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I finally ended in the hospital without warning or any understanding as what was happening to me.
There is a book named "I HATE YOU, DONT LEAVE ME " which decribes the symptoms and causes of BPD.
I am not a doctor but I feel your doctors should not be prescribing addictive drugs to you. You have enough on your plate.
Zoloft is the drug of choice for anxiety and panic attacks (which Ive had since age 16). I take an additional antidepresent called Wellbutrin that is added to the Zoloft. You have to be your own advocate and not to do whatever these Doctors tell you.Many many doctors do not know all the aspects of BPD.You should find a doctor that treats BPD, which alot should"t be, ask them and interview them. You should not be on Benso at all. Its noy "life" Blake its an illness you had no control ober. Good Luck CharlieView Thread
I finally ended in the hospital without warning or any understanding as what was happening to me.
There is a book named "I HATE YOU, DONT LEAVE ME " which decribes the symptoms and causes of BPD.
I am not a doctor but I feel your doctors should not be prescribing addictive drugs to you. You have enough on your plate.
Zoloft is the drug of choice for anxiety and panic attacks (which Ive had since age 16). I take an additional antidepresent called Wellbutrin that is added to the Zoloft. You have to be your own advocate and not to do whatever these Doctors tell you.Many many doctors do not know all the aspects of BPD.You should find a doctor that treats BPD, which alot should"t be, ask them and interview them. You should not be on Benso at all. Its noy "life" Blake its an illness you had no control ober. Good Luck CharlieView Thread
I am new to the boards. My name is Blake, and I'm about to turn 22 years of age. I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, as well as depression throughout my childhood. My parents are very old school, and always told me that it's just a part of life and I will get over it. Well, I can't quite argue with them, because when they grew up, depression and anxiety werent really a concern or even something you'd think about, as we said before, "a part of life".
I started seeing my primary care physician, and explained my panic attacks, how they accompanied with vomiting and extreme fear of anything and everything. He basically blew me off, until I saw his assistant. Once I saw his assistant, she immediatly put me on 45,.25mg/month xanax as needed, and 20mg Lexapro/daily.
Furthermore, I got my wisdom teeth taken out and the doctors of course prescribed me Vicodin. Little did I know, this was a very powerful, and addictive drug. The Vicodin use continued even after my prescriptions ran out, as I could'nt eat and had extreme urges to go to the bathroom. I found a friend who had a prescription, so I decided to buy a few. This continued for about a month, I then realized how I deep I was into the "hole". I ended up taking up to 10-12 10mg Vicodin daily. So, I decided to go back to my PCP and talk to him, one on one, about my Vicodin situation. Immediatly he tells me "You know what this means, no more Xanax!"... Umm, Okay, benzo's and opiates are two totally different drugs, but, you're the doctor... Anywho, I havent seen him since because now he thinks that I am a low life drug abusing kid, which that is not in anyway my intentions. He wont even treat me for any sort of pain anymore. On to the next PCP!...
So I ended up manning up, and quitting the Vicodin cold turkey, and boy was that a challenge. I've never felt so "not myself" in my life.
Almost a year later, I started to realize the anxiety and depression was here to stay, atleast for the time being, with my life situations and continued "worries".
The vomiting was an issue, also I had blood in my stool, and just generally felt bad with my gastro. I went and got not only a Colonoscopy, but and Endoscopy as well. They found that I had gastritis and a small hernia. I would imagine the gastritis was from all the tylenol in the Vicodin. There was a question on some of the colon/endo paper work that asked "Have you ever addressed this issue phycologically?" ... never really thought of that.
So here we are, I am now seeing a phyciatrist as well as a counselor. Phyc=1x/month, counselor=3-4x/month. I was originally put on 120/month .5 xanax and 20mg/day Lexapro from my pdoc. Then, I asked if I could go the non SSRI route, which I am now on 15mg of Remeron daily. It works wonders! I took the xanax for about 3 months, and got tired of having to take multiple pills throughout the day. I told my pdoc about this, and he immediatly wanted to go the Clonazapam route, which I've done before due to my mother being prescribed, and they made me unsocial, so I told the doc I wanted something else.
Anyways, I'm now on 15mg Remeron daily and 1-2 5mg Valium, 3x daily. (as needed, but 120 are prescribed per month) The Valium is amazing. It takes a little longer to get working, but it stays working for a long time. I still seem to be depressed and have random bouts of anger. Often times I dont want to even get out of bed unless I took a Valium the night before, which kind of preps me for my morning anxiety.
Anywho, just wanted to introduce myself, and see if anyone else has any similar stories.
Best wishes to you all,
BlakeView Thread
Take the Poll
Poll Results
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Xanax11% (1)
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Valium11% (1)
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Klonopin44% (4)
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Ativan33% (3)
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Buspar(non benzo)0% (0)
You are a beautiful woman. There is love and joy on your face, whether you see it or not. When I look at you, I see a kind, grandmother-figure who will hold me and wipe away my tears.
Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. We love you.View Thread
Hope you are all doing well, I didn't post or comment in a while and I wanted to come back to say thank you and goodbye.
You guys rock!! After I was diagnosed I simply needed people to talk to and I got that here.
Over the past few months I've done lots of reading, I joined an online DBT support group and got the opportunity to meet amazing people who are struggling with similar issues. I am probably going to add a second weekly therapy session and I'm also looking into a psycho playback group.
