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Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

Welcome to the Borderline Personality Exchange. Meet others with the same ... more

Announcements

Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.

Discussions

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Mothers Day Celebrations

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL OF YOU LADIES WHO HAVE CHILDREN! I WISH PEACE AND JOY FOR YOU AS WELL AS THE...

May God walk before you. b.e.f.

Posted by sittingbull594

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mothers Day Celebrations HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL OF YOU LADIES WHO HAVE CHILDREN! I WISH PEACE AND JOY FOR YOU AS WELL AS THE...

It's been one of those days ...

I'm new to the site, just joined so I'm still learning how this works. I guess I just needed some kind of...

Posted by An_251855

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:It's been one of those days ... I'm new to the site, just joined so I'm still learning how this works. I guess I just needed some kind of...

Unsure of Diagnosis

So about two years ago I was diagnosed with BPD and to me it makes perfect sense but to the people around...

Posted by An_251836

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Unsure of Diagnosis So about two years ago I was diagnosed with BPD and to me it makes perfect sense but to the people around...

ANGER .....TRIGGER

MY HUSBANDS MOM DIED LAST NIGHT. WE WERE NOT CLOSE. SHE WAS A HOLY TERROR TO EVERYONE WHO EVER CROSSED...

May God walk before you. b.e.f.

Posted by sittingbull594

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:ANGER .....TRIGGER MY HUSBANDS MOM DIED LAST NIGHT. WE WERE NOT CLOSE. SHE WAS A HOLY TERROR TO EVERYONE WHO EVER CROSSED...

its to bad

it's really to bad that : some people think that they are holier than thou (you) or (me) that some...

May God walk before you. b.e.f.

Posted by sittingbull594

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:its to bad it's really to bad that : some people think that they are holier than thou (you) or (me) that some...

mary sings

are you still here? how u doin? i really have loved how you described the symptoms of bpd! most...

May God walk before you. b.e.f.

Posted by sittingbull594

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:mary sings are you still here? how u doin? i really have loved how you described the symptoms of bpd! most...

hello pt II

need to vent be heard listened to and tomorrow doesn't come in enough time. i have a new grandbaby 4...

May God walk before you. b.e.f.

Posted by sittingbull594

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:hello pt II need to vent be heard listened to and tomorrow doesn't come in enough time. i have a new grandbaby 4...

Hello

I've tried for many years dbt skills, cbt skills, and been in therapy for 15 years or longer. IN Jan I...

Posted by sittingbull594

I've tried for many years dbt skills, cbt skills, and been in therapy for 15 years or longer. IN Jan I believe is when I first was dx'd with bpd.

WOW! I hated the dx first but now i'm beginning to think yeah this is how i am along with the schizoaffective.

Perhaps many of you will feel o that gal is nuttier or how could what i'm going to say here work??? I never thought really that it would work either BUT IT HAS.

I'm not a religious fanatic but I am spiritual. So I was talking to my t and I have been struggling with a lot of suicide attempts and self harm. I don't know how we got on the topic of God b ut we did.

She told me to just tell Satan to leave me alone and to go away. On Thurs. morning i think it was I flipped out big time and couldn't find any help and i really wanted to sh. I was frozen as we all get. I kinda was fighting the urges however, it was beginning to go downhill real fast. Finally I relented and thought ok I'll try this. "Satan you are not welcome to be a force in my life Go away!!!. and then i said the lords prayer" I've never had anything in my life work like this!!! I had the same intensity happen the next day. Again I was in huge dispair and squirrely as all get out!! I did the same thing as i wrote above. It worked again!

The thing about this is you know how ya still stay urged throughout the day?? well it left me. NO KIDDIN! it left me both times. NOTHING has ever worked for me. I've sh'd since i was a kid and stopped for probably 6 years in adolescents to young teen and then i started drinking and pot.

I still believe in the dbt skills don't get me wrong. I just can't get over the actual leaving of these feelings and sensations with the God thing.

I asked my hubby yesterday if i've always been having crisis since he knew me and he's known me since i was 19. he said yeah i've been flipped out since he met me with sometimes times of betterment.

