Coping with Pregnancy Loss Community
Only someone who has been there can know exactly what you are feeling after the ... more
One month and three days later the state made us take her off life support and that is the day I lost Hope for everything.. I really went down hill.. I started doing drugs and drinking to escape then I got preg again and I had a miscarriage.. Then I lost it again and I got preg again the third time and she is healthy as can be she is 3 yrs old! 
I want another baby and we just had another miscarriage and before I could avoid the pain by doing illegal things but this time I have a wonderful 3 yr old that depends on me so I refuse! But I have been having severe panic attacks and then have been hospitalizing me. It broke my heart when my daughter knew she was having a baby and I thought so and then our dreams were crushed and it seemed 10 times harder having to tell her.. My heart rate is getting up around 280, bp 260/145, resp. 34, and my O2 were down in the 60's everytime.. I am so scared and I don't know what to do the doctors say they are panic attacks but I need to find a way to deal with losing my precious baby so I can be fully here for my babygirl! I love her with all my heart and she is the only reason that I wake up everyday and even breathe.. She is my reason for life! It's hard because she wants another brother/sister so bad but what do I tell her.. I am hurting inside myself and trying to talk to her about it hurts even more! I take her to our daughter's grave and she knows what happen to her we take her stuff all the time. Lately I have been not taking her with me because she is starting to ask questions and I don't want to damage her trust issues like mine are. The only person she stays with is my mother and I home school her. I don't trust nobody with my daughter.. I trusted a doctor to bring Kiera into this world and she let my daughter and I down.. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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