Hi, I'm Steph..brand new here. I've just been browsing WebMD for advice/to help me understand and cope a little better with my situation.
The condensed version of my story.
I dated J 3 years ago, for a little over a year. About a month into our relationship, as we spent more and more time together, I become subject to his BP disorder, that he at the time refused to admit he had. I always described our relationship as..when it was good, it was amazing. He loved me with every fiber of his being and made sure I knew how much he cared about me. But when it was bad, I'd end up locking myself in the bathroom just to cry and wonder what I had done to have him turn on me. But the cycle was always the same...I love you, you're amazing, I hate you, you're trash, baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that at all.
We ended our relationship but I never stopped loving him, never got over my feelings for him. Fast forward to last summer, he tracks me down. By this point in his life, he had developed a hard hard drug habit. We talked here and there and I rallied for him to get clean, get back on meds, but he was so far gone that that sweet part in him didn't even bother to come out anymore. He ended up getting arrested and spent September to March in prison. He obviously had no choice but to get clean, which was wonderful, however he was still unmedicated. I was his sole support system while he was in prison and we restarted our relationship. He's currently in a halfway house until September. It's nice to be able to spend time with him again, but he is still not medicated. He has spoken to his caseworker and tried so hard to convince her how important it is to get him back on track with meds. It's been bad, there have been countless nights he's been in a rage and almost walked out of the halfway house. He stays irritated, frustrated, just generally down and angry. I'm trying so hard to stay strong for him...but I don't know how much longer I can stay with him being unmedicated. It's getting worse and worse. Even a couple months ago, we could go three or four days without an outburst, now it's easily every 24-48 hours. I just don't know how to keep myself from feeling like I'm losing my mind and losing every shred of self confidence I have..advice?View Thread
I've done a lot of thinking recently and it'd been a week since we broke up. I've realized I need to do a lot of work on the things he stole from me..my self esteem, my confidence and a good chunk of my happiness. He's tried to contact me many times in the last week, so this morning I deactivated my facebook and blocked his number. I need to focus on me and what I deserve. Thanks everyone View Thread
I don't mind harsh advice, so I didn't take offense, but I can't and won't break up with him. I don't see him as a project, I love him and he's the man I care about. Yes, there are times I think about it, but when it comes down to it, he deserves to be loved, just like anybody, BP or not. We actually have our first therapy session Aug 3rd and we'll be going weekly. I'm not walking away without at least trying as much as possible. He recognizes his problems, he's open to change, we just need to get on the right path.View Thread