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Coping with Pregnancy Loss Community

Only someone who has been there can know exactly what you are feeling after the ... more

Reply: Confused and hurt and don't know what to do

Kristi, I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It sounds like there are...

Posted by mlk240

Kristi,

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It sounds like there are mulitple different issues that you need to cope with. If you still haven't gotten your period, you should call your doctor to see if they think that is normal, or if there is something else going on with you. You should do that regardless of whether you and your husband plan on having more children, you should do it for yourself and your health. I know after my ectopic, as painful as it was to get my period the first couple of times, it also made me feel better, like I had healed, and was going to be able to try again.

As for your husband, it sounds like you two are long overdue for a talk about your relationship. You can't force him to agree to more children, but if you really want more, you need to decide whether it would be better to stay with him and not have more, or leave him and go for the chance of having a second child. Only you know which choice is the correct one for you. Beyond that, it sounds like isn't doing his fair share of work in your marriage. You shouldn't feel taken for granted if things are working how they should. There will always be times when one spouse gives more and the other takes more, but there are other times when the situation is reversed. You should do those things out of love for each other, and because you know your spouse would do the same for you. If he isn't willing to work to improve your situation, or compromise on something that is important to you, maybe you should try seeing a counselor together.Life is too short to go through life without happiness in your marriage.

For your daughter, just take a deep breath, and try not to get worked up about the unknown. Once you find out what is going on, then you can do some research and take steps to correct whatever the problem is. It sounds like you are an attentive and good mother, and by noticing this and doing something about it quickly is the best thing you could have done for her. There are things in your life that you have control over, and things that you don't. You just have to take a deep breath and do your best to cope with what you can't control, and be strong enough to step up and deal with the things you can. Once you feel like you are in control of the things you can be in control, I think you will start to feel better.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you want to talk to someone, please feel free to email me at randikramer@hotmail.com .View Thread

Posted bymlk240

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused and hurt and don't know what to do Kristi, I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It sounds like there are...

Reply: Kinda new to this but hoping it will help

Guennie, I am so sorry to hear your news. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you...

Posted by mlk240

27 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Kinda new to this but hoping it will help Guennie, I am so sorry to hear your news. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you...

Reply: Losing #3

I also have had 3 losses, and suffer from PCOS. Getting pregnant has been easy once I lost...

Posted by mlk240

I also have had 3 losses, and suffer from PCOS. Getting pregnant has been easy once I lost 20lbs, but staying pregnant has been difficult. My OB did a couple of things for me that really helped me out. The first, was that he put me on glucophage/metformin to help lower my blood sugars. One of the side effects of this medicine is weight loss. I honestly didn't change my diet or exercise, and that is how I lost the 20lbs. My weight loss was truly being hindered by hormone levels. The other thing that he did for us was to have me take a pregnancy test on day 30 of every cycle. If I had a positive test, I was to start progesterone supplements until he could get me into the office for a check-up and blood work. He gave me free samples to just keep at home. He said that with PCOS, your hormone levels aren't what a normal woman's would be, and that can be a huge factor in maintaining a pregnancy. By controlling the insulin and using the progesterone, we were able to get pregnant with DS #2, and everything is still going well. I am almost 34 weeks along now, and because of my previous losses, I am almost paralyzed about buying stuff to get ready for him because I think to myself that something could still go wrong. I am still struggling to overcome these thoughts. As far as whether or not to keep trying, that is a personal choice. I just knew in my heart that I would regret not trying and trying again because I would always wonder if a second child was possible. Not that I love DS #1 any less, but I always wanted at least 2, possibly 3 children. I feel like I could stop with two and be content, but I am also open to trying again for #3. So to wrap up my mini-novel here, give yourself time to heal and grieve your losses, but also really think about being willing to try again, and take the risk of another loss.You could end up with another broken heart, or the best reward life has to offer. Only you know what you handle in terms of the risk.

Good luck!View Thread

Posted bymlk240

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Losing #3 I also have had 3 losses, and suffer from PCOS. Getting pregnant has been easy once I lost...

Reply: Kinda new to this but hoping it will help

Hi Guennie, I am just purely guessing here, but maybe your husband is worried about...

