I'm so sorry. I still feel like his actions aren't personally against you, but rather his own way of perhaps subconsciously coping with his own emotional pain. I think at this point in your marriage & with all the financial stress, emotional stress, ect...& especially with yours & your husbands lack of healthy communication & understanding....that perhaps it is time to consider marriage counseling, or even if he wont go with you time for you to go on your own. It is actually helpful & even can be empowering. Please consider the option. If your insurance doesn't cover it or if you don't have insurance there is still help out there.Every state has resources & they include counseling services that are either free or affordable ($10-$25 a visit) & usually income based. Most health departments have information on where to call & a lot of churches offer these service( & you don't have to be the religion of the church or even any religion & the counseling doesn't include religious pressure or anything uncomfortable like that... it is strictly about you & your needs. Please consider looking into it...View Thread
Well hun people grieve in their own ways & I'm sure your baby's daddy isn't talking about it because it hurts. As far as the rest of your family & friends, well these things are hard on everyone & a lot of times no one knows what to say or what to do or what the right thing is. They probably don't want to upset you more & some people seem to feel like if they choose not to talk about it or if they down play the situation then maybe it wont hurt as bad or everyone will heal quicker or if they ignore it they can move on faster & so can you. I know it sounds ridiculous, but people think different. Try expressing how this effecting you to the people you love & letting them know you need them & their support & understanding right now. They should come around with a little bit of direction. I'm sorry about your recent loss. It is a huge deal & you may feel alone & like no one cares because you're stressed & going through a difficult time. It gets easier day by day...never easy, but easier.View Thread
Oh hun I wish I knew what to say to right now, but I don't. I don't know how your relationship usually is, or how old you 2 are, or how long you have been married, or any other details that might make it easier to respond. I know we have chit chatted a bit here & there since you 1st came to this site, but it's all been specific to our losses. All I can tell you love is I'm here if you want to talk. I check this site through the week & will get back to you asap if you need some venting space or a friend. I know this can't be easy on him either, but he really needs to find a new way to cope& right now you should be supporting each other not turning each other into enemies. I'm so sorry dear. Maybe you should let him go buy whatever it is that he is fighting with you about. It just might make him feel better & if not then it will probably make him feel like an idiot & maybe even wake him up (that's how it usually works with my husband & then he returns the item...). He might just feel like he is loosing control of his life (lost another baby, can't "fix" it for his wife, finances not perfect, ect) & you telling him not to buy something might make him feel more miniscule & even more out of control...it might be his way of gain some control over something in his life (men freak out if they feel like they can't "fix" everything or don't have "control" over things). I don't know deary, but it's possible....Again, you know I'm here.View Thread
I am so sorry for your loss. Having to terminate a dangerous pregnancy can't be easy, but you have your life & your husband & an opportunity to try again. I know that those things don't help right now...but sometimes it helps drown out the negatives when you focus more strongly on the positives. As far as "getting over the loss & moving on", well all I can say is you have to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Grieve, don't hold it in. It gets easier day by day, but it takes time.There are some remembrance thing you can do that help some people. You could plant a tree in "baby's" (sorry I don't have a name to call it, you could always pick a unisex name for baby so you could at least name it & have that to use for anything you do in it's honor) memory, or get a remembrance stone/plaque or angel statue in honor of "baby", you could write a poem....well the list goes on & on but ultimately I would say find something that feels right for you to do in honor of your little angel & do it (even if it seems strange). I hear it helps. I was 17 when I lost mine 9yrs ago (making me 26). I didn't get to do anything but sit in my room & cry by myself while my parents sat there happy that it didn't "last long enough to ruin my life." Anyhow I hope something I wrote helps....I saw no one had responded yet & this room can be a little slow at times (as far as getting responses), so I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
Here is a beautiful poem I found a few months ago that has helped me, maybe it will help you too: Precious Little One I`m just a precious little one who didn`t make it there. I went straight to be with Jesus, but I`m waiting for you here. Many dwelling here where I live, waited years to enter in. Struggled through a world of sorow, a world marred with pain and sin. Thank you for the life you gave me, it was brief but don`t complain. I have all Heaven`s Glory, suffered none of earth`s great pain. Thank you for the name you gave me. I`d have loved to bring it fame. But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows, I would have suffered just the same. So sweet family-don`t you sorrow. Wipe those tears and chase the gloom. I went straight to Jesus` arms from my loving Mother`s womb.
And also this one as well, it's one of my favorites:
What Makes A Mother I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today I asked, "What makes a Mother?" And I know I heard him say A Mother has a baby This we know is true But, God, can you be a mother When your baby's not with you?Yes, you can he replied With confidence in his voice I give many women babies When they leave it is not their choice Some I send for a lifetime And others for the day And some I send to feel your womb But there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God I want my baby here He took a breath and cleared his throat And then I saw a tear I wish I could show you What your child is doing Here If you could see your child smile With other children and say "We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, but My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here!" I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me I learned my lessons very quickly My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much But I visit her each day When she goes to sleep On her pillow is where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek And whisper in her ear "Mommy, Please don't be sad today I'm your baby and I am here" So you see my dear sweet one Your children are okay Your babies are here in My home And this is where they'll stay They'll wait for you with Me Until your lessons there are through And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates waiting for you So now you see What makes a Mother It's the feeling in your heart It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start ~Author Unknown
I'm not good at writing poems & things, so I just read what other have written & sometimes it helps heal the pain for me. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to ok.View Thread
I can understand all that. My cousin is allergic to condoms & birth control makes her bleed all month. But still, I know telling him is hard but you still need to be honest. You both knew the risk you were taking so even though it will hurt him & worry him it shouldn't surprise him. Besides the sooner you tell him the sooner you can get the support from him you need & go to the hospital & start taking care of your body &your health so that maybe you can have a baby little ways down the road. Whatever you decide I wish you luck hun. I'll be around if you need to talk.View Thread
I'm sorry for everything you went through & are going through. I'm not good at listening when doctors tell me to be abstinent either, & I'm sure you already know you should have used protection if you weren't going to listen so no need to go into that. Hunny I would say just be honest. The best thing you can do in any relationship is just be honest, especially when it's the hardest thing to do. That's my experience anyway. Besides, with stuff like this there really is no "easy" way of going about it other than to just say it. Also I would recommend that you make an apt. asap. I wish well & let us know if you need anything else & how things turn out if that's ok?View Thread
I would just go back to the doctor. That's a long time to still be showing pregnant I would think. I assume you haven't had a period yet either then? Maybe there is something else they can do, but either way I wouldn't want to take weekly pregnancy tests like that either....way to depressing. I'm sorry.View Thread
When I was reading about what a blighted ovum is it said some people choose to have a D&C because then a sample can be taken from the sac & tests can be done to give them more answers as to why it occurred. I wasn't sure if you knew that was an option or if it is something you would even want...it also said most people don't choose to bother with all that since it can be passed naturally.
I'm so happy for you that your husband is being supportive & wants to continue to try & that he is now showing that it's important to him & understands how important it is to you as well.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts & I wish you the best of luck.View Thread
I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. My heart is breaking for you. I looked up what a blighted ovum is considering I had never heard of it before. From what I read, it says that it is a one time occurrence that women rarely experience more that once & that you can safely try again after 1-3 regular menstrual cycles. At least there is still a chance if you decide to continue trying. I'm sure that doesn't help much & it doesn't ease your pain...honestly I wish I could just hug you...I think sometimes that does more than words. At least with this one it is only an a sac & no embryo.....I'm at a loss of words my dear, but I just want you to know I care & my heart goes out to you & I'll keep you in my thoughts.View Thread