Well it is over and I made a settlement for less support but Attorney made it so it can not be modified only if 1 of us dies or I re-marry (not likely) and added 6 mo. (If He reads this He already knows this info. - found out He was reading my posts here on the Coconut Patch...) I made the mistake night before last at talking to him on the phone for over 2 hrs. It seemed like a civil talk we talked about we should have went to marriage counseling a very long time ago etc etc of course everything he said he sucked me in and I got up yesterday feeling really good that we were able to get everything out. Then I went to see my tdoc and She said NOT to talk to Him that it will make me spiral. I had already had a mask on the week prior and broke down. She bursted my bubble by the time I left I was crying, but she is tough with me and that is what I like, she tells it how it is and she was right....then last night (I had left a msg for him to tell him not to make support checks out in maiden name - like he did) he called me and said he thought I would go back to my maiden name and why would I want to keep his it would just be a reminder of what happened. All in all he knew he was upsetting me and I told him and he agreed that we should not talk after we finish the papers we still have to do, he does not want to cause me to have problems with the BP and wants me to heal. So I was depressed all day today and told my Mom last night I was going to go into my woman cave all next week other than going to tdoc appt. Then I have to pressure of trying to get some health ins or at least one that will approve me with pre-existing cond., social services is out, I make too much money, already got denied from 2 co. I am going to try again with the program through the new reform I qualify for 2 of the 3 qualifications and they denied me the one that I did not was that I had ins. the past 6 mo. But it said I could still apply and it is possible that with certain circumstances they could approve me, but it is going to cost me $374/mo. So I am probably going to go hide out. My other part that I am depressed about is that my Yoga/Brainwave Vibration membership is up on Mon. and it really has been helping but I can not afford to continue at this time, they know I am very dedicated (I go 6 days a wk) and they want me to continue the practice but I just can not afford it.......I am really hating life right now...
Thanks Slik I can't wait to start that new chapter....I guess I can say I have started some, by getting my own place. But I still have alot of work to try and heal the scars he left from the abuse. Next week I told my Mom I am going to stay in my woman cave lol the only time I will come out is going to my tdoc appt and of course to get my mail lol. My Mom and I are making plans for a trip for 2 days in San Diego, CA to celebrate the divorce, Her treat YAY!! will be soooo much fun. Hugs, VickiView Thread
Hi Snowy Yes I am happy it is Almost over......still have to get final signed papers from judge. Also we have to deal with the the transfer of what I was awarded (1/2 his 401k, buriel plots) I have already taken care of the car, it is Now In My Name YAY and I got my own car ins too Now this was a Great Feeling. He actually made my 10/1 support check written with my maiden name, I had to leave him a msg telling him not to do this as I still have his name. He called me and said he thought I changed it, and why would I want to keep his that all it would be is bad memories, he knew he had me irratated I told him that it is not easy to do this and takes alot and right now that is the last thing I am going to work on. My Biggest concern is getting me health ins. He agreed though on us not talking for now because he does not want to jeopordize my recovery.. I have went to Soc. Sec. (as NAMI told me to do) and they said they could not help me that I have to be on disability for 2yrs. And the stupid new reform program I was told about, apparently CA is not participating in it....I even talked to my pdoc/tdoc office they said some do Cigna but has a 3wk waiting period, well tried that they couldn't help. So my next stage (only other option) is to go to Social Service for Medi cal/Medicaid.....I never thought I would have to go there. As for my yoga they have offered me to pay $100/mo, but I can not even pay that at this time I told them, they believe I will find a way to come back, I told them I really want to and as soon as I know my financial situation more I will come back, until then I will go visit. I am staying as strong as I can, I am a strong woman and know it and I am keeping my Faith to get through the rest of it.
Hi Everyone sorry I have not been in touch, I have been busy getting ready for the final divorce trial. It was Friday, we made a settlement and now we just have to wait for the judge to sign final papers stating divorce final and then I am officially single. I can not go into details since I found out that He has been reading my post here in the coconut patch. I have changed my e-mail but am now afraid to write anything because of this. He also read e-mails from my FB and e-mails including ones that I was writing his ex. I have had to change all security settings. I thought I did but he found out how to get around it. So until I find out how to block him from this, I will not be able to get on.
But wanted to update you that the trial is over and done with.
Hi Snowy I have let my Attorney know what happened. I also think He may of been aware of it before because there was a folder that had - Coconut Patch, Facebook, e-mail....so I forgot to ask about it. But before the trial I had already told my Attorney about His stalking etc. My Attorney told me to keep a close eye on things like this and to let Him know and we can put a restraining order on Him. Or there is one other type of order that keeps him from going into my social sites. I have changed my passwords etc. and have asked WebMD about changing my screen name. But I think he will stop for now. I will keep in touch. Hugs,
Hi Everyone Things are going pretty good for me, loving my New Place already have been here 1 mo. I also signed up and started a Yoga/Brain Wave Vibration class which I go daily I have just did my 8th day today. So can not wait to see the changes it is supposed to help me with. Now as for the divorce........He is behind 2mo. tomorrow on Spousal Support and still have not gotten the tags for the car. But I did get a call from my Attorney's office and talked to the Paralegal, He called to update me that they Finally got a response from His Attorney (She was not responding to calls or letters) She said that she has the tags for the car. I then had written my Attorney about them but also brought up about the back support...the paralegal said he was going to call His Attorney again and find out what was going on with that (the wage garnishment is still in the process sitting on someone's desk at the courthouse since 16th of last mo., paralegal is going to research and push them to get it done). He called me back and said She also has the checks for the past 2 mo. and will mail to my Attorney's office (which is how we have is set up for now, we do not want Him to know where I moved to) she was supposed to mail today, so I should get it next week, well be nice to finally not have to watch my rear view mirror for cops for expired tags (was due in June), and to re-pad my savings so I can pay for rent, bills etc. So all in all I am doing pretty good, does help having my pdoc increasing my meds through this and he just extended my disability to Oct. 15th. My Attorney said He does not want me off of it until at least After the divorce.