So we've been married for 34 years so whom better to know who i am?? Thank God I have a really great couple of t's whom I work with and I've finally accepted my PDOC. I don't really know the nurse who gives me my injections of invega. Have two disorders as mentioned above. Tho my life is topsy turvey most of the time today i have clarity and that's all that matters. Is the day you're in.

God speed.View Thread

Posted by sittingbull594

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Hello I've tried for many years dbt skills, cbt skills, and been in therapy for 15 years or longer. IN Jan I...

need people that understand

have suffered from mental illness since i was a child. i was sexually abuaed by numerous men. i told...

Posted by lostandneedhelp

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:need people that understand have suffered from mental illness since i was a child. i was sexually abuaed by numerous men. i told...

PTSD, BPD, and Obesity

Have anyone been sucessful breaking through the body image barrier to stop eating distructively? I had...

Posted by An_251219

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:PTSD, BPD, and Obesity Have anyone been sucessful breaking through the body image barrier to stop eating distructively? I had...

Mom of BPD Daughter

Hi. My 17 year old daughter has not been officially diagnosed yet, but I think we may finally be on the...

Posted by MentalHealthMom

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mom of BPD Daughter Hi. My 17 year old daughter has not been officially diagnosed yet, but I think we may finally be on the...

I hate people. I need help

I want to learn to love people. I made a list of beliefs I have and things I do so others can better understand...

Posted by Fryza

I want to learn to love people. I made a list of beliefs I have and things I do so others can better understand how to help me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

When people are struggling or going through a trial I have no emotional response or feeling. My initial thoughts are "you put yourself in that situation" or I simply just don't care.Â I don't see potential in others. I know they have a capacity to be better, but I don't believe they will change because I believe Â they don't have the will power.Â Aside from myself, I believe almost everyone is too weak to change and be better. I see far too many people failing.Â I get very annoyed when people feel the need to open their emotions to me. I feel that doing so won't solve their problems.Â I believe I am more capable and skilled than most people.Â There is no one I know except my mission president at I feel is better or more skilled than me.Â I know I can accomplish whatever I put my mind too. I believe most people will never do so and will probably fail if they try.Â I believe that amazing people and amazing events/actions are very rare.Â I believe that if I compete against anybody in anything I will ultimately be better and win.Â I believe that if I was living alone I would feel 100% and have no need for human interactions I often ponder about and dream about the end of the world and the death of millions of people If someone challenges me or defies me I often think about humiliating or destroying them.Â People who don't know me well often compliment and praise me when I do things I believe I know the reasons why people fail and struggle.Â It is very easy for me to notice others weaknesses and problems.Â I get very annoyed when people put their problems on my shoulders.Â I believe I have very important things to do in this life. I also believe this weakness of mine is hindering me from doing them.Â I believe I try and do everything everyday to be a better person.Â I grew up with my grandparents living with us. When they died I had no emotional reaction. I still have no emotional reaction. If my mom was to die I would probably have no reaction I have love for my children that is beyond comprehension. I love no other human being as I love my children. I don't know why this is.Â I believe if the entire world died I would hardly feel anything.Â I am the strongest advocate I know of wanting the right.Â I wish I could be a soldier in an army.Â I believe that people that are close to me know that I look down on them.Â If I choose to, I can make people believe that I sincerely care about them. Even though I don't.Â I believe I am really good at inspiring people if I choose to.Â If i see someone that is better than me at something I immediately make the decision to be better than that person at that thing and make plans to do so.Â I believe in doing good.Â It bothers me very much that I have these problems.Â I believe I need outside help to solve these issues.Â The thought of children suffering is almost unbearable.Â I believe I can learn more and learn more quickly by studying on my own versus finding knowledge through others. This is probably why school and class at church is so boring to me.Â I believe I am the most spiritual person I know. Having these issues really bothers me because I know these problems are out of alignment with God I have a great desire to sincerely love everyone.Â If I see that someone is in need of help I will help them. My actions are not based on loving them or having a desire to ease their suffering. I do it because I know I am supposed to and because it makes me feel like I am doing right.Â Most days I am disgusted with everyone because they are living such sub standard lives I can't remember the last time a human being impressed me.Â If people could read my thoughts everyone I know would probably hate me.Â I want to love people so I can serve better in the Church. Currently I have give give myself significant spiritual motivation before I serve in my callings in the Church. If the motivation is not present then I have no desire to serve others.Â I do whatever I want with no regard to other people's feelings. I believe that most everything I do is the right thing.Â View Thread

Posted by Fryza

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I hate people. I need help I want to learn to love people. I made a list of beliefs I have and things I do so others can better understand...

what am I?

