I would say you should be both. You were blessed with 2 angels that you were lucky enough to meet, and although they were taken from you they got to feel your love for those few incredible moments. There is a lot there to be both happy and sad about. And now you are blessed with another opportunity and a new life. That doesn't mean you have forgotten or diminished the value of your twins, and you should be thrilled and absolutely ecstatic to have the blessing of another child so soon. I would be. No one should judge you and no one has the right to judge. You believe in God so you know only he may judge and everything happens for a reason and that there is a plan. No one can understand what you have been through or what you're going through until they have walked in your shoes. Also, no one has the ability to "drive you nuts" unless you give them permission to do so. If people are driving you nuts it's because you're letting them. I'm sorry for your loss, but you gained 2 angels, and congrats on the new coming arrival. I'll keep you in my thoughts.View Thread
If you really believe this maybe you should consider consulting with another doctor and perhaps a lawyer. That's the best advise I could give. If that doctor really could have done something to prevent this then what happens when the next patient of theirs goes in with the same problems? Will they have to go through the same trauma due to carelessness? Have others already had to cope with the trauma of this doctors carelessness? I'm glad you're considering counseling. I hope it helps if you go through with it. If you can't shake these feelings about that doctor please don't ignore them. Years down the road you still may be questing them if you don't find answers, and your questions sound like they should have answers. Some of us never get answers and always have to wonder because there are no answers to give us. My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry for your loss.View Thread
It gets easier as the years go on. It just takes time. My loss was 9yrs ago, I still hurt from time to time but not near as bad as I use to. I'm not sure you ever "heal" 100%, but I don't think I would want to. I'm sorry for everything you have gone through. I wish you the best in moving forward.View Thread
I'm glad you decided to seek help and see a counselor. I hope that it works out well for you. How has it been going by the way? Wow, only married 1 year and already facing so much trauma and difficulty. I'm sorry. I guess I assumed you had been together longer from the way you talk about him. I'm sorry he refused to go with you. It would probably do him a lot of good too. It would probably help your marriage more than he realizes. No you can't do anything about the way he chooses to deal with his emotions, but maybe counseling will help you figure out how you can deal with his emotions. I know sometimes he has made things more difficult for the two of you unnecessarily,maybe this can help you learn how to handle those trying situations and at least keep you emotionally balanced. I wish you the best of luck in this. We have been talking on and off now for a long time (it's been 8months since you first posted here) and I hope you know I really do hope the best for you. Please keep me updated on how you're doing. I know I'm not on here as often as I use to be, it's hard to find the time when I'm in school, but I do check in as often as I can and will respond as soon as I see your message here...as I always do. I'll "talk" to you later. You will be in my thoughts.View Thread
Babyj is right, everyone grieves differently. There is no wrong way to grieve. The important thing is that you allow yourself to go through the process and feel what you need to feel. If you fight it then it will only build up like Babyj said. Not only that, but then your grief will last longer and so will your pain. I lost my baby 9yrs ago and I still think about it and it still hurts, but I can honestly say I'm ok now. My situation was a lot different then yours though. Anyhow, don't try to force yourself to be strong or expect to be some super woman. Be who you are and feel what you feel. Much love to you and your husband and your little angel.View Thread
I can tell you from experience, fighting your emotions and not letting yourself grieve only makes it harder and makes your grieving and your pain last longer. It is easier to move on if you let yourself feel what your body, mind, and heart are telling you to feel. I hope that helps some.
I lost my baby 9yrs ago at 8wks gestation exactly. I was 17yrs old. Sometimes I still get sad 9yrs later when I think about my babies "birthday" or how my baby would be 8yrs old now and in elementary school (3rd grade). I hated all pregnant women. I was angry and bitter for about 2yrs. I locked myself in my room for 3months after it happened. I hardly ate, I wouldn't go to school, I just cried and slept. I was also a teenager who didn't know how to handle my emotions or my pain. Now as an adult I can look back and see that for me it happened for a reason. Now I'm 26yrs old and married with 2 daughters.