Well I miss everyone, I only get to write on FB to a couple of you. I will try and keep you updated and drop in and at least say Hi.
Hi Everyone I finally got moved on the 1st and did not have cable or internet for 2wks. Just got internet Thurs YAY. Everything is going ok, still in the process of the divorce, so far He is staying away from Me and we are letting are Attorney's take care of everything. Other than couple of weeks ago I did e-mail Him (and sent a copy to My Attorney) asking about the registration and tags for the car that was due in June (the car is still in His name) it was a Nice e-mail letting Him know I did not want to get a ticket or the car impounded for expired tags (before I wrote e-mail I had went by the House and He did have them). Then said that if this did happen it would be His responsibility since the car was still in His name. Well I found out this week from My Attorney that apparently He took it that I was threatening Him and His Attorney called Mine yelling at Him. So Mine called Me and I told Him that it was a nice e-mail and that I sent a copy to the Paralegal He works with. So now it is back in the Attorney's hands. We still have to go to trial (My Attorney is trying to avoid going that far and settling before) for His pension, the car, My IRA and some other things. I am loving my New Place and my Cat also is. It gets a little lonely but I try to keep busy. I have ran out of things to shop for LOL so that is something I am not doing for now... One interesting person found Me on Facebook and We have been in contact via e-mails.....His Ex-Wife...It has been a real eye opener, the only difference on the abuse between us was He hit her, where He was Verbal with me. Other than that He Emotionally and Sexually abused both of us. Our stories with Him are almost exactly the same, even down to Him taking both of us in middle of night to Vegas to get married and He did not buy Her the pictures and didn't buy Me the video. She even called Him a sociopath (as my tdoc recently told me He is), His Ex also told Me to be Very Careful that He made threats to Her when she left and basically stocked her, she told me to set my privacy settings etc so He can not have access to anything. Her and I are being Very Careful as we both do not want Him knowing we are talking. I have not seen Her since 2000 when She came and picked up the last of Her things (that I made Him keep). She wants to meet, but I told Her right now is not a good time especially with where we are in the divorce but we still can keep in contact via e-mail. Well I have wrote enough for now, sorry it was sooooo long. I guess I had alot to say. There is more but I will keep it for later.
Hugs to ALL of You that has supported Me through all this.
Hi Everyone I have been looking for my own place to live with my cat, and finally yesterday I found one. It is a 1br 1ba apt. about 700 sqf, new carpets, new a/c, new floors, nice size kitchen and dining room area, Big Bedroom and Big bathroom, I even get a garage. The courtyard I will be in has a swimming pool (literally 15 steps from my door), rental office (where I would pay rent), I will be end unit downstairs next to mailboxes at entrance, everything just Perfect all for $895/mo (cheap for the area and best we have looked at and we looked at ALOT). I left a $100 deposit to hold it yesterday and now they just need to process paperwork and get the final approval which I will find out next week. My Mom was with me and helped pick it out, it was love at 1st sight. Today we took my Dad also, I had papers to drop off, he really like it also easy move in as he says and nice place. So if all is approved I will be moving end of month. Now all I have to wait for is my $1525/mo spousal support to come in He owes me all of May and now the 1st of this month. I have a msg in with my attorney, he said we are waiting for His attorney to sign papers to do wage assignment. I have enough to do my move in luckily. Then the fun begins on the rest of the divorce (pension, car etc etc). I will keep you all updated, some of you that I have on FB knows some of this and thanks to everyone for being so supportive through this tough time for me. Hugs, VickiView Thread
Hi Snowy, I should know sometime this week and will definetly let all of you if I Get It..Already shopping for different items. I have not been in my own place for 11yrs so a little nervous, but I know that is normal. As for how the support will come to me. My Attorney set it up to have His wages garnished this way I will get it from the courts I will be getting 10% of his overtime on top of the $1525/mo. I bet He is sorry He wanted to see a different judge LOL.
Thanks Slik I will find out next week, hopefully 1st of week. And as for the ex paying up, it is court ordered, my Attorney is waiting for the papers they sent His Attorney to sign, if we do not hear by next Friday, then Mine is taking to the cours to have it processed. So hopefully this next week will be a good week.....it just started about 5 min. ago...My Parents just left for a week on vacation to the mountains lol of course my Mom wants me to call her though when I hear if I get the new place lol. Keep you posted Hugs VickiView Thread