This is my first time here and I just want to share my thoughts with the world. Maybe by some miracle, there will be someone out there who truly relates to my feelings, or lack thereof. I am very sick. Depression and BPD are my main issues. Since I was little, I haven't felt right. I've always felt empty, hollow, numb, and completely dead inside. Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Other times I feel emotions so strong, I can't contain them and I feel like I will die. I have identity issues, abandonment issues, attachment issues, and I am drowning in a sea of sadness. I am completely and totally detached from everyone and everything. I struggle with feelings of hatred and envy on a regular basis, particularly toward normal people, those who are capable of happiness. The notion that anyone can be happy if they try or focus on the good, etc. is completely untrue for some. Everyone has a happiness scale and each person is capable of a certain amount of happiness. My scale doesn't go very far. The most I have ever had were glimpses of happiness, temporary reprieve from the pain and turmoil inside. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be dead but I refuse to take my life because I would never want my Mom to feel the pain I feel. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. And for the record, I have been to therapy, including DBT. It doesn't work for me. I have been through EMDR sessions. They don't work for me. I have been on many different antidepressants, which take the edge off for a while, then I become immune to them. I have been through extensive hypnosis. I have talked in depth to counselors and family. I have done acupuncture. I have been to group therapy. I have done meditation. I have read many books. Nothing works for me. Some people cannot be helped, despite what society says. I am one of those people. And I've come to terms with it. All I want is to vent my feelings and thoughts. I don't want sympathy or traditional mental health advice. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.View Thread
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