Thank you, ladies. I so appreciate your responses and your support. I am sorry for what each of you have been through as well.
I think that my husband is definitely worried about going through the same thing again if I were to get pregnant. I'm sure he did feel helpless and it was probably magnified by the fact that he had just lost his mom to cancer and felt helpless in that situation as well. I've tried to acknowledge his feelings but he is one of those men who was taught that showing any emotion makes you weak, so he really hasn't let me be there for him. I keep trying to work on our communication but so far he's just not able to talk to me. He just shuts down.
I think I'm going to have to accept that it's going to take more time for him to move past everything that has happened. He isn't ready to start talking about the future again. It's so hard, because I do want to move forward and I don't want to wait until I'm any older to try again...but I have no choice but to be patient. I'm trying so hard to believe everything will happen the way it's meant to happen.View Thread
Hi- I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can relate to your pain...I lost a pregnancy in July and had to have a D&C. My hormones went completely haywire and it has taken months to get my body back on track. My husband won't talk about what happened or whether he will want to try again, but we aren't using any protection now so it is very confusing trying to figure out how he feels. We have been through a lot in a very short period of time and I know that he has a lot to work through, but it has been so hard feeling like he doesn't understand me or my grieving process. He pushes me away a lot and that really hurts because what I really need is to be close to him. He's hardly ever in the mood and when he is I am the one who initiates it most of the time, and I don't know if this is just stress or if he doesn't want me to get pregnant again. It seems if he wanted to make sure I wouldn't get pregnant he would simply mention using protection. So anyway...it sounds like we are in a similiar situation and I really feel for you. Feel free to chat with me anytime.
Also, I am going through the same feelings about starting my period. I started cramping a couple of days ago and I know I am about to start any second...it just makes me want to cry. Sometimes I get so emotional out of nowhere and just start crying uncontrollably. I've started trying not to do it in front of my husband because it frustrates him and makes him angry.
Thank you. I will go check out the heartbroken thread. I so appreciate your reply, and to the author of the original post- I hope you are doing better. I hope you have had luck balancing your hormones...it has been a nightmare for me. My fingers are crossed that my body has finally jumped back into gear. It's nice anyway to find a place where I can "talk" to other women who can relate to what I'm going through.View Thread
Hi, I'm new on here and I was hoping I might find a way to help me cope. Last summer I got engaged and we found out a month later I was pregnant. I was not happy at first- I really freaked out actually. We got married the end of June and I moved out of state to be with my husband. So much happened in such a short period of time. I got a migraine in the moving truck on the way to my new home- never had a migraine in my life. Started trying to unpack after arriving and had a horrible fight with my husband over the dog sleeping in the bed...then got another migraine. Long story short, what started as a recurring migraine turned into a migraine that never went away and I was in pain 24/7. Ended up in the er with bleeding and found out I was carrying twins and one of them had stopped developing. Then a week later the OB/GYN discovered the other had lost the heartbeat as well. I was stuck in bed for over a month because of the migraine and I couldn't even take care of myself. I ended up having a D&C after losing the pregnancy because my body just wasn't letting go. This was end of July.
At first my husband was supportive. I realized how much I wanted a baby from this experience, and he had wanted the baby too. He had been very happy about the pregnancy from day one. But when I wasn't healing after losing the pregnancy he changed. I ended up having to go to a neurologist to get rid of the migraine. Then I had to go back to the OB/GYN because I was getting a period every other week. My body wasn't getting back to normal on it's own. The OB/GYN put me on birth control pills to try to kick start my body back into a regular cycle.
My husband lost his mom last March, and he never had a chance to work through her death before all of this happened. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past five months and he is not able to be there for me emotionally. He doesn't want to ever talk about what happened or think about whether he wants to try again. I am going to be 39 next month and I am so scared I won't have the chance to become a mother.
Anyway, I know this is a little disjointed and I apologize, but I am so stressed out and I feel like my husband does not understand my grieving process. I have been off the birth control pills now for 3 weeks and he will not talk to me about wanting to try again but we are not using any protection...it's pretty confusing. I keep thinking that must mean deep down he really does still want to have a baby if he is taking that risk. But on the other hand, he is hardly ever in the mood so I guess our chances aren't that high.
I have started looking for work because my husband is upset that I'm not working, but all I can do is think about how much I want to have a family and be a mother. I know I'm not supposed to say I don't want to work, and it sounds terrible, but I don't. I wanted to have a baby and be a mom. I have worked as a nanny for over 20 years taking care of other people's families and I am ready for a family of my own. I'm trying to give my husband the space and time he needs because I know he has a lot of feelings of his own to work through even though he doesn't want to talk about it. I just wish men and women worked through this stuff the same way. I need to be close to him and he needs space. It's so unfair.
I keep seeing friends announcing pregnancies and other friends or family members are having babies and it is breaking my heart. I am happy for them, but I feel like everyone is allowed to have a baby but me. I am trying to find ways to relax because I can't help wondering if all the stress contributed to my miscarriage. I worry about everything, including what if I actually can't get pregnant again or what if something is actually wrong with me and even if I get pregnant I have another miscarriage...I know I need to try to be positive but it's so hard.
So I could use a good support group while I go through this.View Thread