Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange
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I WISH PEACE AND JOY FOR YOU AS WELL AS THE KNOW HOW TO GET THRU THIS OF OURS
SPECIAL HUGGERS AND LOVE TOMORROW MAY 13 2013
BTW I MAY TYPE IN LARGE LETTERS.IT JUST MEANS I'M EITHER
!) UPSET BUT NOT AT ANYONE ON THESE FORUMS
2) HAPPY
3) HAVING A HARD TIME PLEASE DON'T THINK I EVER IAM MAD AT ANYONE HERE! NOT WHO I AM.View Thread
I'm 34 and I have been diagnosed with BPD and clinical depression, approximately 5 years ago. I have good days and bad days. Lately, they have been mostly bad.
I had a big fight with my mother, which was my trigger today. I tried self soothing by distracting myself with watching my favorite tv shows. I hung out with my boyfriend and that helped me for a few hours but as soon as he left, it was back to the tears and the aching in my chest and that awful feeling of emptiness and hopelessness in the pit of my stomach.
I am curious to know what medication works for you? I'm on Wellbutrin and I'm going to be taking a small dosage of Seroquel starting next week. I've tried so many different drugs and I'm starting to lose hope that I will ever live a somewhat "normal" life. This constant up and down roller coaster ride is making me feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It feels good to get it off my chest and not have to worry I'm being judged or pitied.View Thread
some people think that they are holier than thou (you) or (me)
that some people pick at you and me
i hate myself
i sh
i have mi
i am swollen so much on the left side of my bodyView Thread
how u doin?
i really have loved how you described the symptoms of bpd! most excellent!View Thread
i read on dil fb page all about her relatives being with baby and how great her mom is. prob for me is they skype and my son doesn't even take the incitive to call me only texts once in a while unless i inciate.
i'm so sick of this. theres been some hard feelings started by dil against me that were extremely bad and then in retaliation against her by me just as bad.
i sh. wanna do that tonight an dholding off cuz i don't want them to win. took more antihistamines in the hopes of getting sleepy and getting out of bad physcial pain that nothing seems to help tonight.
im mad sad disappointed deceived hurt blamed shamed and sometimes its just plain to hard to go on. tomorrow is mondayh and a work day and have so much to do. i'm freakin already. ihave group in afternoon but its suppose to snow and the group is a 40 min drive from me. its been stupid snowin on mondays for som reason and i missed group last week.
i don't know if my pcp will call cuz i'm one big hurtin machine! new shoes didn't help. thank you for reading. my other side is a gentle giant (i'm 5'10") and a woman! i think i'm getting sleepy now. yeah how quick was thatView Thread
WOW! I hated the dx first but now i'm beginning to think yeah this is how i am along with the schizoaffective.
Perhaps many of you will feel o that gal is nuttier or how could what i'm going to say here work??? I never thought really that it would work either BUT IT HAS.
I'm not a religious fanatic but I am spiritual. So I was talking to my t and I have been struggling with a lot of suicide attempts and self harm. I don't know how we got on the topic of God b ut we did.
She told me to just tell Satan to leave me alone and to go away. On Thurs. morning i think it was I flipped out big time and couldn't find any help and i really wanted to sh. I was frozen as we all get. I kinda was fighting the urges however, it was beginning to go downhill real fast. Finally I relented and thought ok I'll try this. "Satan you are not welcome to be a force in my life Go away!!!. and then i said the lords prayer" I've never had anything in my life work like this!!! I had the same intensity happen the next day. Again I was in huge dispair and squirrely as all get out!! I did the same thing as i wrote above. It worked again!
The thing about this is you know how ya still stay urged throughout the day?? well it left me. NO KIDDIN! it left me both times. NOTHING has ever worked for me. I've sh'd since i was a kid and stopped for probably 6 years in adolescents to young teen and then i started drinking and pot.
I still believe in the dbt skills don't get me wrong. I just can't get over the actual leaving of these feelings and sensations with the God thing.
I asked my hubby yesterday if i've always been having crisis since he knew me and he's known me since i was 19. he said yeah i've been flipped out since he met me with sometimes times of betterment.
So we've been married for 34 years so whom better to know who i am?? Thank God I have a really great couple of t's whom I work with and I've finally accepted my PDOC. I don't really know the nurse who gives me my injections of invega. Have two disorders as mentioned above. Tho my life is topsy turvey most of the time today i have clarity and that's all that matters. Is the day you're in.
God speed.View Thread
I had sucess earlier in my life, this was b4 any diagnosis.
Since then my weight has been on a steady incline.View Thread
I need to know how to "speak her language", fully understand what she is saying/not saying.
