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Borderline Personality Disorder Exchange

Welcome to the Borderline Personality Exchange. Meet others with the same ... more

Unable to form intimate bonds with other people, n...

Hey, I'm in my mid 20's and can talk to people rather easily. I actually work in a...

Posted by OmegaBlack

Hey, I'm in my mid 20's and can talk to people rather easily. I actually work in a pharmacy and am in college.

I live at home and commute and work part-time and I try to hit the gym up in my free time.

I play a lot of computer games (actually only one) with online friends and that eats up a lot my time. I don't have a girlfriend so my dad always picks on me for that, and my social interactions with people, even at work, are a bit sketchy. People always define me as "weird" or "annoying" because I can be stubborn and persistent.

I am a very abstract thinker and don't conform to the norms of society so people define me as "odd" right away just based on that, even though I look, atleast I hope, like a normal twenty-somethings male.

Anyway, to my point, I've always been very depressed or bothered by the fact, that even at a young age, I could never attain a deep meaningful relationship with the opposite sex.

Even as far at one point, I thought I must be gay or something so I became really suicidal and stopped eating and was vomiting due to anxiety of being possibly rejected by everyone I love and something that was a "sin".

Anyway, I got over that, had sex a few times and was in a few short term relationships with women and realized I def. liked them.

But as I got older, I found it exceedingly difficult to be intimate with someone; a female.

I also noticed I found alot of traits of "humans" disgusting.

being intimate with someone, next to them, kissing, exchanging bodily fluids - something weird happened to me, and no matter how "attractive" the girl, I began to find these things disgusting. It's almost like I began to loathe the human race.

Its very weird and I still don't understand it, and my parents wonder more and more about me and worry, which in turn makes me really disgusted with myself sometimes.

I don't know exactly whats wrong with me and I try to keep an open mind and analyze myself and certain situations and I think I might be mentally damaged or something.

so I came here and am trying to figure out why I can't be intimate with someone when I'm 25 and I saw people having sex all the time my age and partying, while I spend saturday nights alone at my computer. And I'm not dumb and I can see all of this happen. I just don't get it.View Thread

Posted byOmegaBlack

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Unable to form intimate bonds with other people, need help? Hey, I'm in my mid 20's and can talk to people rather easily. I actually work in a...

Reply: Noticing BPD signs?

I can attest to the thoughts of sadism toward other humans, though I'm a 26 year old...

Posted by OmegaBlack

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Noticing BPD signs? I can attest to the thoughts of sadism toward other humans, though I'm a 26 year old...

Looking in the mirror, feeling like I look "sick"?

Hey guys, 26 year old, intelligent male here. 5'10, 185lbs, I work out alot,...

Posted by OmegaBlack

Hey guys, 26 year old, intelligent male here. 5'10, 185lbs, I work out alot, muscular/athletic build.

Anyway, For the past fews years it has gotten worse, but for the longest time I never really felt happy with myself or self-image. Now,as I age (26 as stated previously), when I look in the mirror, 80% of the time, I "look" sick to myself like I have some disease. My skin is kind of blotchy, pale, and my head looks big, and my hairline looks like its going back, I know it sounds stupid or like I'm overreacting but it really bothers me so much it's actually insane. My self image is so important to me; almost like I couldn't be happy if I didn't look atleast "descent", yet I feel like a freak sometimes and like it's getting worse. I don't even feel ugly, I actually feel like I look "sick" like some disease.

anyway, I workout so much, I eat right, I take vitamins, protein, supplements, I get a haircut, wax my eyebrows, buy expensive clothes, I'm well groomed and shower everyday,I get straight A's (pursuing a doctorate degree), yet Like I said I am just sad sometimes I feel like it's all for nothing.

And please don't tell me "look at your accomplishments!"; I'm honestly too smart for that "childish" lift me up/fake compliment. I'm very perceptive and realize the true nature of reality which is life then death. All our actions as humans we go unnoticed one day, and are atoms in our body will return to the Universe. Obviously my mental perception a reality is important, but that is the true nature of reality and I'm a truth seeker, even if it hurts.,..

So anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. I hoped I would get some responses from people on this forum since it's medically related, though I know it's tought to give opinions/diagnosis someone over a forum.

It's really weird too, because sometimes I feel like atleast a good looking guy on Earth too some days. But surely, I cannot morph from ugly to good looking?

I don't want any recognition or compliments or "your OK looking", "chill out man, see the world for its beauty" type comments.

I really am just wondering why all my guy friends are in relationships and go party on weekends, while I am single and sit in my room pondering the most absurd B.S.??? Why does my mind do this? I am even INTELLIGENT enough to look at myself and realize how insane it is for me, as a MALE to ponder my looks at this AGE, I mean, come on! I'm supposed to be confident by now, the "confused" teenager age is long behind me. I can only assume I clearly retain defected DNA and thus it has produced but another deficient and failure of an organism; one that by which evolution which follow that by lack of reproduction - my genetic material is washed away. Foolish it sounds, I know, but it's science.

If anyone has comments, chime in. Here is a picture I took about 1 1/2 week ago before going to the gym. I had some good sleep and look faily decent here I presume.
http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv273/XxAlbertoxX/DSC00761edit.jpg

I'm discrete. I don't even like people knowing how I think. It bothers me for people to know what's going on in my mind, and I really don't like posting here, but I feel like I need some guidance or help - I feel like I can't get that from my parents (sadly) anymore or anyone for that matter. Truth of the matter is, I don't have any friends....View Thread

Posted byOmegaBlack

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Looking in the mirror, feeling like I look "sick"? Hey guys, 26 year old, intelligent male here. 5'10, 185lbs, I work out alot,...

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