was just reading about sexual abuse and what problems it can cause in the long run, and i saw borderline personality disorder. i read it, and it fit me to the T ! it was scary. i was sexually abused from the time i was 5 up until high school. my husband or soon to be ex husband, knew all the horrid stories, and told me he would never hurt me. i continued to go through sexual abuse from the one man who was supposed to love and protect me. i have a big fear of being alone, i think thats why i put up with him for 7 years. i used to self harm by burning ( very happy to say i have not done that or thought about it in a long time) and if i drink alcohol is just worsens my anger. i currently like a guy who is wonderful and cares about me, but i keep tring to push him away. in my mind i figure he is going to hurt me just like all the other guys so i am tring to reject him, but why, he didnt do anything but i feel he is going to leave me, so why even bother in the first place. he got upset because i was drinking, and didnt want to eat, no sense in adding calories, and it just went from being nice to him to ultimately wanting him to kick me out the door. i didnt know why i always felt like this until tonight. makes sense, but i dont want to use it as an excuse to be drugged up. i dont want to be a fake happy, i want to be happy but do it without drugs.View Thread
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