The clouds will always come out in our lives, but try not to forget that the sun is right there behind them, and will break through those clouds in perfect timing! Maybe not our timing - but the best timing for us!
One thing that I have learned over the years is that sometimes silence - the kind of silence where we stop long enough to truly listen to what's in our hearts, can speak louder than any other mode. That silence can reveal so much about that us that we wouldn't or couldn't hear otherwise, giving us the opportunity to then make the changes needed, or give insight to what's been puzzling us.
So maybe today we can take some time to just be silent within ourselves and pay attention to what we hear.
I am home from my session, and it went very well. I talked about my concerns, questions, and possible misunderstandings, and she cleared things up for me, and I feel much better about seeing her as my therapist - now that know she's not going to just sit and listen to me lol........of course, it's still hard because I'd rather be seeing my former therapist; but I can't, so I must move on. I will continue to grieve for however long it takes; in fact, the first 15 min or so of the session today left me heart-broken and in tears simply because of the topic of therapists and what does and doesn't work for me. It's still too raw for me right now.
lol yeah, re telling her that I need her to "Bring it on!" I sure do!
I also have thought of the things you bring up in your first paragraph (and more) as to possible reasons she appears to almost be handling me with kid gloves. I can understand how it might be a bit difficult and maybe even awkward for her at first, and may just be sort of testing the waters right now. I suppose in some crazy way, I appreciate that, but now I'm ready for her to, as you say, bring it on!
She was able to fit me in an extra half hour today specifically so that we'll have time to talk about this w/o my feeling "jipped" out of a session, you know? I know it is needed conversation, but it feels like that kind of stuff takes away from my therapy time. I just got butterflies in my tummy thinking about it!
OK, so I better get ready as I have to leave in about 1.5 hrs!
Venlafaxine is generic for Effexor, yes? Amazing you could just stop taking it w/o bad withdrawals. I took that briefly years ago and it was horrible weaning off, and have since heard that med has a reputation for being difficult to go off. So you must be one of the lucky ones where you don't have severe withdrawal going off (involuntarily) unless maybe you didn't have to be completely off it for more than a day or two - maybe?
Good morning! Actually, I agree! lol Maybe what I wrote (what you replied to) sounds like I"m saying otherwise. But my current concern with my new therapist is that she's NOT doing those things you mention (and more). I want and need her help in that way otherwise, as you say, what's the point in going to therapy? If I could figure out my current state by myself, I wouldn't need to see her. I've tried - believe me, I've tried; but I'm stuck and need help.
But, since writing my original post when I was more frustrated and upset, I do realize that I've only been seeing her a couple months and she may have her ways of doing things before really delving into things with me the way I want her to - which is why I will be talking with her about it today.
But yes, I see, hear, and agree with what you are saying; which is what I was trying to say that I wanted but wasns't getting with my new tdoc (but trying to remind myself that I'm new to her, and all of how she's been so far is not necessarily who she is as a therapist overall) - When I go to therapy, I'm not in it for the "fun times" - but to work hard on everything I need to work on and change and grow from the inside out.
How odd that your doctor has not had your prescription called in well before now! I'm glad that at least your pharmacist gave you a few pills to hold you over and hopefully, your docs office will be able to call in your meds TODAY! Like Kitty said, keep calling! Annoy the heck out of them if you have to - seriously! I find it irresponsible of him that you are having to go w/o your meds! I don't care if their FAX machine is broken! I highly doubt its been broken for this long!
Sorry, just venting on your behalf because this is totally uncalled for!
In the meantime, hang in there and I hope that it won't take too long for the med to reach therapeutic level for you and have you feeling better again!
Hello again - that is good that she is taking her meds, and hopefully she will continue to do so.
It is always possible for people diag with bipolar to have relapses where that person gets worse for a while, but it's important for your daughter to always work with her doctor and hopefully go to therapy as well. But she can get her illness under control with help as long as she works at it.
I may have misunderstood something you said, or what you wrote may have been a typo, but did you say that you hate your daughter? Wow, that's a pretty strong feeling toward her. I hope that you will choose to look into your own heart to discover why such hatred for her so that hatred can turn into love again. That hatred only hurts you. But forgive me if that is not what you said/meant.
Also, maybe your family can try to do more than just tolerate her, but instead, accept her for who she is, yes? It is not her fault that she has bipolar. Maybe she has done some unpleasant things while ill, but it's an illness that needs treatment, and if she was misbehaving before treatment, then it was not her fault. It still causes damage, but try compassion with her instead of tolerance, yes?
PS - I decided that I will talk with her about this my next session on Wed. I even requested an extra half hour so that I will be sure to have enough time to discuss this AND hopefully still have some time for more therapy work.
I'm a little bit nervous about talking with her because I don't want to come off disrespectful, but equally, I need to be true to who I am and what I need from her or it's not going to work.
I need to very clearly let her know what works and doesn't work for me in therapy. Sometimes that's hard to verbalize when it's something that has been an automatic for so many years.
I also need for her to give me a more clear definition of her style as a therapist - not her methods, but how she implements those methods. If how she is as a therapist is basically what I've seen so far, then that's not going to work in the long run. I will still stay with her short term because I need to for various reasons; but I will eventually look for someone else. I hope that I won't have to do that, and she is just starting out with me slowly - I'm new to her, but I'm not new to therapy; and so it's been hard for me to not just continue my process the way I normally do with someone who knows me. So it's very possible that I'm interpreting that as her not being a very good therapist. Time will tell. I hope that after I talk with her on Wed, we will be closer to being on the same page.