You have made it clear that you don't like sending patients to the hospital and I entirely agree. The last time I was there, they increased my lithium level to 1.2 (now 1.4) and added Saphris to my cocktail (which I no longer take). However, I was there only a week and left pretty much the same as I arrived (postpartum depression sucks). Now I am in the same boat. When at my lowest, I'm planning how to ensure my kids won't be around at all, etc--each time too exhausted to actually follow through or of a different mindset at the time. I don't know how to guarantee that will be the case the next time, you know? What else do I do? Call a crisis line every time? I don't actually want to die. Any suggestions? What do you tell your patients? I have my therapist's # but I don't really want to bother her and I hate to have my husband see me in that state. I feel hopeless and afraid. I see my own pdoc in 11 days.
I so admired Robin Williams and I am so sad over his death. I too am angry that despite all of his treatment options and access to the best doctors and therapists he still suffered enough to take his life. I wish there was more available to us. I know it's no one's fault; I just hate that this illness can take another victim. And I do think that is what he was, a victim to mental illness. I am right now hanging on by a thread and I've been here numerous times in my lifetime. Right now I can only think: I'm 31 years old and I know I will take my own life sometime so why not now. I know that's a lie...right now. But tonight, when everyone is sleeping, I may believe that lie. Our minds are like poisonous venom, attacking us. Not everyone always wins. It is very sad to me. And I too think we need to speak up and be the voice for mental illness but I am too cowardice to speak out myself. I am terrified of the judgment of friends and family who don't already know and of the stigma placed by society.View Thread
Thank you Dr G. About 8 months ago, when my youngest daughter was only 8 weeks old. I was suicidal and my doctor asked if I was safe. I answered yes but she asked if she could call and speak with my family and had me and my husband back a couple days later. Between her and my family, I was cornered. I only had to stay a week and I'm not upset because I wasn't actually safe but since then I am a little more cautious about subjects that could land me in the hospital. It is my doctor's hospital so she still had total control of my meds. Anyway, I will definitely tell her and talk to her about changing from the Abilify to Seroquel. Thanks again for the great advice.View Thread
I don't mind at all. I am not entirely passive in the relationship. I told my doctor that I wanted to come down to one med and which med I had in mind and she told me that wasn't possible and suggested an alternate plan. I have also told her when side effects are too overwhelming. That said, I don't say things like that often and I have seen suggesting medications as perhaps stepping on her toes. It would seem maybe I am being old fashioned here. I know her and realize she likely won't mind but I don't wish to annoy her (the reason I typically hesitate to call for things between appointments). You make excellent points here and I appreciate it.
I am so sorry to hear about your insurance situation. How hard it must be for you and your husband to feel so stuck. I know how you feel about not wanting to disappoint your husband because I feel like I do all the time. He also says I don't though. He is such a wonderful support.
Thank you so much for your concern for me. It brightens my day. I am afraid if I go back to my doctor she will insist on inpatient. She suggests it an awfully lot for me but sometimes, if she thinks it's really important, she will talk my family into it too and then I'm stuck. I just have so much on my plate the next couple of weeks with the kids starting school and I think they don't need the stress of mom in the hospital during the transition either. She is doing a follow up call with me on Tues so I am just waiting until then to talk to her I have decided. If I get any worse, I will just go to the er.
Thank you so much for the Latuda recommendation. I have read up on it and it seems worth the try! I am afraid to bring up meds to her, just feel like it might offend her. Maybe I am just being ridiculous. I will tell her a friend told me about it. You are too sweet.
This is still going on. I am experiencing mainly grossly exaggerated anxiety and agitation. I have all of this negative energy but I am too terrified to do anything when I am alone. I am having thoughts of self harm and suicidal thoughts that are becoming harder to deny. I also acted on a thought that seemed logical to me but my husband said the thought and action were insane and asked me if I could be trusted with the kids right now (I was in the shower and the lyrics "bow down before the one you serve, you're going to get what you deserve" were placed into my head so I bowed down to what I thought was Jesus but then realized it must be an evil spirit because of the nature of the lyrics. In fact, I'm not entirely unconvinced there isn't a pagan spirit living in my shower causing all of the supposed delusions I've ever had). So, while that may seem a little off to you--I get it because now, a day later, I go back and forth asking myself was that real or was it delusional--I am totally functional. I am afraid to call my doctor with all of this because I am afraid if I tell her about any of these thoughts she will want me inpatient. I don't think I am delusional but, even if I am or am becoming so, I want to avoid the hospital right now because it will be nearly impossible to work out (and I don't want to be there:). I don't think I need to be inpatient. I am having very strong suicidal urges but I am still enough in control. I think I just need a different med change. Do you think I would be OK to continue with a med adjustment(s) outpatient or that likely I should be monitored inpatient, hypothetically, I guess? I'm trying to gauge if I really need to/will call my doc tomorrow and if it is necessary to tell her these things or if I am well enough to just leave them out. Also, how do I know to tell my husband when and if I shouldn't be alone (or with the kids)? He doesn't usually notice until it's too late. Also, should I take the Seroquel, Latuda, Symbax ideas you mentioned to my doctor or just wait on her to make the calls?
Lying and telling stories are not symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, but I do think one's thinking is so unclear when manic that one can, at times, say or do about anything. When I was a teen, I told elaborate lies. This is and was out of my character. I did it while manic and to impress my mentor. These were not typical teenage lies, they were manipulative, extremely hurtful (perhaps even evil), self-serving lies. I would say that it CAN happen although it isn't a symptom. While I was unwell at the time, I hold full responsibility still. I have never done such a thing since and pray I never do again. Now, I have been psychotic before and have BELIEVED I have seen and heard things that are not real. Could this be the case? Either way, a new psychiatrist or a call to your current psychiatrist is a must. This is a serious disorder and it sounds like your husband's behavior is escalating. Good luck to you.View Thread