Posted by mlk240

Hi Guennie,

I am just purely guessing here, but maybe your husband is worried about something happening to you. I had a miscarriage, a ruptured ectopic and I almost died, and then another miscarriage before getting pregnant again. After the ectopic, and next miscarriage, my husband and I did a lot of talking. He told me that he felt really helpless seeing me in so much physical and emotional pain, and that by continuing to try and get me pregnant has done nothing but hurt me. He said he felt like he himself was a weapon, and wanted to stop having sex so I didn't have to hurt anymore. It took weeks for me talking to him and telling him that this was a risk I was willing to take again and again if it meant we got a baby in the end. He only saw me in pain, and felt guilty for causing it. If I hadn't talked to him at length about everything we went through, I don't know that I would have guessed that was his take on things. I really strongly urge you to sit down and have some tough, open, honest discussions with your DH.

The other thing I will tell anyone is that you need support after a loss. Most men I know don't get subtle hints. If you tell them you need support, they have no clue what that means. When I told my DH that, he just went about his normal business. When I told him I needed a hug, a kiss, back rub, help with putting on shoes, washing my hair, etc, he was more than happy to help. It actually made him feel like he was able to do something to take away some of my pain, and he didn't feel so helpless just watching me suffer. Just explicitly tell him what you need, and try to be patient with him. He probably has no idea what to say or do for you. Teaching each other what you need in difficult times, and what kind of support and nurturing to give is immensely important as you go through life together. I am sorry you are both having a difficult time so early in your marriage, but when you get through all of this together, you will hopefully come out stronger on the other side.

Good luck to you!View Thread

Posted bymlk240

27 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Kinda new to this but hoping it will help Hi Guennie, I am just purely guessing here, but maybe your husband is worried about...

Reply: So mad at the world and don't feel like I belong a...

Kristi, First, I am so sorry about your loss. I am also sorry that it seems like your DH...

Posted by mlk240

Kristi,

First, I am so sorry about your loss. I am also sorry that it seems like your DH isn't being very supportive of you during this difficult time. I think I left you a message on the First Tri boards. I still really think this sounds like an ectopic, but being that I'm not a doctor, I can't say.

I would strongly encourage you to tell your husband how you really feel, and also be up front with him about what you need in terms of support. A lot of men don't get subtle hints, and this is a time when he needs to be there for you. When I had my ruptured ectopic, and was told I may never be able to have more children, I was really devastated, and was a total wreck. If I had told my DH I need support, he wouldn't have the slightest idea what I needed or wanted him to do. But if I told him I really need a hug, back rub, help washing my hair, etc, he was very happy to help me in any way he could. But, I had to explicitly communicate my needs to him. By allowing him to be there for me, and help me, he didn't feel so helpless, and I think it helped us to feel more like a single unit that came out stronger on the other side because we made it through together.

I think you should also discuss how much it would mean to you to have a second child once you have given yourself the necessary time to grieve and heal. If you try and talk too soon, your grief and intense emotions right now might get in the way of trying to see your DH's point of view. I don't agree with him necessarily, but I do always think that you should try to understand your spouse's perspective in a disagreement about something this big, just as he should try to understand yours. If you can't come to an agreement, then you need to consider whether you would be happier moving on and trying to have another baby with someone else, or staying and being content with your DD and step daughters.

I have had 3 losses myself, and I do understand your emotions right now completely. Personally, I felt that giving up trying for another baby made the ones I lost be lost in vain. i wasn't willing to quit trying until I hit menopause if that is what it took. The journey to becoming a parent isn't always easy for everyone. My DH and I had to sit down and have really hard discussions about our family plan after the losses. It really took a lot of open and honest talking for us to figure out how far we were willing to go to keep trying, and what would happen if we weren't blessed with a second child. I really hope that you and your DH can come to an agreement that you both can live with and without regrets. Good luck to you, and please keep us posted!View Thread

Posted bymlk240

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:So mad at the world and don't feel like I belong anywhere Kristi, First, I am so sorry about your loss. I am also sorry that it seems like your DH...

ectopic pregnancy

Hi, My name is Randi, and I have had 3 losses so far on my road to baby #2. My 2nd loss...

Posted by mlk240

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:ectopic pregnancy Hi, My name is Randi, and I have had 3 losses so far on my road to baby #2. My 2nd loss...

Reply: miscariage and pregnancy test??

I am so sorry if you are experiencing a miscarriage. To answer your question, it depends on...

Posted by mlk240

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:miscariage and pregnancy test?? I am so sorry if you are experiencing a miscarriage. To answer your question, it depends on...

Reply: What to expect

Nicram I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 natural MC, and sometimes it takes a...

Posted by mlk240

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What to expect Nicram I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 natural MC, and sometimes it takes a...

Reply: How do you move on from a loss of pregnancy?

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. Can I ask if your tube was removed during your surgery for...

Posted by mlk240

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:How do you move on from a loss of pregnancy? Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. Can I ask if your tube was removed during your surgery for...

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