I am very sorry for your losses. I am glad you are meeting with a specialist and I hope you are able to find some answers.
You can also find some really awesome support on the Trying To Conceive After Loss board. The board isn't overly active, but more so than here. And, I can speak from experience, there is a wealth of knowledge and encouragement from the ladies there.
Hi Jessica870. I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the trauma and terror you had to endure. My heart aches for you.
A very good friend of mine went through a similar situation at almost the same age as you. She knew she was pregnant, but it was ectopic only she didn't find out until she was almost 10 weeks. When they went in to remove the pregnancy, the doctor touched her tube and it exploded. She lost a lot of blood and, like you, almost died.
I am happy to say that she now has a beautiful 3.5 year old boy and 9 month old boy/girl twins. She did have to have fertility treatments to get pregnant. But she was able to carry to term.
My advice to you is to take each moment as it comes. Don't try to hide your sadness or pretend your ok. Let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling. You can be thankful to be alive and still ache for what you lost. And know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, so anything you feel is normal, be it anger, sandness, shock or jealousy. You'll probably feel them all along the journey.
First off, I am very sorry for your loss. But you are not alone, all the women here and on various other boards dealing with loss know how you feel and are walking this journey with you. I am currently in the midst of my second loss in 4 months. It is painful and awful. The devastation and disappointment at the loss of our dreams and the future we shape the moment we find out we are expecting is difficult to get past. But, it does get easier as time goes on... that's what I am hanging on to right now. It seems impossible now, but you will learn to cope and begin to heal.
Look to your husband, family and friends for support and if you don't find it there, seek it out elsewhere. A message board like this one was my savior at first with my first loss. My family (husband included) and friends had a very hard time talking about my loss the first time and all but swept it under the rug, so I sought support online and it helped. This time around, I think they are better equipped to handle the situation. We just found out we lost the baby yesterday, but already I can tell my husband is there for me far more so than he was able to be in May.
Just breathe. Take each day moment by moment, heartbeat by heartbeat. Let yourself feel your emotions, don't try to be brave or strong right now. Try not to get caught up in the "why me" and "what did I do to deserved this". Truth is, you did nothing to deserve this and nothing you could have done could have changed the outcome. Trust that you will come to terms with your loss and begin to heal.
My heart goes out to you, and to all of us who suffer such a great loss. Hugs to you.View Thread
I don't think there is any medical reason to avoid sex. I'd maybe give your doctor a quick call to make sure. But if you feel up to it mentally and emotionally, I'd say it's ok. My first m/c in May was a BO and initmacy with my husband was a big part of healing for me.
Hugs to you momma, I am sorry for your loss.View Thread
My best advise is to do exactly what you are doing... seek out others that are or have been in your shoes. I had a blighted ovum in May and even though I had a strong support group in my family and friends, they hadn't been through a loss and just didn't get it. They couldn't relate and mostly avoided the topic as best they could (I don't fault them for it now, but man at the time I felt like no one would acknowledge the loss).
I also found it easier to find support online as it allowed me to keep some of my anonymity and privacy but still read the stories of women who have suffered the loss of a child. Just knowing that I was not alone in my struggle helped tremendously.
Babycenter.com has a Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant loss board that I spent a lot of time on in the weeks following my miscarriage. It has a lot more activity than this board, so you may want to check it out.
I am very sorry for your loss, I pray you are able to find peace soon.View Thread
I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is such an awful thing. My heart goes out to you.
I can't really speak to your question if your loss could have been prevented. I'm not familiar with abnormal genes or clotting disorders. I do know it's not something doctors typically test for if you haven't had any previous losses. I would speak with your doctor or maybe consult a different OB to discuss the situation.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this horrible time. I hope you are able to find peace soon. Hugs to you momma.View Thread
I am very sorry for your loss. I would suggest you find a new OB, yours sound pretty crappy. I did not have unbearable pain when I went through my miscarriage in June, but I can say with absolutely certainty that had I called my OB with horrible pain, he would have prescribed something for me. I had bloodwork drawn every 5 days or so to watch my betas and make sure they were decreasing. I had a follow up appointment about a week after the m/c was over for an ultrasound to make sure all the tissues had passed and talk about next steps and trying again. I also have another follow up appointment the 14th of this month.
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our baby in late May of this year and what 've learned since then is everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Everything you're feeling is normal for you, so don't feel bad about your grief process and the emotions that come with it, just let yourself feel what you are feeling. For me, that was the path to healing. I spent what felt like weeks walking around pretending I was ok when I wasn't and when the dam finally broke and I let myself feel the sadness, anger and disappointment in the loss of the future that was created, it was like a swtich was flipped. The next day I felt better, had a sense of hope for the first time since we got that awful diagnosis. I was able to let go of questioning why me, what I did to deserve losing my baby. Because, the truth is, you did nothing to deserve your loss. You've done nothing wrong and there is nothing you could have done differently to save your baby.
Hugs to you, momma. I hope you are able to find peace soon.View Thread
First off, I am sorry for your loss. Secondly, 5 weeks does seem like a long time, but I've never had a D&C so I wouldn't know for sure. As long as you're not in pain, I would guess you're alright. But, if you're not happy with your current provider, I would find another doctor and schedule an appointment to get checked out.
I know what you mean about wanting to be done. I had a natural m/c and started bleeding on Saturday and I am already ready to be done... it's frustrating not knowing how long it will last.