I find myself very strange. maybe because im not very confident with myself. it's hard for me to get...

Posted by kaykillen

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:what am I? I find myself very strange. maybe because im not very confident with myself. it's hard for me to get...

seeking help

hi everyone. I am new to the site and I am interested in the creative ways people are finding to help...

Posted by loveable4sure

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:seeking help hi everyone. I am new to the site and I am interested in the creative ways people are finding to help...

New and old all at once

Hi I used to come here alot a few years ago, i tried getting back on here a few monthes ago and then my...

chin up, eyes clear, moving forward!

Posted by babybleu_4u

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:New and old all at once Hi I used to come here alot a few years ago, i tried getting back on here a few monthes ago and then my...

My family thinks i'm the devils child (or that's w...

So, I was diagnosed with BPD in July 2012. I have a feeling my father has it as well and it was passed...

Posted by sarajosie1991

So, I was diagnosed with BPD in July 2012. I have a feeling my father has it as well and it was passed down to me because I have always been extremely emotional and sensitive. My father refuses to believe anything is wrong with him...and his mother (my grandmother who died before I was born) was constantly in and out of the psych ward. My parents divorced when I was 12 years old and I am now 21 and living in my mother's basement with my step-father and my older brother.

This past New Years Eve I went to a party with a bunch of friend (all good friends who aren't doing drugs or anything). My mom knew about it and I had told her I wasn't gonna be home cuz Tony's (one of my friends) mom said no one was allowed to leave since we were drinking. Smart mom right? Well, I had too much to drink but I was safe and all and nothing terrible happened but I was pretty hung over the next day. I was suppose to go see extended family to exchange gifts but I wasn't up to it and thought it would be inappropriate since that side of my family are all grounded Christians and would see me as some kind of alcoholic. I texted my mom and told her I was hung over (thought being honest would be the best way to go) and that I wasn't gonna be able to be home in time.

I decided to spend the rest of the day with my bf of whom I had asked out on New Years. He had liked me for 2 years and I finally gave him to ok. We hung out all day till about 9:30 when my mom called fuming mad cuz I didn't tell her when I was gonna be home. So I headed home then and when I got home I was ambushed by my family who told me what and irresponsible child I was for not keeping my promise to see my family and not telling them when I'd be home. I lost my temper and threw a chair at my mother (which is something I have NEVER done in my life because I have never been an angry person until about year ago). I was told I was an alcoholic for drinking on New Years Eve and that I was probably doing drugs (which i haven't done in a long time) and all that kind of crap. My mother claims she sent me a text asking when I would be home but I never got it. My phone was taken away and they now complain about communication issues and crap.

Bottom line is that I did was I thought was right and smart and next time I know not to promise anything to those people. I do nothing right in my parents eyes...I have come a long way from where I used to be and no one ever tells me that they're proud or anything. I'd like to know your thought on my situation. thanks for taking the time to read.

View Thread

Posted by sarajosie1991

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My family thinks i'm the devils child (or that's what it feels like) So, I was diagnosed with BPD in July 2012. I have a feeling my father has it as well and it was passed...

New to group and BPD

I was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a couple months ago while in the hospital for 3...

Posted by An_249589

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:New to group and BPD I was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a couple months ago while in the hospital for 3...

Need support/help

I was abandoned at the age of 2 by my mother and I never knew my father. I was raised by multiple family...

Posted by gregornaut

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Need support/help I was abandoned at the age of 2 by my mother and I never knew my father. I was raised by multiple family...

I NEED HELP! :(

I've done trial and error to find the right medication for me, I don't feel like it's working at all. And the...