I need to know how to support her without giving-in to her.
I need to know how to be the Mom she needs me to be.
I'm sorry for all the "I needs", but I'm really struggling with finding appropriate support for me in all this as well.
Thoughts, feelings, suggestions?View Thread
Any advice would be appreciated.
When people are struggling or going through a trial I have no emotional response or feeling. My initial thoughts are "you put yourself in that situation" or I simply just don't care. I don't see potential in others. I know they have a capacity to be better, but I don't believe they will change because I believe  they don't have the will power. Aside from myself, I believe almost everyone is too weak to change and be better. I see far too many people failing. I get very annoyed when people feel the need to open their emotions to me. I feel that doing so won't solve their problems. I believe I am more capable and skilled than most people. There is no one I know except my mission president at I feel is better or more skilled than me. I know I can accomplish whatever I put my mind too. I believe most people will never do so and will probably fail if they try. I believe that amazing people and amazing events/actions are very rare. I believe that if I compete against anybody in anything I will ultimately be better and win. I believe that if I was living alone I would feel 100% and have no need for human interactions I often ponder about and dream about the end of the world and the death of millions of people If someone challenges me or defies me I often think about humiliating or destroying them. People who don't know me well often compliment and praise me when I do things I believe I know the reasons why people fail and struggle. It is very easy for me to notice others weaknesses and problems. I get very annoyed when people put their problems on my shoulders. I believe I have very important things to do in this life. I also believe this weakness of mine is hindering me from doing them. I believe I try and do everything everyday to be a better person. I grew up with my grandparents living with us. When they died I had no emotional reaction. I still have no emotional reaction. If my mom was to die I would probably have no reaction I have love for my children that is beyond comprehension. I love no other human being as I love my children. I don't know why this is. I believe if the entire world died I would hardly feel anything. I am the strongest advocate I know of wanting the right. I wish I could be a soldier in an army. I believe that people that are close to me know that I look down on them. If I choose to, I can make people believe that I sincerely care about them. Even though I don't. I believe I am really good at inspiring people if I choose to. If i see someone that is better than me at something I immediately make the decision to be better than that person at that thing and make plans to do so. I believe in doing good. It bothers me very much that I have these problems. I believe I need outside help to solve these issues. The thought of children suffering is almost unbearable. I believe I can learn more and learn more quickly by studying on my own versus finding knowledge through others. This is probably why school and class at church is so boring to me. I believe I am the most spiritual person I know. Having these issues really bothers me because I know these problems are out of alignment with God I have a great desire to sincerely love everyone. If I see that someone is in need of help I will help them. My actions are not based on loving them or having a desire to ease their suffering. I do it because I know I am supposed to and because it makes me feel like I am doing right. Most days I am disgusted with everyone because they are living such sub standard lives I can't remember the last time a human being impressed me. If people could read my thoughts everyone I know would probably hate me. I want to love people so I can serve better in the Church. Currently I have give give myself significant spiritual motivation before I serve in my callings in the Church. If the motivation is not present then I have no desire to serve others. I do whatever I want with no regard to other people's feelings. I believe that most everything I do is the right thing. View Thread
I get depress for no reason. Im not interested and dont care with other people.
generally it seems like im tired with my life but if i dont have the courage to end it. hoping for a change is fading. success is no longer my interest. I call God but He's not answering me nor giving me more strength. I'm losing this battle and I'l all aloneView Thread
I have accepted that this disorder has run my whole life and I am really miserable. I want to be able to have a normal relationship with someone without giving up my whole identity. I would like to know that there is hope and solutions that are out there.
I tried DBT but I learned that I don't know what soothing feels like. I was always on my own when I needed some comfort so I don't have that in my skill set. It doesn't seem to be something that anyone can explain or even understand. Sometimes I think I say things that are true for me but people who didn't live my life cant understand and they don't really believe me.
I hope there are some ideas for me I look forward to hearing them.View Thread
Hi I am babybleu, 40 yr old single mom,, dx'd with bpd about 10 yrs ago.
I have had many hospital stays and in and out of treatment. Right now I am stuck in a place that I am limited by the number of therapists there are, (2) neither really believe bpd is a real diagnosis, and a total of 2 pysc dr's who again don't think it's real,, and certainly don't think I fit in it. Since they have talked to me all of maybe a hr total in a yr. I am fighting hard to be heard and listened to. But I am failing , I have started cycling again, I have bipolar traits where I cycle from up to down, I am a rapid cycler so I swing in a matter of hrs, several times a day. Which they keep telling me isn't possible because bipolar swings aren't that rapid. AUUGGHHHHH then you tell me whats going on please,,, as to i get no response from said drs. So I am trying to self treat. and to be honest it's not working out so well.
