I am 23 years old and I lost my triplets 3 days ago at 20 weeks 2days. I found out I was carrying triplets at 16 weeks and the doctor put me on immediate bed rest because my body was so small. I was underweight when I got pregnant and I hardly gained any weight, but the babies seemed to be growing well and they couldn't see anything wrong with them. But then I started having contractions around 6pm and I rushed to the hospital. The doctor couldn't see anything wrong, but they gave me medication to stop the contractions and ordered that I stay in bed and rest. The next morning I could feel that nothing had changed and the contractions felt like they got worse. I got pain killers and more medication but they just got worse and worse. My cervix opened and before 3pm that day, my boys we born. My water hadn't even broken, they just came out no matter how hard I tried to keep them in. They moved for a few seconds and then just died. It was horrible looking at my babies pass away in my hands, and feeling so helpless. I blame myself, thinking if I had just kept them in despite the contractions then maybe we could have stretched to a more viable gestation period. I don't know what to do to help me cope with the loss. I was sent home the next day, back to the bed I lay in for four weeks in the hope of keeping my babies safe.
People keep telling me not to cry but it seems like its all I can do. Sometimes I feel like I can still feel them kicking inside, and then I touch my belly and I feel how flat and empty it now is. Every time I wake up I am disappointed to see that I am still alive and with no babies. My boyfriend seems to be doing better than I am and that makes me feel even worse, like I am all alone.
For those who lost their fetuses so early, how did you cope? Does it really get better? Does a therapist help? Is there anyone who was/is in the same situation I am in who I can talk to privately?View Thread
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