I told three friends and a cousin of mine and I'm happy I did, I got support and love from all of them (all though they don't live in my city and I am basically on my one on a day to day basis, it's still comforting). I made a great deal of progress over the last few months and I feel that I got all this community can offer at this point , I also hope that I contributed a little from my one.
I know I'm on the step of an interesting and painful journey, but I am actually quite excited. I really believe that I could have a promising future one day. It's a daily struggle and I'm sure I'll have my down moments but I think that the outcome will be good.
I have an account on experience project under the name storm 224. (Btw U guys were right it is too messy and it's kinda hard to track who's who. I check in there from time to time and if anyone would be interested I would be glad to exchange emails. Joy, hope to hear from u...)
I want to thank you all, for being there for me and offering your support, love and comfort.
Marry, I feel I should have a special sentence just for you .Your story is truly an inspiration for us all. From the little I got to know you I could say, that despite your horrible childhood you are a loving and caring human been. I am grateful for the advice, support and tips. Continue to be a source of comfort for the rest of us.
Take care and god bless
Love
StormView Thread
hope everybody's doing ok. doesn't look like much has been going on with this group.
maybe i'll stop in later in the week and keep ya updated.View Thread
Now there is true Borderline thinking. Black and White, no grey.
You want to be angry with me? Fine, do that. But don't blast me as someone who didn't ask for your side of the story. I didn't need to. As I said, you wrote about it in several posts.
MaryView Thread
monday and wednesday i went to Recovery Zone, mostly watched tv with some others, chatted a little, ate lunch, and wednesday i went for a ride with some of the ladies to a homegrown produce market. i didn't do very well, but it was my first time, i was really nervous about being around others and talking in front of them.
on thursday, i went to DBT group therapy. it's more structured, it was the first day so mostly just getting to know each other. i really had to work hard at keeping myself from crying and walking out the door. i've never been successful with group therapy (tried it twice in college and got kicked out for not participating), so i'm hoping i can hang in there. of course, if i'm so nervous and struggling inside to just stay put, i'm not sure how much i'm going to get out of the therapy.
i'll try it all again this week...and see how it goes. i'll let ya know if i survive.
View ThreadTake the Poll
Poll Results
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Yes, and it was great!36% (4)
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Yes, and it was good.36% (4)
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Yes, and it wasn't very effective.9% (1)
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Yes, and it wasn't effective at all.9% (1)
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Never been in group therapy.9% (1)
I've got several health issues that I need to focus on.
I'll pop in when I can. I doubt that I'll be posting much. I'll try to answer posts but it will be limited.
MaryView Thread
He wanted to know if I was using my DBT and CBT skills to stay grounded. I told him yes but sometimes it was pretty difficult. He also said I could help myself by going through my affirmation cards, writing, or drawing.
He asked who was my therapist and I told him Dr.B. He asked for Dr.B's phone number. I wish I could be a mouse to hear that conversation!
He asked if I thought my current meds were helping and I told him I was sort of on the fence about that. I told him I had some days where I was on a virtual roller coaster all day. He agreed those would be difficult days. I told him I would rate my depression as a 7 on a 10 point scale, 10 being the worst. He said he would not make any med changes right now.
He asked what Dr.B and I were working on and I lowered my head as the tears started. I told him just a little bit about it and he was horrified when I told him that both my parents were sexually abusive to me. He asked if I wanted to go inpatient to work on this specific trauma to get through it quicker rather than just one therapy hour per week. I told him no.
He gave me prescriptions for all of my meds and told me he wanted to see me in 2 months. He said to remember I could call him anytime.
I think it was a good first appointment.
MaryView Thread
anyway...i called and left a message for K. i got no response today...you all can have therapists that call you back or call you and check on you, but i guess i can't. it totally sucks. even though K says she's there for me and i'm not in this alone cuz i have her, the truth is that I REALLY AM ALONE and have no one to talk to.
so i guess it doesn't matter anymore. why keep trying? my life doesn't matter to anyone, so why bother? why keep going? there's no one in my life to make me feel better, or love me, or hold me when i'm feeling like this, so why should i want to stick around???
don't know what to do.........................View Thread
why i'm asking: it's just i've been rejected by everyone i know, no matter who they are and what age i've been (since childhood) and there's not one person i'm acquainted with who has ever wanted to spend any amount of time with me. i'm just wondering, because i'm so lonely and don't understand why i'm being punished with all this as well as a solitary "life".View Thread
oh, yeah, and i'm glad, too, that you resisted temptation and made other plans for this weekend. so what are they? doing anything interesting? i just get to work this weekend (waaahh!!) but at least my supervisor gave me an easy day and i'm getting 4 extra hours tonite. then i gotta work sunday and monday! anyway, mood-wise, i'm really blah for the second day in a row. don't know why, just am. if i let my mind go, all kinds of crazy thoughts rush in, so i'm trying to keep myself busy....kinda hard at this boring job.
anyway, talk to you later. ~joyView Thread
btw...today's been blah...don't know why. it's almost as if i get worse when the weekend comes becuz i know i wouldn't be able to get hold of K if i needed her and i'm so totally alone i don't have anyone to talk to or call if i needed to. *shrugs* such is my life.View Thread
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MaryView Thread
I'm really concerned about your drinking. There are other ways to keep the pain at a tollerable level.
And if you are taking anti-depressants and then drink to excess, you are wasting your money. Alcohol is a depressant, so your meds and alcohol are working against each other. Work with your doctor to get off the medication...many have very bad side effects if you don't taper off correctly.
I care about you very much. I wish you didn't drink.
Love,
MaryView Thread
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