She invited me to thanksgiving but since last christmas whan her son video me saying I am the aunt we don;t talk about. I haven't been to another family,function. One reson was I told my nepher how hurt I was and all he said was he was only jokin. Never apoligize. I don' fit in that crowd, they all get drunk. I mean really drunk.I sorry I had to vent I am tired trying to get my family to understand.View Thread
What a crummy day. I am so sorry. Just wake him up every 2 hours. I mean really wake him up. Have him talk to you tell you how he is feeling. No complaints from him now.. No dents in his head. Good luck, try and sleep between the 2 hoursView Thread