Posted by Samatha

I've done trial and error to find the right medication for me, I don't feel like it's working at all. And the friggen doctor that gives me the medication hasn't even requested a follow up! So what happens when I run out!? What IF it DID work for me!? What would happen after they're all gone? Just friggen deal with it. I can't ever get an appointment with a doctor when I need one most! When I do see someone they don't help. Or it feels like they don't have time or they aren't really listening. Lately I have been severely depressed, I've been having really bad mood swings, my boyfriend is exhausted from it. I feel like I'm drowning. I try to keep it together, I'm trying to be normal live normally but I CANT. I want to scream! I want to be alone in a dark place. I just want to be normal. I feel like I'm sinking and everyone is giving up on me. My boyfriend gets the brunt of everything I'm going through. I just want to scream. I want to be alone.. I feel like my head is going to explode. I just want to run and scream! I need help! But nobody has the time to help me!!!! I can't take this any longer!!! I'm drained from trying to be FRIGGEN NORMAL! I can't pretend anymore! I just can't take it! This medication that is supposed to take away the main problem, is NOT doing anything! I'm sinking! I can't talk to my boyfriend because I've driven him away with my craziness. And he doesn't know how else to help me. Telling me it will be okay just doesn't cut it anymore! I'm sinking! I feel like I'm suffocating! My life is turning upside down! I've been hiding in myself for years and I'm out of energy trying to be normal. I can't take this. I can't take it!! I have no one to talk to! No one to help me! This medication isn't helping me! I can't hold on any longer! I'm weak!! I can't take this! I can't hold it together anymore!
View Thread

Posted by Samatha

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I NEED HELP! :( I've done trial and error to find the right medication for me, I don't feel like it's working at all. And the...

I NEED HELP OR I WILL DIE

I have something very wrong with my mind. I have been compulsively thinking about the idea of determinism...

Posted by xceilingxfanx

I have something very wrong with my mind. I have been compulsively thinking about the idea of determinism for so long that it seems to have taken over my subconscious. I literally do not feel in control of anything. I used to feel very different. I felt a sense of control without thinking about it at all. I have questioned each and every choice over and over again subconsciously and it seems as though nothing is truly a choice.

it seems to me that we perceive it as a choice when it happens but in reality it's just happening TO us. Nothing gives me hope. I have been this way for several months and everyday I think it might be different today and it isn't. I try to put my mind on other things and reprogram it to believe int he illusion of choice but I can't do that if I truly do not believe I have a choice.

I have gotten so far in my life and I have just beaten Cancer. Now this monster has appeared and nothing in my life seems real anymore. My beautiful boyfriend Clifford.... my beautiful family.... I feel like I must kill myself and I DO NOT WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!

I go through the rounds everyday like a cycle. I can't decide what choices are my own and what is involuntary because I have somehow convinced my subconscious that choices are illusions. this leads me to think that people may also be illusions including the illusion of me. I refuse to think about such thoughts but still they come creeping through. I can't sleep anymore without my Tamazapam and I'm pretty sure that's going to run thin too. My beliefs rotate like gears being rotated by someone else and I can't decide for myself what is real. I have talked to so many people and gotten nowhere.

If I'm so in control then why can't I just decide to believe the world is not deterministic? It used to feel obvious that it wasn't but I felt that I was denying and I have been denying it for so long that I think it is real now.

I am at my wits end here and I just want to know if anyone thinks medication can help me feel in control again because I don't think anything will.

I am committing suicide by thought and eventually once I exacerbate every effort to eliminate this problem I wind up with suicide as the only way out and again... I don't want that.

Thoughts and emotions always changing.... I'm making less and less sense the more I try to figure this out but I can't just stop trying to figure it out..... I feel I have lost myself and I can't get back.

WHY GOD WHY? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!View Thread

Posted by xceilingxfanx

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I NEED HELP OR I WILL DIE I have something very wrong with my mind. I have been compulsively thinking about the idea of determinism...

Diagnosis borderline with IRM (or something like t...

Hi, I would like to try to diagnosis me with IRM. I Know that some studies have prooven that we can detect...

Posted by An_249378

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Diagnosis borderline with IRM (or something like that) Hi, I would like to try to diagnosis me with IRM. I Know that some studies have prooven that we can detect...

