Eeyore I do like that. Interesting when souls can see beyond the surface as those of us with MI do. Thanks for your words. Actually, my life is actually turn very nicely right now. Wish you the very best that can be offered.
So why would your words be harsh?. Because they are straight forward? Because they are on the mark and not awashed in pithy? There is nothing that we have that we have attained without God...for he gives our very life's breath. Yes, there is a center in your brain and a muscle in your lungs that perform's this duty. Unless you happen upon CSA (Central Sleep Apnea) where the brain lacks the charisma to provide the task successfully. When we as men and women come together to live as one, we recognize an importance in the communion of souls...so when we lack pretense, our spouse might do well to interlope where we need to be held up. if we give up on the other, we loose the very core fiber of our ability to thrive which is faith.View Thread
Take from each day, all that it gives to you, return only to it, nothing less than the very best that you have to offer.
I've been side tracked with a total knee replacement performed on July 8th. I'm a strange bedfellow when it comes to healing. It works differently for me. Three days after surgery I was at home, alone fending for myself. 5 days after surgery, I found myself walking a mile with a cane to help out with a car wash for the youth in my church.
Anyway. When I was hospitalized for BP, the doctor I saw perhaps 2 times in a week. Once when arriving on the floor and the other, the day before discharge. There was no therapist, only various social workers. In the environment of this hospital, I worked on heart, soul-spirit, mind, body and strength. God is the healer, we merely heal unless He calls upon us to heal another.
Within the DNA of a BP lies a trigger. Like a cancer victim, aids, diabetes...etc. The trigger imbeds in the mind. A BP is born with BP so when you say it was kicked off, that trigger was tripped, so now you must heal. Yet since it is a birthright (bad choice) how does it heal. Awareness. Medical Science has a way of keeping it's practice within it's tangent. That tangent never fully touches it's subject. Medical Science in itself is not complete. It relies on the faith of the healer and the one to be healed for fullness of healing. You lose that faith and you remain unchanged. The PDOC (Physical) and the TDOC (Spirit, mind, behaviour) can play teeter-totter for their entire professional career with you and you will not heal. This since the two remain separate.
Combine the two as minimally evasive practices. Medicine (drug) designs to create an environment in the mind that has attached itself to the moors of your daily existence (stress, anxiety, fear, dis-association...etc). You no longer cope and your faith is displaced. Neither the PDOC or the TDOC ever address this for it is not part of their practice, so you remain unchanged. Stress is caused by a fear to control something within your environment (work, money, children, people...etc). We are the ones to be healed so we cannot control what we seek to control. Realize the need to control is up to the healer (God) and not you (one to heal), and He will provide you with every tool you will ever need to heal. Even if that means medicine and therapy. Your power in this healing is finding the right DOCS to guide you to the space you need to be in to heal. Faith helps you seek this.
Free your self from the desire to control and you will be healed
BP is such a hairy area for diagnosis right now. I was a diagnosed BP (3 or 4) at this point. Not sure as it changed over the course of 20 years until I was finally told that it wasn't an issue for me.
The mental health field is in the front line of some very new ways for patients to gain their lives back again. I was started on Lithium in the beginning for a very short lived period of time. Went through periods like you have mentioned in your self. My favorite weapon of choice for a suicide attempt was an automobile. I was a coward when it came to guns and knives.
Perhaps your symptoms are merely your reaction to everything that is pining inside and all about your home/work/social environs. You mention stress in more than one of your areas of home/work and outward activity. My guess is that by now much of all facets are right about there.
We fall prey to depression when we feel we have lost our ability to control at least a certain portion of our daily activities. Work draws a heavy weight for you right now. But as long as you can get yourself up...brush your teeth and wake up...and go about your day even if you are a bit disarrayed, you really are good to go. I was once a pristine businessman who wore $700 Nino Ceruto custom fit suits.
Be not out to impress anyone even yourself. It creates an effort that is wasted and frivolous. Every morning wake and assess your basic well being. 1. Mind....is there a basic plan for your day? Map it out 2. Mood...if you are a morning person, this is usually a great thing to motivate your day. If not, you will need to be active in attaining a formidable morning mood. This comes from rest, sleep, and often times working through the restless bits at night. Spending a good deal of time in something that allows the mind to flow, while activating your spirit to move you through it creates a comfortable enjoyable environment that rewards the mood and elevates it naturally. 3. Physical. Perhaps the hardest thing we do is push ourselves to move forward in a day. Even a great day is taxing on all fronts. This only means we are working to make a better tomorrow, even though it may never appear. This is in itself a gracious deed we do for our selves. 4. Place the things foremost in your life that are not an absolute necessity and toss them in the dumpster. We create our Stress. We create our depression. So put those needs there also. 5. Me time. Take care of every part of your bring 1st. by loving your self. (Yea right). ha ha if you said that too then you will agree this helps. Sleep helps but doesn't always accommodate. So don't take a pill to grogg you through that. Make your days eventful and achievable. When you can get the mind and the body on an agreeable tandem, you will find sleep works better. Work through your day whether in be in a job/career...etc. or with whatever moves you through your day. Turn off the TV. If you have an over the air format like cable or satellite, put on the music choices and craft, work your home, spend time in the kitchen or with a good book if your mind allows it. 6. In work, be first mindful that everyone else around you is suffering at least as much as you are. They are just avid showmen who promote themselves to look good. Your boss. (Authority arugh!). Your boss may be a greater or a lesser person than you. Maybe sometimes better, sometimes not. Work place etiquette says mind the boss. Remember they have someone to answer to as well.