My point is that you will get better. It will never be "ok" and there will always be some level of pain and sorrow, but one day you will be ok. Take it one day at a time and let yourself grieve even if your husband wont support you.
Sometimes holding a day of honor for your baby can help. Sometimes naming your baby a unisex name (if you didn't know boy or girl) can help. Mostly just let yourself feel what you need to feel, and if you get to a point of excessive depression call someone for help before you do harm.View Thread
I know your post is 2 weeks old. I'm sorry no one has responded. I don't come on here much when I'm going to school. I'm 26 and I now have 2 daughters, but I lost my baby 9years ago when I was 17. I am so sorry for your loss. All I can tell you is to take it slow. Allow yourself to heal and to grieve and to get better one day at a time. I don't know if you have read any of the other posts, but there are ways you can still remember your baby. You can still do your own memorial or remembrance or honoring day. Sometimes it helps. I'd be happy to help you with some ideas if it is something you're interested in. I don't know if you plan on trying again, but sometimes women have better luck several tries later with donor insemination.
Anyhow you are still a mother to your baby and you will meet again one day. Here is one of my favorite poems, I hope you can find some comfort in it:
What Makes A Mother I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today I asked, "What makes a Mother?" And I know I heard him say A Mother has a baby This we know is true But, God, can you be a mother When your baby's not with you?Yes, you can he replied With confidence in his voice I give many women babies When they leave it is not their choice Some I send for a lifetime And others for the day And some I send to feel your womb But there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God I want my baby here He took a breath and cleared his throat And then I saw a tear I wish I could show you What your child is doing Here If you could see your child smile With other children and say "We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, but My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here!" I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me I learned my lessons very quickly My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much But I visit her each day When she goes to sleep On her pillow is where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek And whisper in her ear "Mommy, Please don't be sad today I'm your baby and I am here" So you see my dear sweet one Your children are okay Your babies are here in My home And this is where they'll stay They'll wait for you with Me Until your lessons there are through And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates waiting for you So now you see What makes a Mother It's the feeling in your heart It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start ~Author Unknown
This one is another favorite that helps me cope to this day, I hope it might help you as well:
Precious Little One I`m just a precious little one who didn`t make it there. I went straight to be with Jesus, but I`m waiting for you here. Many dwelling here where I live, waited years to enter in. Struggled through a world of sorrow, a world marred with pain and sin. Thank you for the life you gave me, it was brief but don`t complain. I have all Heaven`s Glory, suffered none of earth`s great pain. Thank you for the name you gave me. I`d have loved to bring it fame. But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows, I would have suffered just the same. So sweet family-don`t you sorrow. Wipe those tears and chase the gloom. I went straight to Jesus` arms from my loving Mother`s womb. ~Author UnknownView Thread
I'm glad to see you found us here. I usually linger here more than anyone...most people who come have experienced their tragedy recently...mine was 9yrs ago. Anyhow, again I'm so sorry for your loss. After my D&C I spotted for 3 months. You should be fine, but I would suggest finding another dr & getting checked out again as soon as you can. Especially if you were unhappy with &/or had a lack of a trust with your original dr.View Thread
I'm so sorry & all I can say is that it does get easier day by day. I thought it about it & cried every yr on my babies due date for a few yrs....but it never really hit until that month each yr...I was also in extreme depression for the 1st 2yrs I would say. I lost my baby 9yrs ago at 8wks & had a D&C also. Anyhow, I would like to suggest a memorial stone. You could plant a small tree or rose bush or something of the like in your yard & place a stone near it (mine has the poem "if tears could build a stairway..." you could read it at this link : http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/13433/257.html ), you could write your own poem to "baby", you could pick an asexual name( one suited for boy or girl) to give your baby ( I always liked Riley), our if you're artistic you could paint a picture....anyhow you could make something for "baby" & pick some small items like a teddy bear or pajamas or little booties & picture of mommy & daddy & place it in a nice "keepsake" box with the name you pick & bury it with the tree & place the stone & hold your own memorial & have a place where you can go to visit baby & talk whenever you feel the need.