I feel well with my new meds, Lamictal, welbutrin and trazedone but I can feel people, including my 16 years old daughter. She moved with her father. I can tell my husband is tired of me because he says he wants to leave but we are very bad economically so he is waiting to get money. Even though I know he is not leaving me his comments and complaints, and the way he refers to me is a despicable toxic person. that doesn't help to get motivated and work. I don't wanna leave him or divorce because he takes care of me but he screams and offends me all the time. I became passive aggressive he says. My therapist says I might be in abusive verbal relationship but he makes me think it's not. I am confused. He does annoy me and I can't stand to be with him because I know every word out of my month it's going to be taken as a negative and going to be used against me. I am very afraid, can't sleep because I don't either have the money to support myself with disability and the father of my children doesn't pay child support.
Even though I think positive and hopeful I come across as if I complain and I am never happy with anything. my jokes are mean and everyone has a reason to hate me. I don't finish or even begin lately anything. consistency has always been a problem.
I can't save money because I spend it in stupid stuff. esthetics and nails and hair because I feel so insecure.View Thread
It sounds like me struggling with many miss dx. At 27 Adult's ADD struggling thinking poorly of myself and that stayed with me even now the medicines make me normal. Only circumstances change my mood now. At least. and by circumstances I mean him lol. We've only been married 4 years I am 41 and have 2 kids from previous marriage.
My husband doesn't accept that I have BP disorder because it puts me on the "incompetent list"
He just think I am a big pain in the behind and I am difficult. I criticize everything he does and that is always his fault. Gets upset because I forget things.....I've had it. How can a person of Medicine cannot understand it? Like you said only those who live it understand it.
I am looking for a therapist because I became the therapist of my therapist when her mother got sick. it has been hard to find one.
I don't even wanna work or work with clines because every single transaction I have done I've had problems my husband had gone to therapy but he is in denial that I am bipolar, and his is a physician. we just do regular couples' therapy.
Don't believe anyone you are crazy. You have a condition and you are getting help with time. I am sorry you don't have anyone. Most don't. I found this friend in the beginning of dx and he understand me and I him. But no one else does unless they go through it.
you are lucky you know what it is and you can try to control it. I went 33 years thinking I was a mess, crazy, and full of myself ....then I struggled with work and college so it was ADD....and on on......I am 41 and today, for instance, I feel I am not going to get involved in any kind of work or social environment because I am afraid I will mess up and make my husband think little of me or look bad if it's his friends......He doesn't understand either and he is a doctor.
Try to go one day at a time and listen to positive comments. I hope you find a way to cope soon.View Thread
I posted once and someone gave me such encouragement that lasted till now. Thank you.
Tonight I can't sleep again...I thought I was so over triggers and that I wasn't bipolar anymore. in fact, that I was misdiagnosed.
I feel like a loser. I was a teacher 2004 and have been in disability since then when I was dx. then taught part time and real estate now. But I don't do anything and my husband is starting to get bother by my character and lack of motivation. Married 4 years now. He thinks I don't love him and I know I am mean, to everyone, but I am just irritated all the time. my husband left once for all the horrible things I said and humiliated him. I used to think I didn't need anyone but now that my daughter left to her dad's...I realize my husband its all I have and he is so good to me
I changed Seroquel, which it made me more depressed, but now I am hyper and cannot sleep. my dr gave me diazepam to substitute but I don't want to take it every day. she said ok. I can take valerian root, melatonin, which are natural sleeping pills.....
I think constantly I am going to lose my husband.....View Thread
Igo through periods of time where I actually pray and go to church. tonight I can't sleep and I thought of praying for peace so I could rest because my faith has always been strong yet I don't do anything about it, it just feel it. I even joined a church group, then other times, like now, I am leaving the group because I feel attached by the pastor's wife. Of course, I came to this church through a "friend" I met in a church 16 years ago that stopped talking to me. after 10 years she called and when I began to have problems with my daughter with depression and suicidal, she didn't talk to me anymore again. I stayed friend with the pastor and his family but lately his wife....I don't want to have anything to do with her or that so called friend. it hurts a Christian would be like that.
I tried to raise my 2 kids Christian but my daughter also got disappointed because there aren't really relationships which it's really what attracts unbelievers to any group.....I met this new couple that coincidentally go to the church I've been going for the last 5 years. so I guess God always direct us to him but the truth is I am sick of it. I blame Him for what's happened to me and since my daughter left to her dad's and doesn't want to go to church with me; I am done. so it all depends.
lol Thank you so much. It's amazing what you share so similar. it is encouraging it's not blab at all lol.
Today I am better. took my meds and the movie effect is wearing off. I see I can be a little obsesive sometimes but that's good news for me because I thought I didn't care about anything anymore so I am trying to get obsessed with work and see if I make any money lol
I am new here. Hi. I have been dx Bipolar 8 years ago when I was 33. I had been dx ADD depressive a few years before at the university I graduated from because I was having dutifulness testing.
However, I've dealt with depression since I came US when I was 19 ad began to work. That's when everything started. It got better when I had my children, 16 and 14 now but I was always depressed until I had a manic episode.
I found the right PCH. and medications so I kinda started to get better 3 years ago when I got remarried.
My daughter got depression and emo so I began to fall back into depression. She has been in an adolescence residential center for 5 weeks now. She doesn't call me and resents me. She called yesterday right before the movie with Bradly Cooper about a bipolar guy with OCD father.
I cried sooo much feeling it's my fault my daughter is going through this and I am doing badly. Fear my husband might fall out of love.....
Now to make it worst I want to stop seroquel, which I've tried once, and I couldn't sleep with all the meds to calm me down and sleeping medication so the dr lowered the dose 300 to 50 mg a night and it worked better. I stopped taking Lamictal this morning and asked dr if she can lower seroquel. she said no. I will take the lamictal later tonight with the night dosage. I just want energy. too much up and mostly down. I am taking energy B12 shots and still nothing. Dr. said that diazepam affects my memory to not take it every night, supposedly for neck pain but helps in general. I cannot pay attention or learn anything......began thinking it's the ADHD and think I don't have BP disorder.
after this movie I want to become manic because I don't have energy to live. I lost interest in everything. I do "real estate" so I thought. I am not doing anything but wasting time and life passing through. I began to "help" a friend who began treatment, just dx., thinking I am so much better. That helped me more to realize I am not as well as I thought. sometimes I often think of possibilities that I could be unconscious and renewed like a coma from anything followed by amnesia or cancer so I can die fast..., crazy stuff
I don't want to be dysfunctional. Everyone thinks I am eccentric/ egocentric or wired. It was better when I didn't realize nor care what others thought of my behavior.
Today I don't feel like dying I just want to be up. energy 2 shots mid day and nothing. I don't want to do the expesso because gastritis and gives me a lot of anxiety.View Thread