Hi everyone. I've been reading some of the stories on here and wish I could reach out and give each one a hug. Now it seems I'll be needing a hug myself and then some.
I went in for my mamogram October 1st. How ironic when it happens to be breast cancer awareness month. Just 2 days later I received a call that I need to do a followup digital mammo and an ultrasound. Caught me off guard but plan to do it. As usual, my life turns into a soap opera and I'm picking my daughter up from school and heading to the ER. She's fine, but they had found a cyst on her ovary and her WBC was through the roof initially. I cancelled my followup test thinking we'd be doing surgery with her. Turns out we don't need to do surgery and just have to followup in 2 months. Whew. That parts over.
I had called the clinic back to see what prompted the tests I'll be doing. The receptionist said the doctor and nurse had notes written all over my chart but would have the nurse call me back. She called me back and it shook my world. Not only did they find a 1.5 cm lump but also a mass behind it.
I know I can't see into the future, but I'm already expecting the worst. The size of the lump seems huge and the mass is like putting me in the ground already.
To add to the problem I'm dealing with depression and stopped taking the medication in June. Knew better but felt fine and have done constant battle with our insurance company and thought I'd save money to spend on the medication they wouldn't cover.
And yes there's another issue to add to this. The daughter I mentioned above is 13 and has aspergers syndrome (milder form of autism for those who don't know). I tried explaining in a nutshell to her and her 11 year old sister the tests I need to do and the older one has brushed me off big time. She's obsessed with her friend who is a bad influence and it's her over the rest of the world. I keep trying to remember it's just the asperger's talking, but it still hurts.
Between all this and cutting the rest of the world off due to the depression there's basically no support. I get some from my mother-in-law and sister and sister-in-law, but next to nothing from my husband.
There's moments I just want to say forget the testing next week since I truly believe it has to be cancer they'll find. A mass is a big hint that it's probably already spread too. I figure if I can't get any support at home, why bother.
Sorry for going on and on. Just scared and wonder if anyone else ever hit bottom like I have. Didn't meant to drag this out, but thanks for letting me vent.
Hugs to all going through their own nightmare.View Thread
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