I could go on but I believe you get the picture. If your Pdoc and your Tdoc are playing their game of "pass - d - buck" give them both passes to their perspective throne rooms and take a walk back to your PCP and say you want better workmanship than what you have. With regards to your health, it is your possession, not the doctors. If you do not see eye to eye in your healthcare planning it is you who can fix it. Be good to your self.
Just typed a post and lost it before it was sent. Boo-Hoo so I will do the cliff notes. as it was quite windy. 3 day hospital stay account pain meds prevented me from spurring a fast decision. My last night was without a nerve block. Imagine a femoral nerve block plus 2 percocet every 3 hours. Was it necessary (the percocet)? Probably not. So Tuesday night (Monday was surgery), they took out the block as it was not working any more. I opted off the percocet. Said to God that all the focus on pain nonsense had to go, put some Sacred music in my earbuds, was place on the machine designed to move your leg to promote circulation, iced up the knee and inner thigh kicked on the old CPAP machine and slept through the rest of the night...no pain. Yes. See the key the pain management is to know where your pain comfort zone rests. Doesn't matter what level it is, when the spikes come they are only relative to a reflexive movement, then back to the comfort zone. 2007 pain management was pain control. 8000 mg of darvocet, 2600-2800 mg of neurontin, depakote, carbamazepine, prozac, wellbutrin. Whhooo Wheee baby Jean! Family expected me to function normally through all of this. Uh Huh! Well ashes to ashes we all fell down. Sad. No house everything in the house sacked I working on selling it.
Anyway...Today is day 7. 2 percocets to sleep with diclofenac for inflamation and pain. That comfort pain level for the knee? 0 Yeah tell my muscles and nerves that. Knee 0. spikes are usually 2-4 but jump to 7 if I tighten up and stop breathing. I walk 6-12 feet inside my apartment unassisted. Cane unless my legs need geritol. Outside. 1000 feet continuous movement walking no stops. Tomorrow - begin 3 weeks in home therapy, then 4-6 weeks OP PT. Smokin! I should be fine. I am living on my own and for the most part am taking complete care of myself right now after surgery. Medicos prefer you to be in a Rehab center.
That's the cliff notes. Embrace God, Embrace Christ if He is yours, then Embrace your Sweetie. Live life through love for it is the only one you have until paradise then the fun begins if you behave your self in the interim.
I was writing a post which disappeared so if it shows up here...anyway, pushing a person can be good if the church fits you. anything else will surely drive you away. is this still Methodist that is pushed on you? I was raised in a big church where a single attendance of 650 was considered a bit sparse. I was lost in a pew. So I joined a choir and sat in a more formidable place. I was also within the Sanctuary of that church and could always feel a presence of Holiness there. I was also very paranoid at the time so the eyes of the whole world were always upon me. What I didn't realize was that the eyes of 650 people were on me in that Sanctuary every Sunday and my countenance was strong. Why am I saying this? I was bred and grafted into the church. Without it, I am a complete loss. Different ends of the spectrum? I was also outside of that church for quite some time where I was given the name white wolf. I believe my picture here is just that. Church isn't about us, but about God and how we see Him. It is an help for us to strengthen our Faith which strengthens our relationship first to Him, then ourselves, then to how we perceive the things in and of this world. The nature of your diagnosis sends places you is a questionable space and the ever present "WHY ME". Well "why NOT me"? It is a special gift to see beyond the dust and asphalt along the road. We who sustain mental, emotional, behavioral misnomers are really special carriers of a specific spirit - this because we often see more than the outside of the pretty wrappings of the box. It is our calling. What "we" get caught up on is the "me" part. God gave us a spirit so we might soar like eagles and albatrosses high above the earth. An albatross can virtually circumnavigate the earth without landing. What strength! in church, by faith, we become filled with a certain spirit that "guides us into the way of truth", it's purpose. When in church, put people aside and pay homage to the spirit of God within you as it speaks to you within....prayer....praise....supplication.....contrition.....penance.....peace then....by walking His way and not the way of others. You may find you are closer in that walk then you suspect.
Just being whom you are is a first step. My psych eval was a bust. I was raised to "keep up appearances" I was on my best behavior and was (maybe) not completely forthright in my pinings inside myself. Because I was on my best behavior, the psychologist deemed me not to have Bipolar. At the time, I was highly suicidal and drove myself to the eval which was 50 miles away. I almost did not make it home that day from her prelim. Do not paint your prettiest picture but the picture that BEST demonstrates whom you are.