I am hurting so much. I am so suicidal. I think about it more than half of my day everyday. I'm really not sure what is stopping me. I have told several people about it but it isn't enough to stop the suffering, to stop the poisonous thoughts. I feel like I am evil. I do not know how to overcome this. My pdoc told me that my illness is severe and difficult to treat. That just let's me know I will suffer like this my entire life. I can't do it. Thanks for listening guys.View Thread
Oh, how my heart goes out to you! I had horrific mood swings during my pregnancies and terrible postpartum depressions. Thankfully my marriage was not in jeopardy, I can imagine that makes things even more difficult to manage, or survive really. Are you opposed to seeing a psychiatrist--you said "naturally help"? If not, that should be your first step. I know with my third baby, I agreed to take lithium in my second trimester and it was/is the drug that has had the biggest effect on my moods. It felt like my only option at the time (although I completely understand not wanting meds, especially not a risky one, during pregnancy). That's just me. Other than a psychiatrist, I would recommend a therapist. He or she should give you some coping skills and some suggestions for working through some of these overwhelming emotions. Good luck to you, I wish you the best and truly hope it works out for you. If you can stick it out, it WILL get better.
Mercy, you are not being lazy at all! I swear, every time you post I think we are more and more alike, lol. I don't know if you feel that way but at least as seen in your posts I always think that. Maybe we just have a similar way of expressing manic depression. ( I was going to say maybe we have the same kind of crazy but I didn't want to offend you, ha--so hope I didn't offend you
ANYWAY, it is a community just like this one only a lot larger. There are chat rooms but you don't have to use them. There are moderators but the topics can me more free than here. I have seen a couple of things that probably wouldn't be posted here but we're not removed. They allow language in the form of *****. It is the only other group I am a part of. My user Id is cashart10.View Thread
Oh, and Mercy...are you a part of the community at psychcentral also (I noticed the article came from there)? I ask because I am a part of it and it is easier to talk one on one over there. Just curious.View Thread
Hi friends! It is wonderful to hear from all of you. I hope we will keep this up!
How has the weather been lately?: Hot...but not triple digits .[br>[br>How have you been sleeping? Too much![br>[br>Health? Out of shape and overweight...really need to do something about it.[br>[br>Bipolar: In the last month I had a ridiculously short, fairly mild mania (lasted several days that I am aware of), followed by a FROM HELL mixed episode and now very depressed. It feels right now like things couldn't be worse. I haven't been here in months since the end of my postpartum depression. I'm also struggling with a lot anxiety so I have been leaving the house (and couch) as little as possible. This too shall pass, I guess.[br>[br>Whats been going on lately? Not much, my daughter has started school and loves it and my son starts next Wed. My husband works a lot and is awesome for it. He takes care of us. Oh, and I've started a DBSA support group. I really like it. It is nice to be around people with similar issues in person. [br>[br>Anything else you would like to add? I really HATE bipolar disorder, ha![br>View Thread
You have made it clear that you don't like sending patients to the hospital and I entirely agree. The last time I was there, they increased my lithium level to 1.2 (now 1.4) and added Saphris to my cocktail (which I no longer take). However, I was there only a week and left pretty much the same as I arrived (postpartum depression sucks). Now I am in the same boat. When at my lowest, I'm planning how to ensure my kids won't be around at all, etc--each time too exhausted to actually follow through or of a different mindset at the time. I don't know how to guarantee that will be the case the next time, you know? What else do I do? Call a crisis line every time? I don't actually want to die. Any suggestions? What do you tell your patients? I have my therapist's # but I don't really want to bother her and I hate to have my husband see me in that state. I feel hopeless and afraid. I see my own pdoc in 11 days.
Thank you, Dr G! That still leaves me hopeless, especially in the evening. I just have to try to remember it always ends. But by the same token, I know it will always return, perhaps even harder to fight.View Thread
I used to be thin. I always bounced right back after each baby. But, after Vivian (11 months old) I wasn't able to breast feed because of lithium and so I had over 30 lbs to lose that I won't lose naturally (yes, I gained that much during pregnancy). Now, instead of losing weight, I have gained 8 lbs and have 40 to lose. I think the weight gain is due to binge eating (of sweets, my weakness) which is due to my psych meds. It is so hard to regain healthy eating habits. Thanks for sharing this mercy, I will bring it up to my therapist.View Thread