Good morning, Kitty! Could you please email me your email address because I lost my contact folder! Well, I didn't actually "lose" it - not like I was carrying it around with me, set it down somewhere, and then lost it, but you know what I mean, yes? lol Oh no, it's gonna be one of those days, I can tell! lol
Mercy, I understand that - but I guess what I was trying to say was that we can learn to not give into those cravings and/or binges. Of course it's hard - that goes without saying, and sometimes knowing the "why" about something can help. I used to think that there was basically no hope for my cravings because after all, it was because of my medication, and I had to take my medication. So I would get defensive when controlling my appitite or weight gain was brought up (toward me) and I'd excuse it by saying that I couldn't help it because it was my medications fault. Then one day I had one of those "duh" moments when I realized that yes, one of my meds does indeed have carb cravings as a possible side effect, BUT, that didn't mean I had to give in to those cravings. When I realized that it was as though I got my power back, but it also made me accountable and I couldn't blame it on my medication any longer. Yes, the medication makes it harder for me than if I weren't on that med, but not impossible. I could technically and literally choose to give in to those cravings or not regardless of the medication. I'm NOT saying that about you or anyone else, Ok? I'm just saying that even if/when or because certain behaviors can be more difficult to control because of an illness, medication or whatever, it doesn't mean that we can't. I used to excuse my excessive eating (especially night time) and say to myself that I couldn't help it because it was caused by my medication when in reality, the medication just made it more challenging for me, not an excuse.
So yes, I do know that binging for sure can affect our moods and moods affect the binging - been there, done that and will probably do it again - just saying that we have more control than we realize and don't have to stay on that cycle. My guess is that you know that and just want to figure out how to do it, eh?
I agree with you, kitty, that oftentimes its really boredom than anything. I eat "normal" during the day for breakfast and lunch, but from dinner onward, it's a struggle primirily due to boredom. During the day I don't even think of food (majority of the time) but even when i was working, night time boredom kicked in, and so did the food. But during the times when i was busy at night, food was not an issue.
For the past couple months, I have been very consciously trying to not give in to my night time cravings - once I realized that just because I have those cravings doesn't mean I have to give in to them; and I've actually been able to do it at least 75% of the time. My cravings (carb cravings) are medication related, but that still doesn't mean I have to succumb to them; it just means it's harder for me not to and have to work extra hard at it. The mind is a powerful thing!View Thread
"Live without pretending; Love without depending; Listen without defending; Speak without offending"--Drake
Hello there, and welcome to the board, though I'm sorry for what brought you here.
You said that you never let "it" (abuse) get to you too much, but the past 5 years you find yourself becoming very angry....."
Abuse of all and any kinds "get to us." We may stuff down the feelings and thoughts for as long as possible, but it will eventually rear its ugly head if not dealt with. You were traumatized as a child! There's NO way that wouldn't have a huge affect on your life. Maybe the past 5 years it's just been starting to surface, but its always been there. Likely the anger and other behaviors you are experiencing has its roots in the impact the abuse had/has on you. It has to be released. The most effective way of doing that is with therapy. You need to find a good therapist who specializes in childhood abuse, and go there prepared to do a lot of hard work. You need help to heal from the wounds that are so deeply embedded within you and then help to work on changing negative ways of thinking and behaviors. You don't necessarily have to have insurance to be able to see a therapist. I don't know how much you could afford to pay a therapist, but there are plenty of therapists out there who will see clients based on what they can afford. One way you could start that search is type in google something like, "find a therapist in (insert your city,state) and then several search lists will pop up and you can then filter according to several options. Then you read their profile to see if the person might be a possibility and see what it says if they offer a sliding scale fee. If they do, the likely will also give you a free, half hour consult appt to meet and greet and see if that person might fit.
But at any rate, I would try to find a good therapist to work on your issues. Things dont have to stay the way they are, and it's best to work on this now rather than later so it doesn't get worse.
Don't give up! Feel free to come back here as often as you like!