Holiday Greetings

This year Albert and I fixed a traditional Thanksgiving meal and stayed home. It was wonderful with both of...

I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.

Posted by MarySings

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Holiday Greetings This year Albert and I fixed a traditional Thanksgiving meal and stayed home. It was wonderful with both of...

i can provide you with the list of Antidepressants...

hello i can provide you with the list of Antidepressants Medications please email me for...

Posted by An_248943

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:i can provide you with the list of Antidepressants Medications hello i can provide you with the list of Antidepressants Medications please email me for...

hey

have bpd, depression, and anxiety i have tryed so many diffrent meds and im trying to educate myself in what...

Posted by vanna26

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:hey have bpd, depression, and anxiety i have tryed so many diffrent meds and im trying to educate myself in what...

Mother is a ticking time bomb

Help! My mother is getting worse and we don't know how to deal with her. She has been depressed for years, has...

Posted by bolgurl

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mother is a ticking time bomb Help! My mother is getting worse and we don't know how to deal with her. She has been depressed for years, has...

Mother is a ticking time bomb

Help! My mother is getting worse and we don't know how to deal with her. She has been depressed for years, has...

Posted by bolgurl

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mother is a ticking time bomb Help! My mother is getting worse and we don't know how to deal with her. She has been depressed for years, has...

What happened to me in my youth to do this to me?

In 2010 I was diagnosed with OCD and eventually after living with it I found that I have B.P.D. Borderline...

Posted by frankfkc

In 2010 I was diagnosed with OCD and eventually after living with it I found that I have B.P.D. Borderline Personality Disorder. I come from an emotionally/Physically abusive childhood and I've traced it back to that. My main question is that I remember one time when I was five years old I had told my mom that I hated her. My father grabbed me by my arm and picked me up while I was in my underwear and told me to "get out and stay out. This isn't your home if you don't love her." Is that possibly the catalyst of all my problems and feelings? I feel allota of pain coming from that memory and it fits in with my anxious state. BPD is a form of PTSD or something. Am I reliving the trauma? I read an article and this excerpt sounds like me: "A child is intuitively aware of his dependence on an external source for his emotional, circumstantial, and physical well-being. He perceives himself as limited in his capacity to deal with real-life obligations and responsibility and really doesn't want it anyway. All he really wants is superficial responsibility, the kind that is fun and provides personal gratification but has no real consequences; leave the real stuff to the adults. He wants his life to be in the realm of fantasy and play.[br>[br>If a child is thrust into what he perceives as real-life/adult responsibility and emotional/psychological independence to soon (the emotional abandonment or betrayal scenario), all his limited characteristics become evident and amplified. He feels weak, insecure, inferior, angry, unhappy, inadequate, distrustful, etc; all the real capacity of a emotionally hurt child. As this child matures, especially through adolescence, he probably wont develop healthy and mature replacements of confidence and growth beyond his childish limitations. Instead, as a substitute, he builds a fortress, an outward facade/image which gives the appearance of competence and security.[br>[br>As he grows, he can sense his facade and that not much inside himself seems real; he therefore begins to feel very empty and hollow, even more so than a normal teenager does. This is an early and recurring sign that his intellect and his emotions are way out of sync. His conscious intellect is aware that something is wrong but he can't control or identify exactly what it is; and, unfortunately for the BPD, wont get any better." how do I fix this. My father would tell me you need to get your head right your trapped in your mind. Is that old school thinking a legit way to solve my problems? What do I do??!!

View Thread

Posted by frankfkc

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:What happened to me in my youth to do this to me? In 2010 I was diagnosed with OCD and eventually after living with it I found that I have B.P.D. Borderline...

Mary

I have not heard from you in awhile. I hope you are doing better than I am . I am struggling with new memories. I...

Posted by AZ330

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mary I have not heard from you in awhile. I hope you are doing better than I am . I am struggling with new memories. I...

need help

I have recently moved to South Carolina and I am looking for resources in my area. I am not sure where to...

Posted by tinklover4u

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:need help I have recently moved to South Carolina and I am looking for resources in my area. I am not sure where to...

i am back on line

but under a new name. hope everyone is -well

Posted by friedeggs

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:i am back on line but under a new name. hope everyone is -well

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