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Reply: A disability and the norm............Thank you for your note. We agree on so much. You touch on two issues that deserve...
Thank you for your note. We agree on so much. You touch on two issues that deserve emphasis. One relates to chronic illness, the other to disability.
Chronic illness frequently cannot be seen by others. The joke is that they say, But you look so good. That lets them off the hook. Even with my cancer and MS, casual friend swill comment on how good I look. Like you were expecting a cadaver? Others want, even need for us to look good. Then we cannot be that sick.
Disability is different. Others just look away. They don't want to see us. We have no place in a culture that celebrates beauty and physical perfection.
We are different and might as well get used to it.
My best,
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Invulnerable Until They Get SickDear Phil Mickelson: Professional athletes are in vulnerable until they get...
Dear Phil Mickelson:
Professional athletes are in vulnerable until they get sick. Then they can teach us about living with illness and coping. Who knew anything about ALS until Lou Gehrig was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis and shared his courage with the world in a speech from the field at Yankee Stadium on July 4, 1939. We were moved, and the disease became commonly known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Maybe there is a lesson there for Phil Mickelson. His illness, recently made public, may not cost him his life but has the full potential to rob him of his way of life. There are several types of Psoriatic Arthritis leading to possible disability. Mickelson has not revealed much about his illness. There is no way to know what will happen to his winning career on the links. But it is clear he is in the fight of his life.
What will Mickelson do? One option is to make his fight a public struggle and offer all of us a lesson in dealing with debilitating chronic illnesses. Reaching out and helping others offers a new reason for being. Mickelson seems to have learned grace on the golf course. Extend that wonderful warmth, and offer it to all his fans who grapple with these conditions.
I am not a golfer but am a card carrying human being. I have learned a lot about how a chronic illness can shake a person's world and take away a dream. MS took me there a long time ago. If I were speaking to Phil in person, I'd say obviously, you have found your dream and live it well. What you cannot know at this moment is that in meeting the challenge and possibly losing, you can win.
Multiple sclerosis found me when I was at the top of my game as a journalist. My legs went out from under me, literally and figuratively. I have scrambled and lived by my wits for decades now. I have refused to let go of my dreams and managed to cover wars and politics and people until I no longer could.
You should learn the power of denial. I denied that I really had the illness. That only worked for a while. Then I learned to deny the certainty of possible outcomes. That was liberating. I was free again to follow my dreams. I chased news around the world, paying little attention to encroaching limitations.
Golfers understand taking chances. Never stop doing that. You must become defiant, play through pain. Never give up. Let others purchase their caskets prematurely. Don't let yourself off the hook. That is too easy. Be the man your wife married. Her breast cancer has given her a journey. Now you have yours.
Many versions of your rude awakening have been shared by more than 135 million Americans whose lives have changed and perhaps are shaped by chronic conditions. They divide into winners and losers, mostly by attitude. You have discovered a new starting line, a first tee, if you will. Now much depends on how you face the future and how high above your illness you can lift yourself.
The illness is in your body, the way out in your head. Lift others as you lift yourself. Take flight and soar. Offer an example by integrating your disease into your life and never stop moving forward. The rest will take care of itself.
My best,
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Reply: Fighting Mental IllnessYou sound as if you feel isolated. That will not help anyone with a mental illness....
You sound as if you feel isolated. That will not help anyone with a mental illness. You need to climb out of the pit, and if you try to do it alone, you may slip down deeper. Please connect with a support group. There are a number of organizations that deal with depression. Becmoe proactive. That alone will help you feel better.
My best.
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Reply: Fighting Mental IllnessYou are correct. This is the soft discrimination against the mentally ill that many...
You are correct. This is the soft discrimination against the mentally ill that many rail against. It is soft until it hits you in the head. I hope you are going to some of the affinity groups that work with mental illnesses. They have lawyers and can raise hell.
My best,
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Reply: The Stigma of Chronic IllnessDear NJMSer, What a nice story. You remind us that prejudice is not automatic....
Dear NJMSer,
What a nice story. You remind us that prejudice is not automatic. There are good people out there. May you always find them and bring them into your life.
My best,
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Reply: The Stigma of Chronic IllnessAimee: We all find our way our own way. Good for you. Getting a handle on stigma...
Aimee:
We all find our way our own way. Good for you. Getting a handle on stigma is tough. Congratulations. You are back on top.
My best,
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The Stigma of Chronic IllnessAnd there is the burden of stigma, a potent topic. Anyone who does battle with a...
And there is the burden of stigma, a potent topic. Anyone who does battle with a chronic condition quickly understands that there are two enemies on the battlefield of health and happiness. One, of course, is the illness itself, frequently frightening, always challenging. The second is the insidious, sometimes subtle power of those around us, often in our lives, to bring a narrow mind, if not a vial prejudice into the picture.
I urge you to watch and listen carefully to Part 2 of My Conversation with Larry Fricks (Note: It is Video #6) , who has long lived with bipolar disorder. It is posted in the Strong at the Broken Places series of interviews. Larry makes the persuasive argument that what others think and say about a person and the damage they do can be more devastating than the conditions themselves.
That may be especially true with a mental illness, but it frequently comes into play with any serious sickness in or lives. I have been turned away by potential employers and spurned on the social scene because of my MS. I promise you, this is a common story. It is hard to win these battles because they are rarely conducted with candid conversations. It is like shadow boxing.
People are not honest about their own prejudices. Too often we never find out what really happened. Excuses are offered, phony reasons presented. The job denied or the date that never happens can remain a mystery. Deep down, though, if we can bear to face it, the truth is obvious and festers. We are left in the dust, powerless to change anything.
That is a lonely place. Sound familiar? What can we do? How do we stop the bleeding?
My best,
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Reply: Hearing the Worst from your DoctorAimee: Good choice. Let others do what they believe is right for them. Obviously,...
Aimee:
Good choice. Let others do what they believe is right for them. Obviously, you believe in yourself and find joy where you can. Never lose those qualities.
My best,
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Reply: Hearing the Worst from your DoctorHey, you. Go find those warm feelings again. You have been sidetracked by that...
Hey, you. Go find those warm feelings again. You have been sidetracked by that exchange. You are okay and have the power to be even better. Keep reminding yourself this is a long siege and you are not alone. The shared experiences and emotions are real. Write when I can help.
Best,
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Reply: Anger AboundsDear Drena, Follow my own advice? Never. Telling others what they should do is...
Dear Drena,
Follow my own advice? Never. Telling others what they should do is easy. Doing it yourself, well, that is another story. There is no formula or empirical truth. I defy you to find a cook book that speaks with authority on dishing out coping advice. All of us just make it up as we go along. And we are different. We learn from each other. Teach me.
My best,
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