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My heart goes out to you. It sounds like, at this point, that your father needs to be under a doctors care. Is he getting any help with his mental stress/depression? In time this may break him down to some serious medical problems.
I can see my father as he took care of my mother. He was under so much stress and so depressed, and putting her in a care facility was just worse than dying as far as he was concerned. He did take care of her until her death.
Has your mother been evaluated lately by a medical doctor or psychiatrist/psycologist? Is she taking medicine for her mental condition?
It sounds like it may have been a good thing that she was in the assisted living situation. At least your dad can get some rest. I understand the guilt feeling as I may have to put my husband in a care facility because of his Alzheimers.
Does your parents have a clergyman/pastor/priest who can give them spiritual advice. A respected clergyman/friend can be a great support for your Dad and you. Is he able to get out and have time to himself? It sounds like he needs a break now and then.
When it came time that I could no longer (mentally) take care of my mother-in-law, we ask the doctor to help us. He wrote up an order that she need around-the-clock care and that she should go into a nursing home. This took the load off our shoulders of breaking the news to her. My husband also had a strong guilt feeling and so did I. I think that is natural.
I pray that you and your family can come to a decision that is best for all--especially for your father. If he has a medical or mental breakdown, who would be liable to care for your mother?
I care!
KathyView Thread

I used to be a distributor of well known vitamins and protein. One of the warnings was about babies and older people when it came to straight protein supplement. They need to drink a lot of water when they take protein. Also vitamins. You need to be aware of what vitamins and how much protein are in the protein shake.
My husband is 74 and I buy the Senior multiple vitamins. He doesn't take extra protein, because he eats good. He also gets extra B12, E, D3, and folic acid. All prescribed by the doctor.
You are right in asking about the combination of vitamins, protein and quantity. I hope this helps.
KathyView Thread

You are such a loving and caring person. I've never heard of a young person caring so much for a grandparent. You have gone above and beyond in helping and making memories with your grandpa. You have received more blessings through this than anyone else possibly can.
No one expects you to put your life on hold. You have made that choice. So you must be firm and determined not to allow your relatives to give you a guilt feeling or to make you think you are responsible for your grandpa. The people who want to move him in with you, are very selfish and self-centered people.
There are some things you can do immediately for your support sysytem:
#1 Make and appointment with the hospital social worker. Tell her very frankly how you feel. Through this, she can help through talking with the responsible people.
#2 thru this, talk to his doctor and let him know that you cannot continue to take care of grandpa since he is in such bad condition.
#3 talk to a lawyer. if you have not signed papers to become grandpa's durable medical power of attorney, then find out who is legally responsible. As you say, I'm sure it would be his children who don't want to face this issue.
#4 Be strong and firm! Contact your pastor, priest, or even a clergyman in the hospital. You need spiritual strength and support.
Grandpa's condition sounds severe and it sounds like he will need 24 hr. care. His doctor can write that order, and grandpa can go to a home which provides this care.
I'm talking from experience. My husband, being the youngest, was the one to take care of his mother. He moved her into our home and expected me to care for her while I was working and to come home at lunch to fix her something to eat, plus call on break or go home on break and check on her. Most of the time, he was enjoying himself some place else. When I quit work due to weakness, he then would not let me off the property because Mom might have to go to the bathroom. I felt I had a log chain around my ankle and was chained to her bed. I was so depressed. I finally told him he would have to chose between me and his mother, as I could not go on anymore like this. Not long after this, his Mom was in the hospital. We talked to the social worker and I told the doctor that I couldn't take care of her anymore. So he wrote up the order stating that she needed 24 hr. care and she was placed in a nursing home. So it was made easier on us since the doctor told her she needed 24 hr medical care.
I will be praying for you and your family.
KathyView Thread
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