I have also recently been dx'd with fibromyalgia which isn't helping anything, I can't get anti depressants increased becuase of the fibro meds, and there is no one in my area that will treat anxiety with medication.
Im sorry I am more or less just ranting and whinning,, but I just need someone to listen and understand??
Anyone out there?View Thread
This past New Years Eve I went to a party with a bunch of friend (all good friends who aren't doing drugs or anything). My mom knew about it and I had told her I wasn't gonna be home cuz Tony's (one of my friends) mom said no one was allowed to leave since we were drinking. Smart mom right? Well, I had too much to drink but I was safe and all and nothing terrible happened but I was pretty hung over the next day. I was suppose to go see extended family to exchange gifts but I wasn't up to it and thought it would be inappropriate since that side of my family are all grounded Christians and would see me as some kind of alcoholic. I texted my mom and told her I was hung over (thought being honest would be the best way to go) and that I wasn't gonna be able to be home in time.
I decided to spend the rest of the day with my bf of whom I had asked out on New Years. He had liked me for 2 years and I finally gave him to ok. We hung out all day till about 9:30 when my mom called fuming mad cuz I didn't tell her when I was gonna be home. So I headed home then and when I got home I was ambushed by my family who told me what and irresponsible child I was for not keeping my promise to see my family and not telling them when I'd be home. I lost my temper and threw a chair at my mother (which is something I have NEVER done in my life because I have never been an angry person until about year ago). I was told I was an alcoholic for drinking on New Years Eve and that I was probably doing drugs (which i haven't done in a long time) and all that kind of crap. My mother claims she sent me a text asking when I would be home but I never got it. My phone was taken away and they now complain about communication issues and crap.
Bottom line is that I did was I thought was right and smart and next time I know not to promise anything to those people. I do nothing right in my parents eyes...I have come a long way from where I used to be and no one ever tells me that they're proud or anything. I'd like to know your thought on my situation. thanks for taking the time to read.
View Thread
I want to get better but I am afraid of losing her before I can get the help I need. I know what's wrong and I know how to fix it, I just need to find the right doctor and get to work. With someone as myself, willing and ready to take the steps necessary to heal, what is the process? How does it work?
I have a supportive extended family but at this point I'm assuming that I have lost the love of my life. It makes the process so much harder, especially at Christmas, but I want to get better. I don't want to hurt her because of my jealousy and inability to trust anymore. Advice? Comments?View Thread
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it seems to me that we perceive it as a choice when it happens but in reality it's just happening TO us. Nothing gives me hope. I have been this way for several months and everyday I think it might be different today and it isn't. I try to put my mind on other things and reprogram it to believe int he illusion of choice but I can't do that if I truly do not believe I have a choice.
I have gotten so far in my life and I have just beaten Cancer. Now this monster has appeared and nothing in my life seems real anymore. My beautiful boyfriend Clifford.... my beautiful family.... I feel like I must kill myself and I DO NOT WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!
I go through the rounds everyday like a cycle. I can't decide what choices are my own and what is involuntary because I have somehow convinced my subconscious that choices are illusions. this leads me to think that people may also be illusions including the illusion of me. I refuse to think about such thoughts but still they come creeping through. I can't sleep anymore without my Tamazapam and I'm pretty sure that's going to run thin too. My beliefs rotate like gears being rotated by someone else and I can't decide for myself what is real. I have talked to so many people and gotten nowhere.
If I'm so in control then why can't I just decide to believe the world is not deterministic? It used to feel obvious that it wasn't but I felt that I was denying and I have been denying it for so long that I think it is real now.
I am at my wits end here and I just want to know if anyone thinks medication can help me feel in control again because I don't think anything will.
I am committing suicide by thought and eventually once I exacerbate every effort to eliminate this problem I wind up with suicide as the only way out and again... I don't want that.
Thoughts and emotions always changing.... I'm making less and less sense the more I try to figure this out but I can't just stop trying to figure it out..... I feel I have lost myself and I can't get back.
WHY GOD WHY? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!View Thread
I would like to try to diagnosis me with IRM. I Know that some studies have prooven that we can detect some changes for borderline patients using IRM. Do you speak about that on your site ? Because I didn't found

Thank you in advance for your helpView Thread
I'm on new meds after being in the hospital for three weeks. My affect is rather flat. No real emotions. It bothers me but at least I have crawled away from the black pit.
I hope every had a nice holiday weekend.
MaryView Thread
i can provide you with the list of Antidepressants Medications
please email me for advise:powellv544@gmail.comView Thread
View Thread
Feeling alone and angry
AZView Thread
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