I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much anxiety about the night with your boyfriend and the discharge you're seeing.
First of all, if you are still having thoughts of harming yourself, please, please...call for help immediately. Here is a list of crisis resources, hotlines, and web sites that may be of help if you may be in trouble.
If you think you need immediate help and cannot speak to a family member, a medical professional, or a member of the clergy, please reach out to one of these organizations or dial 911 immediately.
According to WebMD, most of the time vaginal discharge is perfectly normal. The amount can vary from woman to woman, and the normal color can range from clear to a milky whitish, depending on the time in your menstrual cycle.
You may also notice slight changes in the amount and odor of the discharge. For example, there will be more discharge if you are ovulating, breastfeeding, or sexually aroused. The smell may be different if you are pregnant or you haven't been diligent about your personal hygiene.
Were you using any sort of birth control such as condoms? Have you experienced any sort of abdominal pain, nausea or other symptoms?
I encourage you to talk to your doctor and let them know your fears. If you are still in school, you might also talk to your school nurse.
Please let us know how you're doing and if you need any more help. We are concerned about you!
Welcome to the Could I Be Pregnant Community! Well, tubal ligation and tubal implants are not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, so there is a possibility.
According to WebMD, there is a slight risk of becoming pregnant after tubal ligation. If the surgery was not done properly, or the tubes grow back together or a new passage forms (recanalization) that allows an egg to be fertilized by sperm.
You should talk to your doctor if you think you are pregnant to avoid any unforeseen complications.
Hope that helps. Let us know if you have any more questions.